Harry Potter and the Order of Awesome

This was my first big screen Harry Potter movie since becoming a superfan. I’ve been going like crazy this last week trying to read all of book 5 and rent and watch the first four movies. I didn’t get all of the book read though, mostly because I had to sleep and work, but trust me, I was reading WHENEVER POSSIBLE, including at red lights and yes, in the bathroom. I was at page 567 of 870 when the movie started, which was kind of fun because I knew all of the set up and whatnot but didn’t know what was going to happen in the end.
Some other superfan-friends and I went and saw the movie yesterday, the first full day it was out in Redding. We got in line about an hour early, and just in time too, because it was stretched around the building for a 5pm show! We had awesome seats in a packed house, which is always rewarding. I was so excited when the opening credits rolled that I grabbed Ashley and kind of hurt her.
It was GREAT. Having seen all five movies in 3 days, I could compare them all and was very impressed with how much the cast’s acting has improved over the years. Alan Rickman, Dame Maggie Smith and Gary Oldman have ALWAYS been good of course, but the kids hold their own too. The advancement of special effects just in the 5 years since the wizards took to the screens has been astonishing. Oh man, I could go on and on but I don’t really know what I’m talking about in terms of how it was lit and shot and CGI-ically realized so I’ll just say it was BEYOND COOL. I think movie 3 still may be my favorite, visually speaking (directed by Children of Men’s Alfonso Cuaron) but it’s a pretty close competition.
Naturally, movies never live up to their books in terms of how the stories unfold, and it’s frustrating to watch things get truncated and flip-flopped, but what can you do? Evidently this was the shortest Potter movie so far, even though book 5 was the longest, so big ups to the writer and director for keeping it all in check.
My only beef? Not enough attention was devoted to Harry dealing with that one horrible thing that happens to that one person in the big battle! Come on! That is MAJOR! You gotta show the emotional aftermath. You can bet I’ll be finishing my last 300 pages tonight to make up for what I was cheated, film-wise.
So. Go see the movie, but read the first 5 books before you do :)
-kal

employed

i am no longer a dreg on society- i got a job in the Facilities Department at Simpson University being a paper pusher...literally. i create and track paper trails of everything from who fixed that broken sprinkler to who is renting the off-campus housing. Not what i want to do with my life by far, but it pays pretty well, i get to work with my fun friend Dee, and i can get out of the house for something other than spending all of Josh's hard-earned money. Simpson has a good record of promoting from within, so hopefully i'll be able to put in my dues and find something better suited to my abilities. And i guess it's also a good sign that within 24 hours of working there, my boss asked if he could borrow one of my Nintendo games. Last week while Josh was in Sacramento working i painted, wallpapered and decorated our bedroom to within an inch of its life, so now the total of rooms we've "Markle-ized" in our new house is.............ONE. WOOHOO! Anyway, it was fun and all and he liked the surprise, but it struck me as such a 'stay-at-home-wife' thing to do (i don't even have the 'raising kids' excuse!): "Look honey, while you were hard at work, i redid the bedroom! Don't worry, the throw pillows were %10 off!" i knew i needed to find a job. i didn't realize that Redding would offer so little, or that what it did offer would be so hard to find, but i have to have faith that i can stick it out at Simpson until i find a position i can really shine in. Until then, i'll just have to bring my own sparkle, push the limits of the 'no flipflops rule', use the power of Nintendo to my advantage.
Oh yeah, my official title is Facilities Secretary and my predecessor's name was Pam, how great is that? (if you do not watch The Office you A. will not understand why that is great and B. are living an incomplete life.

Postsecret

One of my favorite sites is Postsecret. People put their secrets on postcards and mail them to a guy named Frank in Maryland, who posts some on the Web every Sunday and has compiled a few books out of them. Some weeks there are themes to the secrets and this week's theme is fathers. The following blurbs are responses to this postcard (if the picture doesn't show you should still be able to click on it to see):

"My dad used to say that inside of the car's air-bags was uncooked popcorn. When you wrecked the popcorn would pop and you would have a snack until help came."

