well now i'm just confused.

i received two text messages last night from two friends who live in different cities, have never met, but both have relatively good taste when it comes to the arts.

First: "Everyone has to go see Indiana Jones right now because it's freaking amazing!!!"

Then: "indiana jones was BAD. it pains me more than you know to have to say that."

Sooooo, now what? The SciFi channel was showing Indy marathons last week and i was reminded of just how infectious that darn theme music is. Other observations included "Oh my stars i forgot how awful 'Temple of Doom' truly was." and "Oh my stars i forgot how truly fun 'Last Crusade' was."

Oh Indy. How you toy with my heart.

my movie meme

from Charlie. (a meme consists of any unit of cultural information, such as a practice or idea, that gets transmitted verbally or by repeated action from one mind to another.)

1. One movie that made you laugh
     The 40 Year Old Virgin
2. One movie that made you cry
     Mystic River
3. One movie you loved when you were a child
     The Three Amigos
4. One movie you’ve seen more than once
     The Red Violin
5. One movie you loved, but were embarrassed to admit it
     She's The Man
6. One movie you hated
     21
7. One movie that scared you
<-- The Shining 

8. One movie that bored you 

     Good Night & Good Luck 

9. One movie that made you happy 

     Tea With Mussolini 

10. One movie that made you miserable
     Atonement
11. One movie you weren’t brave enough to see
     Farhenheit 9/11
12. One movie character you’ve fallen in love with
     Tony Stark
13. The last movie you saw
     Iron Man 
14. The next movie you hope to see
     The Dark Knight
15. Your favorite movie
     Big Night-->

The Pen

Here are more picturess of our 4-legged crack-up. Her latest amusement: over a week ago we changed the sheets on our bed, and since the hamper was already overflowing, we naturally left the dirty sheets in a pile on the floor. They're still there because she loves to roll around in them, snorting and flopping and generally looking insane.

As usual, these visual feasts come courtesy of Jesse and Lyn, without whom our lives would be completely undocumented.

It's all connected, like a web. ...Oh, i get it now!

This isn't news, but the internet is a magical place, folks. Your particular foible can find it's international audience, people you'll never meet can know all about your eating habits, and you can sell a piece of toast with the blessed virgin's face on it.
In an effort to increase the interconnectedness of everything and bring balance to the universe while i belly dance with crystals and wear hemp, here is a list of people we're pleased to know and sites to which we are pleased to go. (in alphanumberic order) (now raise your hands if you thought, 'kallie really thinks it's pronounced/spelled 'numberic'!??) (everyone with their hand up sucks) Whatever. Let me know if i missed anything or if there's a site i must know about.

