Movie Review

Miami Vice
Colin Farrel, Jaime Foxx
directed by Michael Mann

Not good. i know....i should've known better. i've heard the rumors of it's suckiness, i've read articles about the many problems with its creation..... but i still thought it would have something to offer. Nada. All i gained from my $9.50 and 2 hours was "Hey, i didn't know Jaime Foxx had freckles!"
It followed the Action Movie Formula to the letter. Gratuitous sex, fast cars, graphic violence, minimal character development, you name it. Snooze. Yet calling it an 'action movie' would be giving it way too much credit. There was very little action at all. Well, besides the aforementioned 'romantic' action designed to make me, the female movie-goer more comfortable with the movie and able to identify with the characters. (Somehow, their getting it on in the back of a limo while negotiating a drug deal didn't really speak to my comfort or identity.) One big shoot-out scene at the end is all the action supplied, which begs the question: is it really action if they're all hiding in their respective holes and arbitrarily firing weapons? No chases, no fights, no running. This movie was a whole lotta nothing, except millions of dollars being flushy-flushed away.
i expected some level of 'buddy cop' dynamic between the two stars, but it was absent from the script in general, and they didn't seem in any mood to make one up. Jaime Foxx just hangs out and collects a paycheck, Colin Farrel tries this gritty cop voice thing, which makes it harder to understand him than it already is, and Gong Li plays a Spanish-speaking Chinese drug lord named Isabella (yes, you read that right) so i didn't get a word she said either. Add the fact that she and Colin Farrel have the most dialogue, and you're pretty much stuck reading lips. Except the darn camera is always on someone or something OTHER than the person talking! 'Edgy' editing made this movie more confusing than it already was, which is saying alot. i felt like i was watching an un-funny inside joke that everyone was too cool to let me in on. Note to film makers: you gotta let the viewers in on the joke. They PAID you to let them in on the joke.
i could go on, but i already spent too much time and money on this turkey. 1 out of 5 mojitos. (and how dare you involve the precious mojito in your devious doings, Michael Mann!)

my arms hurt

For those of you who don't know, we moved this past weekend. Not far, just to the other side of Elk Grove, out of our 1-bedroom apartment and into the master bedroom of a 4-bdrm house we share with our friends John and Brandon. Our new room is pretty much the size of the old apartment and has TWO walk-in closets! (oh, the love!) Cosmo is still figuring it all out, and he's pretty annoyed that he has to wear a collar now. Who knew he was such a nudist? Next week the house's rightful owner, Kahlua the Rottweiler, comes back from her summer break in Chico, so we'll see how that goes. Place your bets now! i have $5 on them being best friends. There's still much unpacking to do and we need to get the apartment tidied up for its new occupants by Thursday, but it's been going well. Learning Experience 1 of many to come: don't let your 3 male roommates pick the movie without consulting you (Miami Vice: NOT GOOD). We'll post pics when we unearth the camera.

Weddings 3 and 4

Yes, the blessed day has come, we are FINISHED with weddings. Currently, there are none planned for the fall or winter circuit, so we can begin to reacquaint ourselves with what Elk Grove actually looks like on a Saturday.

Wedding 3: Jeff and Kate (White) Unfried
Very similar to the nuptials of Jeff and Erin (White) Kane, and just over a year later. Now, i love my Jeffs and i know they're super guys, but i also know them as the bozo roommates of my college boyfriend. So when they marry smart, fun, gorgeous girls like these, i scratch my head in bewilderment. i'm sure they do too.
i sat by myself at this wedding because Josh was a groomsman, but i was not too lonely because i was surrounded by Nazarenes, NorCalians, and some divine combinations of the two. The reception was held in the orchard (i believe it was walnuts, Grandad) and featured yummy tri-tip, cakes and pies from all persuasions, and some hilarious hijinks on the microphone. We don't have any pics b/c David wasn't there and we stink at remembering to take pictures of important events. So after another wonderful White Ranch wedding, Jeff and Kate sped off into the Yuba City sunset on their way to Jamaica. Perhaps they'll run into...