"When I was little, my dad told me ATMs worked by having little monkeys inside them. I believed that for years. Now I work in a bank, and wish it were true!"

"My dad told me the worst swear word you could possibly say was "Bostonian". It meant "someone who has no private parts." My brother and I used the word until we were teenagers and my father giggled every time we said it, right before he sent us to our rooms."

"When i was little my dad told me that polyester was a small animal in Australia & they would kill it to make clothes. That night i sat in my room reading the labels on my clothes for hours & threw all of the polyester ones away."

"When I was little my Dad told me that the tune played by the ice-cream van was the ice-cream man letting everyone know that he'd run out of ice-cream."

"When we'd approach exits or toll booths, my father told me the sound the car made when it went over the rumble strips was the car getting angry because I had been bad. I still sit up a little straighter when I hit a rumble strip."

And finally, my own dear father once told us he had a crooked nostril because he'd insulted my mother's stew and she had punched him in the face. i lived YEARS of my life believing my mom was that defensive of her cooking. i might have even told a few people. Sorry mom. Blame dad.

-kallie

"Is it cold in here? i feel a chill." -Satan

i owe many, many apologies to many, many fans of the Harry Potter series. It is everything you all always said it was, and this literary snob is humbled. i thought it was hype, i thought it was asinine, i thought it was waste. i thought wrong. Rowling is brilliant and i have a crush on Harry (even though i know that makes me kind of a weirdo) and i desperately want Guilderoy Lockhart's autograph and my own owl and i want to be the third Weasley twin and i want Snape to like me and i think Ron is beyond hilarious and so on and so forth. i cannot read these books fast enough; i'm thankful it has taken me this long to get acquainted because now i can read them all back to back to back without having to wait for the next one to come along. i can't wait to do my own Harry Potter film festival and you're all invited. Owls too.

-kal

catching up

Sooo, Memorial Day Weekend: i drove through the trees to Portland to visit Katie and Bobby, who took me to the rose-less rose gardens and all over that great Northwest city. Saturday Katie and i did even more driving, going to Seattle to attend Rachel's bebe shower (they made us give parenting advice....we made stuff up). Afterward we got see Rachel's house and Taylor's nursery before we did more driving back to P-land. At this point i was averaging 6 hours/day in the car. Sunday meant brunch with the Flath Clan because it was Katie's sister's birthday: a very enlightening experience, as anyone who's lived with Katie can surmise. i might have to have brunch there every time i visit Oregon. Out of 8 people i was one of 3 who weren't medical professionals or future medical professionals!! Families are funny. Anyway, then KaBob and i saw the movie 'Hot Fuzz' and pretty much died laughing/being scared. More on that later. We did a Borders trip so i could audiobookize my drive back home, then scooted our buns into night church and dinner. Later? easy-bake cookies and fancy wine, a fun combo. Monday morn i drove back home, only to be twenty miles from Redding when the Evil Cal Trans Holiday Weekend Crew closed a lane of the Shasta Lake bridge; it took me two hours to go 13 miles. Thank Baby Jesus i filled up in Yreka. Josh, left to his own devices for three nights, had decided to cook, so i was greeted with a bellyfull. Unfortunately, no magical elves had come and landscaped my yard, painted my house, or shaved my kitty in my absence. Thanks to Katie and Bobby for being super hosts/tour guides! i had mucho fun, can't wait to make another visit!

a Ghandi quote from Brandon

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."

'HOLY CRAP IT'S WALT!'

What's more fun than watching the fantastic season finale of Lost late at night? Recording it and then listening to your husband watch it the next day.