Betsy Lance
blog:: good for: intelligent musings, booklists
for reals site:: good for: pretty pictures and good design
-
Charlie Pardue "Thinking out loud about life, ministry, theology, film and discipleship."
good for: debating the worth of Spiderman, thought provoking questions, reviews of the latest theology books
-
Chris & Cassie "Safety never takes a vacation"
good for: facts about professional bicycling, fun journeys 'round the globe, east coast musings
-
Colbert Nation
good for: all things Stephen Colbert, who is the funniest person on the planet.
-
Daily Chuck
good for: cool pictures of cool dogs belonging to a total stranger (that friends, is the power of the web.)
-
David Overholt
Good for: examining the oddities of life, nifty pictures, artytechy stuff, trying to remember what it is David's studying and what ITP stands for
-
Design*Sponge
Good for: creative inspiration, ideas, lusting for things i can't afford
-
Derren Raser
good for: great music
-
Ebert & Roeper
good for: movie reviews, from the latest release to balcony archives going back 20 years
-
FOUNDmagazine
good for: amusing, odd notes, grocery lists and photos people find lying around and send in. Includes a new Find every day.
-
FreeRice
good for: increasing your vocabulary while donating rice to the UN World Food Program to help end world hunger.
-
GoFugYourself "fugly is the new pretty"
good for: very funny commentary on the latest atrocity worn by the latest celebrity
-
Jason & Winter "We sure are cute for two ugly people."
good for: cool tunes, hilarity, links to fantastic sites
-
JenkinsRUs
good for: updates on Rachel, Jason and Taylor and pics of the bluest baby eyes you'll ever see
-
Lyn & Jesse
blog::good for: fantabulous videos and pictures (many of which feature yours trulies)
for reals site:: good for: bitchin' videos of the advertising persuasion and other misc. purpose
-
Matt & Bren
good for: updates and pictures of Little Miss Awesome
-
Mipa Lee
good for: creative inspiration, great design and illustration (Mipa is a friend of Betsy's)
-
Petfinder
good for: um, finding pets, also finding local recue organizations, articles on pet care, and more
-
Postsecret
good for: fascinating and sometimes heartbreaking secrets on postcards that people mail to a random guy in Maryland, posted every Sunday.
-
Television Without Pity "spare the snark, spoil the networks"
good for: witty recaps of your favorite shows
-
What Claudia Wore "A look into the closet of Stoneybrook's most fashion-forward babysitter"
good for: clever rehashings of those Babysitters Club books you loved so much in junior high, specifically, the fashion creations of your favorite character, Claudia Kishi.
-
YouTube "Broadcast yourself"
good for: ....if you don't know what YouTube is good for then go there and do a search "water slide doberman", "dramatic chipmunk", "backflip jeans" or "korean baby hey jude" for examples of its majesty

look who's all growed up

Let it be known that on this eighth day of the month of May, year of our Lord two thousand and eight, Travis Roy Baker; alias Oatmeal; alias Ed Fiscal; alias Cynical NonBeliever; rocker of the Macgyver mullet, head gear, and transition-lense glasses with spandex head strap; player of Micro Machines and kazoos; dyer of hair; performer of plays and impressive magical feats; writer; repeated dater of younger sister's friends; wearer of tiny cowboy hat and matching boots; once-rumored Buddhist; editorializer; cafeteria worker; reader of Clavin & Hobbes and Vonnegut and many Piers Anthony paperbacks; firstborn and last boy; master and owner of Newt (r.i.p.); eventual graduate; worshipper of Star Wars; beer can Christmas tree decorater; executioner of teddy bears and Barbies; concealer of tattoos; attempted enabler of sister-drunkenness; pourer of orange juice; scholar; breaker of motor vehicle laws; giver of logs as Christmas gifts to naïve siblings; subsequent teacher to siblings to not be so naïve next time; anonymous critic of Jim De Saegher; former Giant Eyeball; associate producer of epic junior high cinema; road tripper; broker of suspicious trades; son of Big Time and Sherrilyn; brother of Kallie and Bonnie; brother in law of Josh and Andy; special friend to Amber; has marked thirty consecutive years of life and is entitled to all accompanying honor and derision.

just a Friday reminder::

You will never be younger than you are today.

DUDE.

(we've all done it- distractedly left something important sitting idly while we rush on unawares, but seriously! Really Philippe? REALLY??)

Musician reunited with $4M violin he left in N.J. cab
Grammy-nominated violinist has been reunited with a $4 million violin he left in the back of a cab.

Philippe Quint exited a minivan cab at New York City's Battery Park early Monday, leaving the 1723 Antonio Stradivari "Ex-Keisewetter" inside.
The violin spent the remainder of the night on the seat of the cab, which owner Mohamed Khalil parked on a Newark street. By the morning, he was still unaware of what he was carrying.
By then, the frantic Quint was calling the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey, and Newark's Taxi Commission, which put the word out that the violin was missing.
On Monday afternoon, Khalil checked his taxi while at Newark Liberty International Airport and discovered the violin case with the instrument inside.
Quint soon arrived, dropped to his knees and shed tears of joy.

texts. the saga continues.

-Maybe so. Wiry hair?

