Ban, Schman

Presently, i am working my way through Vladimir Nobokov's infamous novel, Lolita. i say 'working my way through' because i am listening to the audio version, masterfully rendered by Jeremy Irons, and when i tell people i am 'reading an audio book' they scoff and say i'm not 'reading', but rather 'listening'. i scoff at the scoffers and smack them in the face with a white glove. So reading can only be done with the eyes? Or, for the blind, with fingertips? Nonsense. It is being engaged with a story and i am equally if not more engaged with an audiobook than i am with any bundle of paper and ink. But i digress.
Lolita is scandalous book, telling the story of the obsession Humbert Humbert has for 12-year-old 'nymphet' Dolores Haze. It is masterfully written, albeit quite squirm-inducing. The most unfortunate side effect of my being engrossed in it is the nagging persistence of that old Police song, 'Don't Stand So Close To Me,' the lyrics of which i don't really know, except for the repetitve chorus, a few snatches of phrase and the part: 'He sees her/He starts to shake and cough/Just like the old man in/That book by Nabokov'. (folks, finding a way to cite and rhyme Nabokov is no small feat. Well done, Sting.) i can't get it out my head. i'm starting to go as nuts as Humbert.
Anyway, Nabokov had a bugger of a time finding an American publisher for his book, due to its subject matter and it was banned in Britain and France. Having this on my mind, i looked up other banned books and found out that the American Library Association's 'Banned Book Week' is annually in the last week of September. FYI. i'm telling you this in advance so you can pick out what piece of political salaciousness you can indulge in and thereby give a big middle finger to the prunes who wouldn't let you do your 5th grade book report on Lady Chatterly's Lover.
i found a list of banned books from Forbidden Library and a few other sites, and here are the ones i've already read, not realizing most of them had such sordid histories, along with their reasons for banishment: (it should be noted that a ban can range from a government forbidding its crossing the border, to an elementary school library refusing to carry it)
1984, by George Orwell- 'for being pro-communist'
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, by Mark Twain - ' too full of racially charged language'
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, by Lewis Carrol - banned in China 'for portraying animals and humans on the same level'
All Quiet on the Western Front, by Erich Maria Remarque - Banned in Nazi Germany for demoralizing and insulting the Wehrmacht
Animal Farm, also by Orwell - 'because of anti-Stalin theme'
Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl, by Anne Frank - 'due to "sexually offensive" passages'
As I Lay Dying, by William Faulkner - 'for language and for being anti-Christian'
Beloved, by Toni Morrison - 'because of its language'
The Holy Bible - William Tyndale, who partially completed translating the Bible into English, was captured, strangled, and burned at the stake (1536) by opponents of the movement to translate the bible into the vernacular. Beginning around 1830, "family friendly" bibles, including Noah Webster's version (1833) began to appear which had excised passages considered to be indelicate
Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley - 'because the book "centered around negative activity'
Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee, by Dee Brown - 'for being "slanted."'
The Call of the Wild, by Jack London - Banned in Italy (1929), Yugoslavia (1929), and burned in Nazi bonfires (1932).
Catcher in the Rye, by JD Salinger- 'due to "profanity, reference to suicide, vulgarity, disrespect, and anti-Christian sentiments."'
Charlie & the Chocolate Factory, by Roald Dahl- because it 'espoused a poor philosophy of life.'
The Color Purple, by Alive Walker - due to its "troubling ideas about race relations, man's relationship to God, African history, and human sexuality."'
The DaVinci Code, by Dan Brown - Banned in Lebanon after Catholic leaders deemed it offensive to Christianity
Fahrenheit 451, by Ray Bradbury - Ironically, students in Irvine, Calif. received copies of the book with scores of words--mostly "hells" and "damns"--blacked out. The novel is about censorship.
Frankenstein, by Mary Shelley - 'as "indecent, objectionable, or obscene".'
Gone with the Wind, by Margaret Mitchell - ' because it uses the word "nigger."'
The Grapes of Wrath, by John Steinbeck - 'because the book uses the name of God and Jesus in a "vain and profane manner along with inappropriate sexual references."'
Gulliver's Travels, by Jonathon Swift -'denounced as wicked and obscene in Ireland'
Hamlet, by William Shakespeare
Huckleberry Finn, also by Twain - 'for the use of the word "nigger"'
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, by Maya Angelou - 'due to the poet's descriptions of being raped as a young girl'
James & the Giant Peach, also by Dahl - 'because the book contains the word "ass" and "promotes" the use of drugs (tobacco, snuff) and whiskey....and encourages children to disobey their parents and other adults.' (James's guardians were abusive, so he ran away)
King Lear, also Shakespeare -'Lear was performed in drastically adapted form--and boasted a happy ending in which Lear is restored to the throne and Cordelia survives.'
Leaves of Grass, by Walt Whitman - 'for the use of explicit language in some poems'
A Light in the Attic, by Shel Silverstein - 'because the book "enourages children to break dishes so they won't have to dry them."...and because some poems "glorified Satan, suicide and cannibalism, and also encouraged children to be disobedient."'
The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe, by CS Lewis - 'because it depicts "graphic violence, mysticism, and gore."'
Little House in the Big Woods and Little House on the Prairie, by Laura Ingalls Wilder - 'because it "promotes racial epithets and is fueling the fire of racism."' and 'because the book is "offensive to Indians."'
The Lorax, by Dr. Suess - 'because it "criminalizes the foresting industry."'
The Martian Chronicles, also by Bradbury - ' for profanity and the use of God's name in vain.'
The Merchant of Venice, also by Shakespeare - 'due to its portrayal of the Jewish character, Shylock'
My Friend Flicka, by Mary OHara - 'because the book uses the word "bitch" to refer to a female dog, as well as the word "damn."'
The Odyssey, by Homer - 'Caligula tried to suppress it because it expressed Greek ideals of freedom.'
Slaughterhouse-Five, by Kurt Vonnegut - 'because of "foul language, a reference to 'Magic Fingers' attached to the protagonist's bed to help him sleep, and the sentence: 'The gun made a ripping sound like the opening of the fly of God Almighty.' "'
Song of Solomon, also by Morrison - 'because it contains language degrading to blacks, and is sexually explicit.'
To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee - 'because the book "represents institutionalized racism under the guise of 'good literature'."'
Twelfth Night, also by Shakespeare - 'because of a policy that bans instruction which has "the effect of encouraging or supporting homosexuality as a positive lifestyle alternative."'
Uncle Tom's Cabin, by Harriet Beecher Stowe - ' because the novel contains the word "nigger."'
Welcome to the Monkey House, also by Vonnegut - 'because the book promoted "the killing off of elderly people and free sex."'
Where the Sidewalk Ends, also by Silverstein -'because the book "suggests drug use, the occult, suicide, death, violence, disrespect for truth, disrespect for legitimate authority, rebellion against parents."'
Where's Waldo?, by Martin Handford - 'because there is a tiny drawing of a woman lying on the beach wearing a bikini bottom but no top.'

Kind of crazy. Remember, these are just the ones i've read- there are many, many more out there kept off the shelves and out of backpacks. Fight the good fight. Read to your kids.