illumination

As Winter (not incorrectly) pointed out, Unemployed Kallie watches many, many movies these days (party due to the miracle of DVR and to the HBO channels we get for another month). Today i found 'Everything Is Iluminated', starring Elijah Wood and directed by Liev Schrieber. What begins as a quirky, odd-couple type film about an eccentric and withdrawan Jewish man (Wood) teamed with Alex, a hip-hop loving, Adidas-and-Kangol-clad Ukrainian tour guide in search of the woman who helped his grandfather escape the Nazis, slowly becomes a very moving story of past and secrets and family. Rounding out the cast is Alex's Grandfather, who pretends to be blind so he can have his "Officious Seeing Eye Bitch", Sammy Davis Jr Jr, by his side at all times, even though Sammy is a deranged dog adopted from the Center for Forgetful Animals. Alex is the translator and his broken English is funny and Jonathan (Wood) is an odd guy who doesn't speak any Russian or eat any meat, and is afraid of dogs. (Sorry SD,JJ) As they search for the apparently invisible village of Trechnibrod, Grandfather begins to take particular interest in their journey and his character becomes more than just 'grumpy old man'. The movie ends beautifully without losing sight of its original oddball flavor.

Everything is illuminated in the light of the past.

end of an era

Thusly the last of us has commenced education at that fabled, $350 million dollar campus nestled in busom of a seagull on a branch somewhere near Mexico. All Bakers are graduated and accounted for and our intellectual reign of terror has come to a close. Public $afety can retire their tickets and pepper spray, for their enforcement of all things arbitrary on all persons Us is officially over. Bongo walked, and we did our darndest to be the loudest patch in the quilt, then we bid adieu to the magical Point for many, many years. Who knows if any of our DNA will ever return? No bricks mark our having been there, no trophies or records adorn any walls with our name...Should none return, we'll simply be apsorbed like so many others into the general flavor of the air. That's why it tastes so good.

answer questions using only song titles

PICK A BAND: Ben Harper

1.) Are you a male or female?: She Believes

2.) Describe yourself: Diamonds On The Inside

3.) How do you feel about yourself?: Blessed To Be A Witness

4.) Describe where you currently live: With My Own Two Hands

5.) If you could go anywhere, where would you go?: One Road To Freedom

6.) Your best friend is: Gold To Me

7.) Your favorite color is: Brown Eyes Blue

8.) You know that there are: Roses From My Friends

9.) What's the weather like?: So High So Low

10.) If your life was a television show, what would it be called?: She's Only Happy In The Sun

11.) What is life to you?: Glory and Consequence

12.) What is the best advice you have to give?: Don't Take That Attitude To Your Grave

13.) Your current love interest is: By My Side

14.) What's your favorite hobby?: Burn One Down :) just kidding

15.) When you think of your friends you think: I Shall Not Walk Alone

16.) What do your friends think of you?: When It's Good

17.) What will you name your first child?: Suzie Blue

18.) You always travel with?: Picture of Jesus

don't see Spidey 3

We already wasted 2+ hours and $20 on this sad excuse for a summer blockbuster, i won't waste more time telling you just how awful it was. Just don't see it. And do your friends a favor and warn them too.

Les Picturresse (that's French)

The house.

The waterfall. It's huge.

The living room. (We removed ugly wood paneling and put up sheetrock. Not quite textured and painted yet.)

Fireplace. Also huge.

Bizarro kitchen.

The mystery room. First owner had an open air patio/bird sanctuary, second owner walled it up, put in a skylight, then ran out of money. Now it's The Room That Connects The Garage To The House And Is Scary At Night When Josh Isn't Here. Suggestions for future incarnations are welcome.

And what the heck are we supposed to do with this?? (yes, that's INSIDE the house.)

