Text messages in my phone, vol. 3...or 4. Can't remember.

(Yes, it's that time again. All these lovely snippets-out-of-context (or ARE THEY?) accurately transcribed, spellings and all. Extra points if you can guess who the gibberish ones are from.)

Have you been drinking?!

So yesterday was Gay Days at Disneyland. Best thing we saw was a pair of shirts on a couple of women that said 'i'm the butch' and 'i'm the bitch'.

Like fudgebibles....

He must have big panties! hee hee

i still wish i was running through a haunted corn maze instead.

Redding is a magical place! So, so weird.

But i might have to kill myself.

Don't tell anybody, but in the scenario that is my life, Michael Scott is played by my father.

Do you have chocolate syrup? (this from the diabetic)

Ames jos need of to baby sit?

They're practically umbreakable! (referring to infants, of course)

i want some quality time with my biznatch....that's you.

i'm having peanut butter and banana sandwich for lunch.

Oooooooo, i'd get to wear fake eyelashes!

A woman behind me in line at Borders today had her water break.

It just took me 42 minutes to eat a grilled cheese sandwich.

I just saw a Beth, Bath and Beyond sign with the b of bath burned out. Bed, ath and Beyond! Ath is a funny word. i laughed my ath off. That guy is an ath. HAHA!

Did you get any new clothes today? i live vicariously through other shoppers.

This is going to be a funny looking celebratory pizza.

i have arrived.

We went lead peeping in the nuns.

What does schmoopie want for dinner?

Confession: i am three hours deep into an America's Most Smartest Model marathon. And i love it.

Ornry is a funny word.

Di............ne

i thought i'd let you know that tonight i pooped in a toilet that once seated the asses of people like Jimi Hendricks, the Grateful Dead, Tom Petty, and so many more.

How much was it? if i wasn't on drugs right now i'd go get it. It sounds AWESOME.

i look like Marlon Brando in Godfather Part I, which i don't necessarily count as a bad thing.... (this was from a woman)

i keep telling jason i'll "make him an offer he can't refuse" so he'll bring me more applesauce.

What are some popular rap songs right now? (because when you think RAP, you think KALLIE MARKLE)

What color underwear should i have on?

So...no underwear?

Oh no, he has supplies of pink stuff everywhere!