Wedding 4: Jeff and Meredith (Carrol) Purganan
This wedding was hot. It was held outside during one of San Jose's hottest weekends EVER. And the groomsmen wore all black. Fortunately, we weren't groomsmen. i was a water girl who very quickly got promoted to d.j.. "Oh but Kallie," you say, "You're not a d.j., have no experience with d.j. machinery, and are not widely celebrated for your taste in music!" EXACTLY. But the professional person hired for the occasion did not appear, so the responsibility for rocking fell to me and my lovely bearded assistant, Josh. We made it work. We had some emergency shuffling time and a sympathetic army of helpers, so we pulled it off using our own measly collection of cds, David's laptop, and Kaz's ipod. Unfortunately, many guests confused me for an actual d.j. (it must've been the hair) and began making requests i could in no way accomodate. i'll say this though, i've never seen people get so excited for 'Cotton Eye Joe'.
This wedding was held at a museum/club/park thing. It was very pretty with lots of tall trees. Winter and i decided that the color combo, black and pale pink, worked very well. We missed most of the ceremony because we were running around dealing with music issues, but i hear it was lovely. The table assignments for the reception found Josh and i sitting with Dr. Sam Powell (whose class i did not exactly excel in), Sac District Superindent Steve Scott, the Reverend Tim Hall, who performed the ceremony (he says 'Hi Bakers!'), and future Nazarene big-wig, Tim Gaines. Thanks alot Jeff. You're hilarious. Let's just say abject fear kept me from partaking of any wine or champagne in their presence and i ate most of my meal behind the sound board. Overall, it was a great party and we managed to slip a cool, group-effort mix cd into their honeymoon luggage before they too jetted off to Jamaica. You can check out Steve Potter's pix here.

So. No more weddings for a while. Bonnie's is the only one on the docket for next summer, but we've done 3-5 every summer since 2002, so i doubt it'll stay that way. (Bonnie and Andy: if no one gets engaged soon, it's likely all of my friends will crash your wedding to stave off withdrawals.) Best wishes to all of this summer's newlyweds, may your first years be as hilarious, educational, and delightful as ours have been.

What's this 'productivity' you speak of?

i LOVE this game! Pedulumeca
i'm really bad at it, but i. can't. stop. It's so swingy!

Book Review! (i do occasionally break away from the screen)

Mystic River
by Dennis Lehane (not to be confused with the LeHaye goon writing the 'Left Behind' books)

Danielle introduced me to Beers Books, a cool used bookstore near my office, and while escaping my boss one day i came across Lehane's book. i would never have given it a 2nd glance if it weren't for the masterful film version directed by Clint Eastwood. So, since the book was only $1.75, i bought it.
Oh my goodness. This book is so good! And i even knew the twisty ending already! It is in serious contention for a place in my lists of Bests and Favorites. A quick plot summary: three boys (Dave, Sean and Jimmy) are friends in the low-income outskirts of Boston. One day they're messing around in the streets when a car pulls up and two men take Dave away. Four days later Dave escapes from what was obviously a sexually abusive situation, but it's never discussed. The boys drift apart. Fast forward: Jimmy's 19-year old daughter is brutally murdered, Sean is the investigating detective, and Dave becomes a suspect. All the old demons come out.
Maybe i was partial to the book b/c the movie was so good, but based on its great reviews by others, i doubt it. Everything is so clear, even the knobbiness of Dave's bent mind. Every character: the 3 men, their wives, even peripheral characters, are so unique it's amazing that Lehane could be so dead on so many times in one book. And you don't have to know Boston to get that Lehane has its nuances down to a T. i was most impressed with how he sculpted Celeste, Dave's wife. A great depiction of how a person can become haunted by someone else's demons and not even know why or how. Annabeth is vicious (like a fox), a perfect balance to the dormant-too-long volcano that is Jimmy. Dave is SO complicated, but Lehane unfolds him slowly enough that it never overloads the reader, it just overloads Dave (which is the point). Sean is trapped in such a bizarre situation, while dealing with his own woes via phone 'coversations' with his silent wife, but manages to keep just enough of his cop's edge in the midst of the chaos to give Jimmy a run for his money and break poor Dave down a bit more. Jimmy is profoundly confused in his grief, and it's very powerful. i wish i could explain more, but doing so would give too much plot away. i feel it's necessary to point out that this is not a feel-good book, FYI. Don't say i didn't warn you.
If you've seen the movie, know that it stayed very true to the book and was probably the best book-to-film adaptation i've ever seen, but it still missed SO much, just b/c that's how it goes. If you haven't seen the movie, you should, whether you read this book or not. For me, having seen the movie first helped, but only b/c it was so well done. i don't usually recommend starting with the movie. Sean Penn and Tim Robbins both won Oscars for their portrayals of Jimmy and Dave, respectively, so having their great performances in mind, and the Boston accents, helped give the book more life, by no fault of Lehane's. Anyway, the book rocks, the movie rocks, i can loan you both. 10 out of 10 'Who do you love?'s.