homebodies

We've been in our house for a week now and stuff is starting to sift out of boxes and into the right places. We're also figuring out things like 'the switch to turn on the light for the front walk is down near the floor on an electrical outlet in the guest bedroom, of course.' We've met a few neighbors and learned that part of our house used to be an open-air bird sanctuary in the 50s, which does alot to explain the ghost birds that keep showing up and slamming doors, pushing rocking chairs and generally causing mayhem. (okay, some portions of that sentence may not be true, i'll let you decide.) The previous owners left alot behind; some good things (ladders, paint supplies, furniture) and some not so good (TRASH FOR DAYS, tvs that don't work, 'gardening' supplies we upstanding citizens won't need) so in addition to unpacking we have to wade through all that. Cosmo, though tenative at fist and still scared of the waterfall even when it's not running, seems to like his new place. He can do his sprints and chase bugs without any rottweilers trying to put him in their mouths, but a part of him misses 4-legged company. An electrician is coming tomorrow to sort out the labyrinthine light/breaker box situation, then we can take care of the awful wood paneling and get a decent color of paint on the walls. Josh is telecommuting to his job at the winery and will eventually have to go down and work Tues/Weds/Thurs every other week, but for now is going down for those days every week in April. Not too fun but he stays with his parents and sees the fam more than he did when we lived in Elk Grove, so it works out. i am still waiting for the perfect job to drop from the sky, but am also looking for something to keep me busy until then. Despite all the trials and frustrations, we're immensely glad to be in Redding. We'd definitely lose our minds if we were doing trying to make a perfectly finished, astoundlingly boring plastic Elk Grove domino our home and only having a few corporate chain stores to do it with. Tonight while we were walking around the block we even saw stars! STARS! Can you imagine?? It's just wacky what these small towns have. Anyway, that's the update. The chaos of the move prevented us from getting any pictures of the house while it was empty, but as soon as we have it cleaned up a little (give us 6 months) we'll try to take and post some. COME VISIT! We even have a bed for you!

A 3 year old's perspective on monsters

Cute little girl, but i wouldn't mess with her.

Keeping up with the Davidseses

David explains his ordeal and the future of his brain: http://www.streamdavid.com/2007/03/26/a-traumatic-week/

i'm so glad you asked! To answer your question...

->'When are you actually moving?'
Thursday, March 29th. We'll load up the U-Haul with all the cds and Star Wars gear we've pilfered from our unsuspecting roommates, poke an air hole in whatever box the cat landed in, and drive off into the sun...north. There will be a brief return to Elk Grove on Saturday the 31st to get Josh's car and attend a gathering, but the Day Of Moving is Thursday, a week from today. (yikes)

->'Do you need help moving? Please say no.'
Technically we probably need help, but we're not organized enough to manage a team and we'd probably get more stressed out dealing with stuff AND people. Our ever-loving parents are helping and i think we're set. You're welcome.

->'You know it gets hot there, right? Like, REALLY hot??'
*sigh, roll eyes, walk away from you*

->'Is it true the house has a meth lab?'
No. That is a complete myth with no substantiation other than the marijuana grow room in the garage.

->'What's happening to your Elk Grove house?'
Our precious, stinky roommates are also moving out; Brandon is getting his own place in Sac and John is going to Costa Rica to drink coffee and write his manifesto.

->'Is Kahlua going to Costa Rica too??'
The Most Beautiful Dog On Earth is going to live with John's mom in Lake Almanor until John gets back and will come visit us in Redding whenever Bev goes on holiday.

->'Who gets the Nintendo Wii?'
Brandon is Wii-sitting while John galavants in the tropics. We'll buy our own; the people of Redding need it. (i hear Wiis make EXCELLENT housewarming gifts...)

->'When are you going to post pictures of your house?'
We have photos, but the previous residents had not moved out, and their...um, i guess you could call it 'aesthetic' (or standard of cleanliness) was not good, so we'll take pics of the empty house and post them as soon as possible.

->'When is the inevitably awesome housewarming party?'
Tenatively scheduled for the last weekend in April.

->'How did you get so pretty?'
God and Darwin made a bet. God won.

Update

David is doing much better. He's sitting up, talking, laughing, eating solid foods, and playing peek-a-boo. (Wait, are we still talking about a grown man?? Oh, scratch the peek-a-boo.) Apparently seizures sort of run in the family and he only had the one and none since. Still awaiting results from various tests, but everything's looking good.

Pray for David!

David is at Scripps Mercy Hospital in San Diego after his hosts, Eric and Tiana found him unconscious Monday morning. He'd had some seizures and had to be intubated (quick! reference all that jargon you learn from tv medical dramas!) and heavily sedated and strapped to his bed, but an EEG revealed that he wasn't having any more seizures. He's since been extubated and taken off sedation and will soon be moved out of ICU. He'll have an MRI and tests tomorrow to try and determine what the cause of all this was, but he's fine for now and is surrounded by family and friends. Being the vagabond artist he is, David doesn't have any health insurance and is of course listed in the hospital files as 'HOMELESS'.

oh by the way...

