text messages in my phone

(you're probably thinking 'how can she have these lists so frequently?" the answer is twofold. i can go thru 30 texts in a day, and i have some very funny people on the other end of the line.)

-I told her that all depends on if you believe life begins at conception
-I Fwd'd that to a single girl i know & she found the information neither funny or useful. In fact she called me a bitch. You try to help a friend...
-So would you like the honor me being my valentine?
-Yeah and stupid mesh hat
-Holy poop rats where will you in now?
-There Will Be Three Hours Of Nothing Happening
-Who is this tiger-loving namesake?
-Bonnie (a mystery text from...you guessed it, Bonnie)
-Our house is open if you need a place to not perish.
-If you eat onions, your breath is nabbage!
-i'm a playa playa
-Are you saying michael Jackson is a gov. Built robot designed to molest little boys to distract us from the war?
-Where is the poem to prove it, huh? HUH?
-Yes but you had a crush on every boy. So he doesnt even make a blip.
-You should come down here for the va-j-j monologues next weekend!
-you're joking right? all Tom Petty does is smoke weed. my parents took us to see him when i was 15 (max was 9. ha! and he knew all the words), and he lit up on stage.
-I decided that cleaning the litter box is like gold panning for poo and pee.
-let us rejoice in our 12 year old boynish! boyishness? boesqueicity?
-Hope possweiler didn't scare them on the way out.
-we will have to call it "i aint done nothin wrong yer honor" cuz that's all i heard today.
-Aww man! You made me giggle in the quiet part!
-Kgpdmwwrajg.tkag.adtjamwtjt
-jason schwartzman has a sexy voice. i want to have babies with it.
-see! it's not just me and the gays!
-I'm almost as excited as I willie on my wedding night!
-Well yeah, you have to look past the little piles of poo in order to take advantage of the zen garden litter box. Doy.
-they will probably have robots that will prepare, chew and digest their food for them. just a guess.
-Oops that was meant for my friend kallie
-who knew flying hamsters were so hard to control?
-Hahah! Sorry meow meow kitty meow meow
-you would be amazed at the amount of stomach contents i just left in the parking lot after watching cloverfield.
-false alarm. it wasn't a real dog.
-I wish that man was straight! Love him!
-I'm really good at pouring orange juice.
-if beds ever become obsolete i will cry myself to sleep. oh wait....dammit future!
-Drop Josh and then we'll consider if you can hang with us.
-Who the crap is chocopie?
-Oh i won't- i keep my vagina in a secret oak treasure chest under my bed.
-i don't nothin bout birthN No penis
-Charlie has a peepee! When can we cut it off?!
-We're going to see I Am Legend at 4:30. You and Lyn need to decide if you've got the balls to see it or if your gonna go see the Little Mermaid instead.
-If by weird you mean awesome then yes.
-i hate high schoolers. don't they know how dumb they are? (this was from a high school teacher, naturally)
-i hear God is pooing snow on you. (from an east coast friend, received on a sunny day)
-Janet has a roomba and it scares the HELL out of me. so i just keep thinking "what do u expect mother?! i'm half machine!"
-I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! Yay for boobies!
-man alive. (spouse's) grandparents really know how to bring the boring.
-happy ludrichristmas!! i'm sad to say that santa did NOT bring me a spider pig...
-Hope you scored with santa. Wait not like that
-The JW's are in the hood, don't answer your door!
-Nothing like a 4 hour drive in the snow hungover
-Definately, probably!
-Do you have Markles Address?
-Are we going to fly go your private jet to go see it...don't tease me like that.
-No way! I didn't know that dog could shoot lasers!