Feed Roseville!

from Money magazine...

Skinniest
Here are the cities where residents have the lowest average body mass index.
(Rank, City, Body mass index)
1 Roseville, CA 24.5
2 San Francisco, CA 24.8
3 Houston, TX 24.8

funny headline alert

Butt Inquiry Kicks Off

The NY Times figures out what we knew all along.

"Redding, Calif., is hot, friendly and busy. Two hours north of Sacramento, Redding was once considered just another Podunk, notable for its highway sprawl and a sea of outlet malls. But in the last seven years the city, which has 87,000 residents, has remade itself and is becoming a destination.
...You could while away your morning by lounging on big comfy pink, purple and green sofas, checking your e-mail messages and playing Connect Four and Boggle at Yaks Koffee Shop." (where you can also take in a Jen Russell original or two)

>>Read the complete article

Meryl Streep Wears the Devil...

...if the Devil is lucky.

i just saw The Devil Wears Prada, and instead of reviewing it, i'll just say that if Meryl Streep knocked on my door tomorrow and said 'Kallie, please give me all of your vital organs immediately,' i'd say 'Yes Ms. Streep, thank you.' There's a reason she's the most nominated actor ever in Oscar history. She just plain rocks.

Movie Review

Fun With Dick & Jane
Jim Carrey, Tea Leoni

We were in the mood for something easy and fun so we rented this little gem. Basic premise: Dick gets a promotion so Jane quits her thankless job, then Dick immediately loses his job when his company experiences an Enron-esque collapse (at the hands of Alec Baldwin, who too often gets stuck playing the smarmy boss). Months go by, their lawn is repossessed, they've sold everything they could, drive a joke of a car, and they're at their wits end. Thus: armed robbery, with increasingly creative costumes. (The arms in question are squirtguns that just look like handguns.) What's especially good is that the breaking point for Dick is not the foreclosure of his home, it's his wife saying he just doesn't have 'bad ass' in him. Anyone who is married knows why that's so right on.
It's pretty dang funny. Alot of physical hilarity and clever stuff like their grade school son speaking Spanglish as a result of spending more time with the housekeeper than his parents. At one point, Dick gets deported to Mexico and Jane comes to rescue him and pack his 12 new immigrant friends into the little clunker clown car. It's good stuff. The reason this movie works is because the chemistry between Jim Carrey and Tea Leoni is great. They acheive that vibe of people who are married and are truly amused by their spouse in an affectionate way. i think 'a lifetime of hilarity' should be included in wedding vows.
Richard Jenkins is great as the indicted CFO, Alec Baldwin, of course, is great (but seriously folks, let's give the man a challenge), Tea Leoni is incredibly likeable, albeit too thin, and Jim Carrey i just love in general. There were a few too many Carrey-esque, Ace Ventura throwback moments, but for the most part it worked. All-around fun flick, good to watch with the parents or when you're in the mood for silliness without the toilet humor. 5 out of 5 muddy handprints.