We bought a house.

What i Did On My Presidents' Day Vacation

Friday: Josh took the day off (a phenomenon that occurs once every 9.34 years, depending on the strength of the Yen) so we slept in and then met David at the Pleasanton b.a.r.t. station and went into The City. SanFran= BREADBOWLS + SHOPPING. i willy wike it. It was pretty quiet and everything closed early so we left. The guy at Baskin Robbins was cool though. Went home and played Wii whilst Kahlua showed off for David.

Saturday: More Wii, then a late lunch at Lodi Brewery with MaryBeth. Went wine tasting at Jewel and kind of offended some boozy middle aged ladies who were trying to get their flirt on with Sam The Tasting Room Guy. Then, of course, back home for more Wii. Josh made wings and they were good.

Sunday: Decided to piggyback on the youth group's trip to Sierra At Tahoe so we packed up our snow gear and sleeping bags. While they all left for a long slow caravan full of road sick 13 year olds, we went into Sacramento and showed David around the Capitol and ate our brains out at Michaelangelo's. We also played 'Guess What Your College Friends Will Name Their Future Children' which was pretty fun. (sorry, the results are sealed for our safety) Got to South Tahoe Community Church around 10 and slept poorly on floors and chairs after all the little hoodlums finally fell silent.

Monday: Got up at 6. 6!!!!!! on a day off!!! Good grief. A flat tire en route to the slopes delayed Josh and MaryBeth until around 1, so they didn't get very many runs in, but it was beautiful day. i played lodge-mom out on the deck, which sounds very hepful and sacrificial but it really just means that while everyone else is out on skiis/boards/tubes i go through their lunches and swap their Doritos for my Lays and eat their pudding. It also means i'm privy to conversations like the following one from some of the junior high students, who spoke in all seriousness:
"If Jesus were here, would he ski or snowboard?"
--"He'd probably ski because old people ski." (ouch)
"What about God the Father and the Holy Spirit?"
--"The Holy Spirit would totally tube!"
---"Yeah!"
----"He's a tuber."
"And God would snowboard."
--"Yeah, i could see God boarding."

Don't try to find the logic. Just appreciate that they weren't talking about their cell phones for once. On the way home we stopped for fries and David and Josh ignored me when i said those Animal Style fries would not be kind to them. i was right. We vegged and recovered and had a yummy steak dinner while we caught up with the Heroes and Kahlua demonstrated her utter inability to perform her 3 tricks out of their usual order.

So that was le weekend. We've now made our contributions to David's road trip, so we're set.

my turn

My old cronies from the PLNU philosophy/theology shoebox have tagged me in their game of 'Name The 3 Most Important Theology Books Of The Last 25 Years'. Silly boys! i have the bad habit of only reading theology when assigned by a grown-up to do so. My first love is literature, so Scott suggested i list the 'The 3 Most Important Theology NOVELS of The Last 25 Years'. A curious challenge indeed, Mr. S., and since i'm pretty sure all you eggheads are totally void of proper fiction, i'll accept in the hopes that you actually read a story now and then in between your Hauerwas and Cavanaugh binges. (for their picks: Charlie, Matt, Kaz)

This wasn't easy. The 25-year limit killed me, mostly because it eliminated the best of John Steinbeck. Other gems for consideration (One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Carrie, To Kill A Mockingbird, One Hundred Years of Solitude, Catcher in the Rye, The Illustrated Man, Slaughterhouse-Five) were also lost to the past. i honestly don't think that the 25-year rule should apply to novels, but rather than blorgue (yes! i made up an AWESOME word! it means to argue over blogs :P) i'll work despite it. Also, i didn't know whether i should judge the books on the theological impact they had on ME, or their general theological content. Furthermore, novels with great social commentary didn't always carry eqvuilelant theological theses. Tricky. Nevertheless, here you have it. The final three ended up being very, very different from each other in settings, characters, and purposes. i'm sure there are better options, but i'm exhausted. i would fully appreciate disagreement, suggestion, etc.