-Kgpdmwwtajg.tkag.adtjamwtjt

-i just heard an avril song on the radio, i always think about how told me that jason loves her. It makes me smile.

-what's the book We're reading for club this month? i just remember some long author's name that no one could pronounce but you.

-(i promise i won't be a psycho neighbor and stalk her)

-Full on drum set or something like tymphani? (haha! someone thinks i know what a thimpyni-thingy is.)

-i'm watching two squirrels attacking each other at the park. small cute furry animals are VICIOUS!!

--i hope they don't realize i have kettle chips. i bet they wouldn't heitate ripping my throat apart for some tuscan three cheese.

---oh no ive lost sight of one of the squirrellys. am i being distracted? they don't hunt like raptors do they?

----oh wait. i spotted him. he is chewing on a sprinkler pipe. chewing like a raptor that is.

-----they went up a tree. im sensing an aerial strike.

-i'm literally teething, kallie. and oragel tastes nasty.

-this is all most definitely going in our screenplay.

-Well PTL!

-Mischief of the most brilliant kind.

-Iphone says thankyou

-May i come borrow mr drill motor?

-can lyn borrow you ironing board?

-I wish you would guppy up and get your pooch on so i could take her for walks!

-That will be enough of YOUR lippy!

-And That's serious because the Academy will take your film equipment away for that shit.

-whitneys still alive? its a miracle!

-Google says To Much To Handle.

-my hands smell like baby.

-its all secret files! dont show anyone!!

-"i've been using pretty much 1 new word a week, but i forget them." -just overheard from NYU undergrad girl

-I hear desmond and faraday have a passionate gay sex scene tonight. Faraday asks desmond to be his constant and bam...They are at it like 2 cowboys in the montanna mountains after a long day of hearding sheep

-I can do that, i'll whisper her to the best of my abilities!

-Doggy?

-there was a shrink on the island??? where has she been this whole time?! so much could have been avoided!

-tim riggins' dad! and also, juliet's boobs!

-No so much smarty now huh

-Go go gadget paws

-this apple tastes like green onions.

-Steak me

-She's not a dude! She's kinda cute... So we'll see what happens.

-i get annoyed being around really "nice" people. they are corny and not witty, and therefore boring.

-We doing naps and then maybe cookies later

-have fun with that bleh

-i want a job where i just ride a lawnmower at the park all day.

-you know what they should make? deodorant that smells like freshly cut grass.

-what color eyeshadow do you wear to meet tami taylor?!?!

-You should run over and see the cutest mt puppy... Tylers parents

-a waterbra. HA! i kid! something homemade and awesome, natch.

-i have NINE lip balms/glosses in mt purse right now. NINE. no one needs that much lip gloss. not even angelina jolie. and she's got more real estate to cover than anyone!

-happy easter! the chocolate-filled easter bunny is risen!

-a last just came into this 99cent Chinese food restaurant yelling that french fries gave her diharrea all night...What did she expect?!?

-Cupcake week on martha!

-i said REJOICE WITH ME!!!!

-the tudors is so boring this season! its all "separation from rome" and no sex!! 

-Did you mean Jer Shuggiebear Skatemaster?

-Bahaha! A neat face!

-agreed! can marc come too? we need a gay best friend too dont we? to tell us what not to wear etc....

-god i HATE meredith grey.

-Yeah!! Ass kicker!

-i declare today pat benetar day. 

do it

Make a list of your top 50 songs. Out of that, make a list of the top 15. Out of that, rank the top 10 in order of topmostest to less topmostest.

Don't get hung up on criteria like whether it represents the best music has to offer or 'does this cover version count?' or 'classical music included?' or 'excluding religious songs?' or 'can i have 49 Radiohead songs and one Britney Spears song?' or anything like that. Just name your top 50 songs. Simple as that. You can have varying reasons for why a song is on your list, it's totally personal. You don't have to defend any of your choices, so go ahead, put Clay Aiken on there!