Mystery

So far, there are only two things Cosmo will react to when they are on the tv: the Foo Fighters, and polar bears. When they're onscreen he's all ears and pawing at the buttons. Why these two groups? Probably for the same reasonless reason he loves pineapple but hates tuna. What cat snubs free tuna but will snatch the pineapple chunk right off your fork?? Figures it would be ours.

Wedding #2

The Marraige of Josh Herms and Ashley Morrow

So it was back to San Diego for the last of my roommates to pledge holy matrimony unto a lucky boy. The bachelorette party included mud baths (fun: 10, health benefits: 0) and cowboy karaoke with some suspicious characters (fun: 10, health benefits: -8) followed by some quality late night catching-up with Erin, the only other person who goes to as many weddings as we do. Friday meant i finally got my requisite California burrito and was officially introduced to my new BFF, Lizzie Alexander. She is very cute and very small ("Like a tiny Nerf football with a bobble head" according to Josh) and pink and soft. i actually held her for like 3 whole minutes before she started to cry! it's a record! Lizzie likes flying cross-country, hanging out naked on the coffee table, and dancing with David. In her spare time, she conducts symphonies.
At the wedding rehearsal, i learned how to stand on a sticker and hold imaginary flowers, then it was off to the Harbor House for delicious steak whilst baby ducks floated around outside and Mark the waiter-gunning-for-an-Oscar worked the room. Back to Poway for reruns of 'So You Think You Can Dance' with Whit and Winter and sleeping in a Jewish bunkbed. Good times.
Saturday proved that what can go wrong for a bride, will. But it also proved that when you have a bridal party full of pros, you can accomplish anything. There was a minor emergency with the centerpieces, and whoever decided padded tables was a good idea needs to have their fingers chewed off by a pack of rabid yorkies. Nevertheless, we made it work, and nearly got Whit's car chopped in half by a train-track guard thingy in the process. In getting ready for our close-up, Erin found someone else's eyelash in her eye and i ate a whole box of Cheezits.
Then it was ceremony time! We walked down the aisle to Joe Cocker's "Help From My Friends", and Ash and her cowboy-booted dad coming down the aisle made Herms, and then everyone else, pretty teary. Pastor Storrer told it like it is and Molly Jenson and Greg Laswell offered a beautiful, new-ish rendition of 'Amazing Grace' that seemed like they made up on the spot. (it must be nice to have a bunch of professional musicians as buds) It was a very perfect ceremony. Tears all around.
The reception featured my first DRB performance in years, which nearly brought more tears. Ashley performed a beautiful hula for her families (more tears) and i got to eat twice-baked potatos. A hilarious 'mockumentary' reminded everyone (not that we needed it) just how much we adore Ash and Herms and how much they adore each other. FANTASTIC cake and spiffy dancing, especially by Deven Carter, marked the rest of the evening, until we finally bid goodbye to the happy couple and headed back to Poway.
We said goodnight to Lizzie and her fan club and hopped in the spa til 3am, then got up at 6 in order to meet Rachel and Jason2 at Mission Bay for some oceanic wakeboarding. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it. We had MUCHO fun! Winter and i abstained from actually boarding, but we rocked the flag and decided we could totally open our own wakeboarding school, based solely on our ability to grade the performances of others. i learned that i've been eating wax all my life and will heretofore buy my apples out of the organic bin (thanks Rach!) i also learned alot about the liver. It was a momentous day because, folks, i got my hair into a ponytail! it wasn't pretty, it wasn't long, but it was a ponytail! (and no, i'm not going bald, that's bedhead.) Breakfast was a godsend, followed by an inspirational-albeit-depressing trip to West Elm with J and Winter and a pick-a-nick on campus with the Kanes, Potter, Friberg and other people with no first names. i also met a dog named Fletcher!
So that was the weekend. Thanks to Herms and Ash for throwing such a great party and giving us a reason to come down, Whit and TanTan and the Kanes for housing us as usual, Rach and J2 for the aquatic delights, Dave for the Davidy and Winter and J1 for Niemyness.

it's a bird! it's a plane! it's a MOVIE REVIEW!!

