Movie Review

Miami Vice
Colin Farrel, Jaime Foxx
directed by Michael Mann

Not good. i know....i should've known better. i've heard the rumors of it's suckiness, i've read articles about the many problems with its creation..... but i still thought it would have something to offer. Nada. All i gained from my $9.50 and 2 hours was "Hey, i didn't know Jaime Foxx had freckles!"
It followed the Action Movie Formula to the letter. Gratuitous sex, fast cars, graphic violence, minimal character development, you name it. Snooze. Yet calling it an 'action movie' would be giving it way too much credit. There was very little action at all. Well, besides the aforementioned 'romantic' action designed to make me, the female movie-goer more comfortable with the movie and able to identify with the characters. (Somehow, their getting it on in the back of a limo while negotiating a drug deal didn't really speak to my comfort or identity.) One big shoot-out scene at the end is all the action supplied, which begs the question: is it really action if they're all hiding in their respective holes and arbitrarily firing weapons? No chases, no fights, no running. This movie was a whole lotta nothing, except millions of dollars being flushy-flushed away.
i expected some level of 'buddy cop' dynamic between the two stars, but it was absent from the script in general, and they didn't seem in any mood to make one up. Jaime Foxx just hangs out and collects a paycheck, Colin Farrel tries this gritty cop voice thing, which makes it harder to understand him than it already is, and Gong Li plays a Spanish-speaking Chinese drug lord named Isabella (yes, you read that right) so i didn't get a word she said either. Add the fact that she and Colin Farrel have the most dialogue, and you're pretty much stuck reading lips. Except the darn camera is always on someone or something OTHER than the person talking! 'Edgy' editing made this movie more confusing than it already was, which is saying alot. i felt like i was watching an un-funny inside joke that everyone was too cool to let me in on. Note to film makers: you gotta let the viewers in on the joke. They PAID you to let them in on the joke.
i could go on, but i already spent too much time and money on this turkey. 1 out of 5 mojitos. (and how dare you involve the precious mojito in your devious doings, Michael Mann!)