Don't do it overnight. A list like this takes rumination. Start with your favorite artists, albums, maybe your favorite movie and work from there. This is not your version of 'the 50 greatest songs ever made' nor is it your life's soundtrack, though elements of both will most likely be present. It is purely the 50 songs you like the most. If you don't have 50, make a list of 30. Rank your top 10 though...you must. Why? because. Those are the rules.

Check back in a few days. i'll have my list and you must share yours. Those are the rules.

You're peanut butter and jealous.

This is Ruby, to whom belongs our friends Josselyn and Deven, and she lives just over the river from us so we get to see her frequently. In addition to being heartbreakingly cute, she is, like so many parents THINK their children are (but who really aren't), a genius and a comedian and a visionary. No really, it's true. i want to become (no, not HAVE, become) a baby just so i can make her my babybff and we can be awesome babies together and take the world by storm. First step, overthrow the Pampers corporation, one box at a time.

funny pets

Just to be that annoying couple who think their mongrols are God's gift to the planet: our two pets are pretty funny. Penny is currently curled up on a pile of clean laundry, and every time the baby cries on the movie we're watching (yes, the pile of laundry is in the living room) she sits up and rotates her head around really oddly. She also occasionally runs to the window to stare at the white pit bull who always reaches the window at the exact second she does, and just so happens to look and move exactly like her. Cosmo just finished making sweet love to a couch pillow then passed out asleep only to wake up, belch, and fall back asleep. 

i just can't stop myself

It's that time of year again: the season of sports betting and chest thumping.
Much like my gradual take-over of the Lucky Lady Fantasy Football league, i'm climbing the victory ladder in our office March Madness bracket mayhem. My irconclad selection system went something like this (for better or worse):
"USC fans are bit nutty, so i'm choosing Kansas."
"Xavier is a cool enough name to carry them to the Final 4, for sure."
"Josh didn't let me name the dog Memphis, so they're going to the championship."
"I don't know what UMBC stands for, so they can't be that good."
"So-and-so would never shut up about Gonzaga, and she bugged me, so they're not making it out of the first round."

So far that technique has propelled me to 2nd place (and no, it's not out of 2 people) so if "North Carolina? why not! John Niemeyer seems to like them, and he's tall" does what it's supposed to do, i just may be the golden goddess of sports and Josh will be taking my lucky butt to Vegas real soon.

and on that note

Let's continue the theme of popular culture doing everything it can to give girls more eating disorders and body image issues. Today we find out from ew.com that Random House is reissuing 12 books from the Sweet Valley High series that my chums and i all DEVOURED in junior high. When the first Sweet Valley High book was published in 1983, Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield, identical twin heroines of the soon-to-be wildly popular teen fiction series, were described as blonde, beautiful, and a "perfect size 6." Now bid welcome to a new, thinner, Sweet Valley High: Random House is reissuing the books with a few small editorial tweaks. The twins' "perfect size 6" has been reduced to a "perfect size 4." Kudos, Random House, for not only introducing body-image issues to a whole new generations of young fans, but proudly trumpeting this point in the press release.

Really, Random House? REALLY? You actually believe that shrinking some already-below-average-weight teen heroines is going to sell enough additional copies to make it worthwhile to promote these kinds of ideals? Shame on you. And God help our daughters.

Brava!

There is a website that i love, the title and concept of which may raise an eyebrow or two, but it's harmless silliness. It's called Go Fug Yourself, and it's a blog that pokes good clean fun at the ugly things worn by people who are basically paid ungodly amounts of money to look beautiful. (Be advised: right now the Fug Girls are in the midst of their March Madness brackets, so the site's a little crazy.) The girls also write a fashion column for New York Magazine, and their latest is an excellent look at the habit of major fashion magazines to do annual 'shape' issues, pat themselves on the back, and then promptly banish all models who weigh triple digits from their building for the next 11 months. They're excellent writers, deftly balancing humor and legitimate point of view and i highly recommend this particular installment. Read the full column here, or an exerpt:

Despite presumably good intentions, the shape issue feels more like Vogue trying to bum a ride on a politically correct bandwagon, and our girl Anna Wintour is a particularly lousy hitchhiker. Her editor’s letter boldly blames designers for using scrawny models to present “a non-vivacious, homogenous ideal,” then steps all over that, in its attempt to homogenize zaftig designers Kate and Laura Mulleavy of Rodarte by offering them a free 4-month diet and exercise plan — or, as Vogue puts it, “what some might consider a dream proposition.” Sure, some might; others might consider it rude. Vogue claims it wants them to gain “peace of mind and the energy to prosper;” the Mulleavys bluntly say Vogue thought they should lose weight.... Because it peddles fashion and fantasy better than anyone, these clumsy attempts to soften up just feel as patronizing and ham-handed as a Very Special Episode of Blossom.

peeptastic!

Just when you're losing faith in humanity, something like this pops (or peeps?) up.

PEEPS SHOW II

The second annual Sunday Source Peeps Diorama Contest, sponsored by the Washington Post, drew more than 800 sugar-filled entries from our readers. Here, the 37 best creations. You'll especially want to see the interpretations of Ghostbusters, A Christmas Story, pop art and the running of the bulls in Pamplona.

mmm, kibble

Go to THIS SITE.

Click the purple box.

Done.

You just donated food to a rescued animal! You didn't have to give your name or email, it didn't cost a cent, and it took 10 seconds. 20 if you have dial-up.
Fun, huh?

Now do it again.

Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange for advertising. Make it your homepage or one of your favorites and re-visit often!

Please, God (....or Satan?), NO.

Michael Bay may spawn a new 'Rosemary's Baby'
'Rosemary's Baby' may soon get an evil twin. Paramount has partnered with Michael Bay's production company Platinum Dunes to develop a remake of Roman Polanski's 1968 classic, about a young woman unwittingly impregnated with the devil's child. The original, of course, starred Mia Farrow and won a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for Ruth Gordon. Although Polanski doesn't have any contractual control over a new version, Paramount has reached out to the director for his blessing, according to a studio insider. "We certainly come to [the project] with trepidation because of how important [the original] film is," says Dunes partner Brad Fuller. "But we're going to see if there's a great way to tell that story." To that end, Fuller and co-is currently taking pitches from screenwriters around town. Fuller doesn’t expect that Bay, currently set to helm 'Transformers 2' for summer 2009, will direct this Baby.

------

Let's break this down, shall we? You have the original film, based on Ira Levin's literary gem, directed by Roman Polanski, the Oscar-winner behind Chinatown and The Painist. It's a masterful classic, a slowly unfolding horror realized through subtle, Oscar-winning performances. Then you have Michael Bay. Producer du jour of such cinematic feats as The Island, Bad Boys II, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, and of course, my personal point of loathing, Transformers. With Bay at the helm, even if he's not in the director's chair, naive waif-wallflower Rosemary, played so well by Mia Farrow, will be played by the latest red-lipped bimbo (or worse, Ashlee Simpson). Instead of a 60's housewife, Rosemary will be cop working undercover as something wholly unbelieveable, like a spaceship mechanic, and her husband, Guy, played in this version by the terribly miscast (and beefed up) Justin Long, hoping to make that painful leap from comedy to drama, will be a rogue arms dealer instead of a struggling stage actor. Instead of Tanis Root as the devil's drug, the senior citizen coven will use Rufis, and Rosemary and Minnie will have a showdown at the abortion clinic, instead of Bergdorf's, just for added effect. There will be car chases, maybe a speedboat chase, someone will get knifed in the eye, there will be a vague reason for Guy to go into a strip club, and Rosemary's gal pals will all be changed to campy gay men. The Prince of Darnkess, who makes a very brief, fractured appearance in the original, will have several scenes in this version. Ro's horned babydaddy will of course be played by a foreign actor, Russian, or Middle Eeastern.

How'd i do?