Superman Returneth
Brandon Routh, Kevin Spacey, Parker Posey, and Kate 'Skeletor' Bosworth

We don't make it a habit to see 3-hour movies at 10pm on a school night, but when Marlon Brando beckons from beyond the grave, you'd better answer. Plus, i trust director Bryan Singer, and he did not let me down.
Brandon Routh didn't pique my interest in any of the trailers, but he was REALLY good, playing Clark and Superman just differently enough to make it interesting... and he's a total hottie once he gets going. :P The ever-present forehead curl was a little distracting, but then i realized that i kept wanting to fix it for him (aka 'stroke his beautiful face'), and that was probably the point. He was vintage Superman, all man of steel and truth and justice, and a spot-on Clark Kent: nerdy, tortured, clever. i was impressed.
Kevin Spacey is a fantastic Lex Luthor, no surprise there, and Parker Posey as his ... girlfriend? assistant? sister? barber?, Kitty Kowalski, is nothing short of inspired. i laughed at everything she said and did; anyone else in the role would have been utterly forgettable. Plus she wins for best wardrobe. And Kate Bosworth. *sigh*. i almost got up in the middle of the movie, called every Round Table and In-N-Out in Beverly Hills and had 80 pounds of food delivered to her. Or i could've told Round Table to hire her as a cheese grater, that's how bony this girl is. It was very distracting. i get that Superman is supposed to whisk her around like the big, strong man he is, but he does enough heavy lifting to communicate that; she didn't need to be all of 75 pounds and nearly swimming in every costume. Speaking of swimming, we're supposed to believe she can dive into a stormy ocean wearing a ball gown and pull a sinking, 225lb Superman to the surface? This girl looks like she can barely hold up her purse! Performance-wise, she wasn't bad. i dunno. James Marsden is good as Lois's fiance Richard, the great guy who is everything, including heroic and easy on the eyes..... except he's just. not. Superman. And the little boy, who happens to be 5 years old (gee, didn't Lois and Superman boogie down right before he left 5 years ago? interesting...) is actually a good little actor with a good storyline. And you know i'm not a fan of children in general, much less monkeying up otherwise good movies, but it was done well.
SO. A great, nay, SUPER! movie-going experience. The only downfalls are the way-too-long running time and Bosworth's physical presence....or lack thereof. 4.5 out of 5 red underpantses.

camp, the non-denominational way

Continuing in the grand old tradition of Summer, i was at camp last week. (Not Nazarene camp... they finally figured out i was having my ordained friends fake my 'pastor's recommendation' and that i wasn't actually attending a Nazarene church)
i was in Coloma, on the American Rio, heretofore referred to as Surface Of The Sun 2.0., driving trailer-load after trailer-load of amped youngsters to the river every afternoon. Van-loads too, but we also snuck (too) many into the trailer to hang on for dear life with their tubes. Take that, Fuzz! i was also supervising late night pay-phone calls to boyfriends, steering clear of nightly farting contests in the girls' tent, (girls have changed since i was one) and teaching city kids that 'Camping means you don't need a mirror to brush your teeth.' And they had their hands full with me, because i'm used to much more organization, programming, and a staff room stocked with yummies. Poor dears had to keep hearing 'Well, at Nazarene camp..." By the end of the week, though, more than one tradition-less student (of the same tradition-less persuasion that once asked me what a hymnal was) said 'The Nazarene church actually sounds pretty cool.' Well duh! What part of Phineas F. Bresee didn't strike you as 'cool' before??
Anyway, it was a good time. And after some harassing and bribing, i was able to get the boys from our church to name me as 'Hottest Counselor,' which of course was my whole reason for being there in the first place. That and serving Jebus or something. This weekend......another wedding!!