A Prayer for Owen Meany- John Irving, 1989 (you know i can't make a list without it)- Time magazine reviewed it with the following: "Framed by the myth of victim as redeemer, the book removes guesswork without reducing expectations. One knows going in that the mischievous author is staging a kind of 'Gospel According to Charlie Brown.' But anyone familiar with Irving's mastery of narrative technique, his dark humor and moral resolve also knows his fiction is cute like a fox... Through the miracle of literary hindsight, the mess of two decades is foreseen by a sawed-off Christly caricature, Owen Meany, a granite quarrier's son who speaks in capital letters and believes the sacrificial arc of his life has been plotted by God." Excerpt: I am doomed to remember a boy with a wrecked voice--not because of his voice, or because he was the smallest person I ever knew, or even because he was the instrument of my mother's death, but because he is the reason I believe in God; I am a Christian because of Owen Meany. I make no claims to have a life in Christ, or with Christ--and certainly not for Christ, which I've heard some zealots claim. I'm not very sophisticated in my knowledge of the Old Testament, and I've not read the New Testament since my Sunday School days, except for those passages I hear read aloud to me when I go to church. I'm somewhat more familiar with the passages from the Bible that appear in the Book of Common Prayer; I read my prayer book often, and my bible only on holy days--the prayer book is so much more orderly. Read it, theo-junkies, you'll laugh, cry, and wet yourself. i promise.

Beloved- Toni Morrison, 1987 - The ghost (known only as Beloved) of the baby whose mother cut its throat to save it from slavery returns as a woman to haunt her mother and family. One womanist theologian wrote: "This text grapples with problems of human fallibility. It is concerned with the tragic, active forgetting of community, history, and the power and cultural origin of myths. Beloved examines the ambiguous powers of memory and community, which can be both creative and destructive. Memory is vital for revisioning communal and social transformation that is healing. ... Morrison's work is not Christocentric, but presents a combination of Christian and pre-Christian worldviews. Beloved suggests that Jesus Christ is within the community of ancestors. ... Jesus perfectly embodies the power to save lives and hold together that which would otherwise fall apart. Christian womanists are called to proclaim a theology whose pragmatic consequences are the preservation of life, the healing of wounds, and the sustenance of community. Beloved reminds us of our own creative and destructive potentials." Excerpt: Everybody knew what she was called, but nobody anywhere knew her name. Disremembered and unaccounted for, she cannot be lost because no one is looking for her, and even if she were, how can they call her if they don't know her name? ... By and by all trace is gone, and what is forgotten is not only the footprints but the water too and what it is down there. The rest is weather. Not the breath of the disremembered and unaccounted for, but wind in the eaves.... Certainly no clamor for a kiss. Beloved. Read it. There's a reason Toni Morrison's a Nobel Prize winner.

Mystic River- Dennis Lehane, 2001- Said the New York Times in its review of Clint Eastwood's film version (which, in my opinion, was as true as humanly possible to Lehane's book) : "Dave's abduction is an act of inexplicable, almost metaphysical evil, and this story of guilt, grief and vengeance grows out of it like a mass of dark weeds. At its starkest, the story is a parable of incurable trauma, in which violence begets more violence and the primal violation of innocence can never be set right. ''Mystic River'' is the rare American story that aspires to -- and achieves -- the full weight and darkness of tragedy....When Sean realizes he must tell his old friend Jimmy that his beloved daughter is dead, he wonders what he should say: ''God said you owed another marker, and he came to collect.'' This grim theology is as close as anyone comes to faith, but Mr. Eastwood's understanding of the universe, and of human nature, is if anything even more pessimistic. The evil of murderers and child molesters represents a fundamental imbalance in the order of things that neither the forces of law and order nor the impulse toward vengeance can rectify. The problem -- the tragedy -- is that grief, loyalty and even love spring from the same source. When Jimmy learns that he has lost the child who saved his life by forcing him into responsibility, he rages like a rabid beast, and you know his fury will only lead to more hurt. ''We bury our sins, and wash them clean,'' he declares later as he prepares to enact his vengeance, but this is wishful thinking, mere sentiment, and you suspect that Jimmy knows it." Excerpt: When Sean Devine and Jimmy Marcus were kids, their fathers worked together at the Coleman Candy plant and carried the stench of warm chocolate back home with them. It became a permanent character of their clothes, the beds they slept in, the vinyl backs of their car seats. Sean's kitchen smelled like a Fudgsicle, his bathroom like a Coleman Chew-Chew bar. By the time they were elven Sean and jimmy had developed a hatred of sweets so total that they took their coffee black for the rest of their lives and never ate dessert. The only non-required reading i've ever read with a pen in my hand.