Perhaps Ira Levin's 'novel' was really a true story, and there really was a woman impregnated with Satan's baby, and instead of naming the li'l demon Adrian, she named it Michael....

Just conjecture.

a penny saved

We adopted a dog! She'd had a bad owner who was taken to court for starving and neglecting her, and she was put in the pound while the deadbeat was on trial. While in the pound she either met the love of her life or was very unkindly violated (it's unclear as to which since she was not keeping a diary at the time), but she had 8 puppies. The pound was going to euthanize her and her pups, but Save A Dog Today, a local rescue group, found them all foster and permanent homes. She'd been living with her very nice foster mom in Red Bluff for the last year, just enjoying life with the other foster dogs, the cats and the goats.

Now, she's ours! We've named her Penny, she's about 2 years old, a pit bull/bulldog mix, and is a great dog. She's a little shy, especially around men, but she loves Josh and i to pieces. She's very well-behaved, enjoys chilling out on her dog bed, getting belly scratches, and chasing lizards, and came with some very cool dance moves. She is very pretty and has a great smile. My grandpa says we need to take a sharpie and draw eyebrows on her, but i think we'll save that for Halloween. She's a great walking buddy, although a bit of a scardycat sometimes. She's only mildly interested in Cosmo, which confuses and insults him to no end, since he's used to Kahlua's unhealthy obsession with him. In typical bull-breed fashion, she sneezes backwards, so it's more of a bizarre snort than a sneeze, and we're still getting used to that sound and the idea that it's only a sound, with no spewing substances accompanying. She snores a bit, too, and it's funny. She's a great size, not too big but still beefy enough to hug and she's very soft and doesn't seem to shed. She's a very easy-going dog, happy to nap while we read or watch tv and has kept the barking-at-our-neighbors to a minimum. Come meet her! She's family now!

Sidebar: some people were justifiably concerned about us adopting a dog (much less a pit bull) rather than getting a puppy. We spoke extensively with Penny's foster mom, met the 2 of them at Petco, and had a home visit before any decisions were made. We were very impressed with SADT and the commitment they have to making good matches, not just getting the dogs adopted. We recommend that anyone considering adopting use a similar approach. Getting a sense of who's been 'parenting' your dog while it awaits its home is just as important as liking the dog itself. Also, Penny came to us in great health, is fixed, up to date on all shots and vaccines, and is microchipped. Even after spending money on a bed, crate, leash, and other accessories, her adoption fee only covered a fraction of the regular vet bills one would incur with a puppy. That being said, if you're looking to adopt, use Petfinder. It's a great database of all kinds of pets looking for homes all over the country. Just select what you're looking for and enter your zip code, and then just try to resist all the cute furry faces waiting for you in your town. Or, if you're NOT planning on adding an animal to your brood, consider making a donation to a rescue organization in your area. They're usually non-profit (ie, tax deductible) and are run by good, hard working people. Sermon over.

ummm, where's my chicken dinner? cuz i'm a WINNER.

Just a quick note to gloat: during the very first episode of Project Runway, Josh and i made our final 3 and winner predictions. i was 100% right. This, following my uncanny Fantasy Football victory, officially constitutes a streak, folks. Look out, world! i'm headed to Vegas!
Also, congrats to Princess SkinnyPants Wunderkind on his victory and to Rami and Jillian for their very strong showings.

now there's a headline you don't read every day

STEPHEN KING, JOHN MELLENCAMP TEAM UP FOR MUSICAL
– Stephen King has written the script for Ghost Brothers of Darkland County, a stage musical scored by John Mellencamp. The production will open at Atlanta's Alliance Theatre in April 2009 with the aim of an eventual Broadway run. The production is being described by the theater as ''a sultry Southern gothic mystery with a blues-tinged, guitar-driven score.'' The story is about the deaths of two brothers and a young girl and the legend that grows out of the tragedy. The concept came from Mellencamp, who said he heard the tale years ago in his hometown of Seymour, IN.