Movie Review

The Omen
Starring Liev Schrieber, Julia Stiles, and Mia Farrow

You're thinking: 'Um, WHY???' and it wasn't my first choice of activities on a nice Wednesday evening, but i had to mystery shop the movie theater where it was playing and it was either this or R.V. So.
No mystery about the plot here: the Thornes unwittingly adopt the spawn of Satan, borne of a jackal, after their child 'dies' in delivery. Five years later: crazy/scary shizzle hits the proverbial fan, Armageddon close behind.
i can handle, and even revel in, all the creepy thrillers thrown my way, provided the antagonists are humans do human things. Love the Hannibal Lecters, hate the Damien Thornes. i expected this movie to mess me up big time, but i was spared from too many disturbing images of devils and the like. Mostly because i'm an expert at watching through my fingers. Not to say i didn't let out a scream or two or decide to never own a black dog- at one point i screamed and jumped so suddenly and violently i actually came out of my shoe!
Anyway, i decided that at least a film like this would be interestingly shot, costumed, and acted, so it might be worth it. Lots of contrasting red and white and subtle and not-so-subtle religious symbolism, costumed to be relatively timeless. The acting was a little bit of a let down: Liev Schreiber delivered as usual, but Julia Stiles ... i dunno. She's never struck me as a particularly good actress. She has an interesting face, so she holds your attention, but her delivery is never natural enough. i think it really showed in this movie because she was surrounded by compelling actors like Schreiber and Mia Farrow. Speaking of Satan's original baby mama, she was WAY underused here. She rocked. Damien, played by Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick (i wonder if he's Irish) had maybe 3 lines total, so all he got to do was utilize the creepy 'dark-haired-kid-with-light-blue-eyes' staring thing for two hours. Not scary enough. The pbj scene, however, FREAK. Y. And the scooter: vaguely reminiscent of the tricycle in The Shining, so props for that. Oh yeah, and David Thewlis is good as the doomed reporter.
Overall, i'd say it was interesting, and while i'm glad i'm not going to be shivering in the fetal position all night long (speaking of The Shining...) i'm kinda bummed it wasn't scarier. Worth a look, and it stays very true to the original. 3.5 out 5 crazy nannies.

The (temporary) return of the Top 5

Top 5 Wedding Memories

The Photo Booth: Good, Clean, Black and White Fun, courtesy of Whitney & Tannan
Well, clean might be a misnomer, but any(free)thing that lets us revel in our good looks and boundless creativity for 3 hours is a-okay. i think one or two creations actually made it into the guest book where they belonged.

‘Why Are U-Turns Illegal Throughout The State Of Oregon?’, courtesy of Katie & Bobby
The missions were simple: pick up this, drop off that, etc. But we had to manuever the city, Frogger-like, going from point A to point B via point W.5 just because some granola-breath didn't feel like coming up with more than, oh say, 9 street names for the entire city. So why was it so fun?! because it HAD TO BE!

Homemade Hard Cider On An Empty Stomach, courtesy of Winter & Jason
One of the first weddings to be spirit-filled, the Nazarenes were exposed to a whole new denomination of celebration. Major losses for Phineas's team were recorded while Mr. Luther made significant gains.

If The Alumni House Is Rocking…. Don’t Use The Bathroom b/c It’s Probably Salmonella, courtesy of Rachel & Jason2
Oh Cheryl Smee, if you only knew the debauchery that (almost) went on under your roof! Good times are always had when you put too many of us in small quarters for the night, and this was no exception. Dietary mishaps and fears of Madame Tingley aside, it rocked.

It’s In Yuba City, What Could Possibly Go Wrong?, courtesy of Erin & Kane
How about Vicodin, car wrecks, facial viruses, girls armed to the teeth with 9-irons, and an Appletini mix that lurked in the back of my fridge for 8 months? All the more reason for Fun to triumph over Adversity!

Further evidence in the case against chihuahuas...

...they attract weirdos. (notable and sole exception: Tiger Tanaka) Case in point:

Angry owner uses dead puppy as a weapon
A woman angry that her new puppy had died pushed her way into a dog breeder’s home and repeatedly hit her on the head with the dead Chihuahua, authorities said.
The 33-year-old woman told police she had taken the puppy to a veterinarian, who said it was only 4 weeks old and needed to be returned to its mother. But before she could return the puppy, it died.
Early Wednesday, the woman went to the breeder’s home, pushed her way inside and began fighting with the breeder as she tried to make her way to the basement to get another puppy, police said.
The breeder wrestled the woman out of her house to the front porch, where the woman then hit the breeder over the head numerous times with the dead puppy, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reported, citing police.
As the woman drove away, she waved the dead puppy out of the car’s sunroof and yelled threats at the breeder, police said. She later called the breeder and threatened her and her family, according to court records.
Police said they are considering felony burglary charges against woman and misdemeanor assault charges.

Lock and Load

i was recently turned on to Boston Legal (starring James Spader, William Shatner, & Candice Bergen) and now i can't get enough of it. i thought i would be a legal drama that was occasionally funny, but i discovered it's actually a completely absurd comedy that is occasionally a legal drama. i watch alot of funny stuff, but this has its own place in the echelon of hilarity, because it's the kind of 'one-liner' funny that catches you totally off guard and makes you blurt out a loud laugh several times per episode. 99% of the humor comes from Alan (Spader) and Denny (Shatner) who bring new meaning to the terms 'deadpan' and 'eccentric'. I.e., one episode fades out with the two of them sitting on a balcony with lit cigars sticking out of their ears: Denny: 'We look good together.' Alan: 'Yes we do.'
---
Denny: How can you ban red meat?
Client: Well, they've got a whole campaign. They plan to promote Summersport as the seafood capital of the world.
Denny: We're carnivores. When the pilgrims landed, first thing they did was eat a few Indians. I'll argue it myself. Ban red meat. That cannot pass Constitutional mustard.
Shirley: The word is "muster," Denny, but you're right, the law lacks condiments.
---
Alan: [to his girlfriend, in a bar] Hello, I'm a complete stranger and I'm here to pick you up. [notices Joe] Oh, I see, there's two of us. I'll be evens, you be odds.
Joe: You got a problem?
Alan: No, actually. I just saw this fair maiden here talking to a tree trunk, and since I'm an arborist I thought I could help translate.
---
Alan: [to Laurie, after she catches him making out w/Sally in the library] Laurie, you disapprove of me. That warms my cockles!
---
The reaction shots of the rest of the cast is half the fun, and Denny spends the majority of his time in court sleeping. Sometimes they even acknowledge they're a tv show (even though it's not a reality show). Denny once asked someone, 'TiVo me, will ya?' and Alan has said 'Ah, Denny, I've hardly seen you this episode.' Cracks. Me. Up. This show rocks, i love it, and you should too. i think they're on summer hiatus or showing reruns, so go to Blockbuster and rent the first season.

Celebrity babies? YAWN.

Here's your million dollar pic: Miss Lizzie Alexander

Gramaphones, photobooths, pot, oh my!

The wedding of Whitney and Tannan (Whitnan? Tanney?) began last Wednesday and included a casino night (i'm really good at roulette), shrimp, a bouquet full of m&ms, So You Think You Can Dance, southern accents, mutants, ripped pants, a dog wearing a hat, and hippies.

The play-by-play:
The bridal party sang Little Mermaid songs to keep Whit from crying (happy tears) during the photo shoot. A boy with pink hair served tiny pizzas covered in feta during the cocktail hour. Josh was in charge of the processional and has since sworn off all gramaphones for the rest of his life. The guests rose to the challenge of lighting candles in the wind (which i hear is no way to live your life.) i was a very dutiful and attentive bridesmaid. A car alarm and competing donkey marked the kiss and pronouncement. The reception in the tent was gorgeous. We got seriously sidetracked by the guest book photobooth. The best man toasted with a sword. On the way to the bathroom: saw an uncle rolling a joint. On the way back: saw uncle smoking joint. Bride and Groom: amused, not surprised. Dance, dance, dance. Fun, fun, fun. Hogged the photo booth some more. Got some milk and cookies and drove home.
A good time was had by all and Whitney and Tannan seemed to have the most fun,which is the point, right? i stole these pics from David, you can see many more of his shots here. You can also go to the professional photographer's site and view her stuff if you set up an account and use the key word, Whitney.