text messages out of context (or are they?), vol. 3

Ameno7

i love wine

Sweet! Loose morals!

Tallyho!

i have been sad ever since the Fergie dream.

Yeah, but i'm prudish enough to kinda like being prudish.

i'm watching 'The Last Kiss' with my grandparents and it's really uncomfortable.

Colbert on O'Reilly. Bound to be classic.

Jeff Purganan's ugly twin brother is playing Jason in basketball right now.

Ah you have to use the stinky piss one now!

Is it wrong that i really hate it when people say "it's a god thing"?

Ya, i just teared up a little watching a 'Beauty and the Geek' preview, so what?

Jason fell off a cliff and i had to go to Starbucks. Worst day ever.

Did i ever tell you about the time [pet's name] attacked [spouse's name] while we were [censored]?

one of those silly internet games...

...where you plug in different facts and it gives you the following:

Your movie star name is Raisen Floy
Your fly girl name is K Mar
Your detective name is Puppy Foothill
Your barfly name is PB Mojito
Your socialite name is Pally Sanfran
Your rock star name is Rolo Hummingbird
Your Star Wars name is Kalcos Marjos
Your punk rock band name is The Sticky Horseshoe

whitney's funny dream

"Last night i dreamed that you and Winter were best friends with Fergie and her new backup dancers, and when i came to see you guys you told me that learning the choreography to 'London Bridge' was the most important thing EVER and that you couldn't be my friend anymore--which you told me while dancing the"choreography" which included moves that went something like: chicken wings 3 times, stomp to the left, twist twist, stomp to the right, twist twist, fist in the air, head down, pump fist, pump fist, flying karate kick and SCREAM!!!!! I know because the ENTIRE TIME you guys talked to me you were doing it, with Fergie yelling like a crazed drill seargent in the background. She was really mean, i don't know why you guys were friends with her. Anyway, i was really sad you picked Fergie to be your friend instead of me and i started crying and then i woke up right as Fergie was calling me a 'wussy cry baby ass monkey'. Weirdly enough the entire dream took place on the set of The Office, which is funny because I don't watch The Office. And America Ferrera gave me her hankie when i started crying--what she was doing there, i don't know. "

movie review

CHILDREN OF MEN
Clive Owen, Michael Caine, Julianne Moore, Claire-Hope Ashitey
Directed by Alfonso Cuarón

i'll just quote the imdb.com summary: "In 2027, in a chaotic world in which humans can no longer procreate, a former activist agrees to help transport a miraculously pregnant woman to a sanctuary at sea, where her child's birth may help scientists save the future of humankind."
This film opens with Theo (Owens) and in the background the death of 'Baby Diego', the youngest person in the world/the last baby born 18+ years ago, is announced. Everyone but Theo is stunned and overwhelmed with grief. We learn through voiceover that Theo doesn't feel much of anything anymore. "I can't really remember when I last had any hope, and I certainly can't remember when anyone else did either. Because really, since women stopped being able to have babies, what's left to hope for?" Theo goes to visit his friend Jaspar (Caine) and there's a little more exposition about what's going on in the world. It's not clear why no one is fertile anymore, but the world is a mess of war and all nations but England have essentially dissolved into chaos. In response, England has turned Orwellian in its governing and has outlawed any and all immigration. Jaspar used to be a political cartoonist and his wife was a photojournalist, but after she was tortured they went into hiding out in the woods. Jaspar smokes alot of pot and listens to the Beatles. Michael Caine is always great, especially when he's given more flavorful characters than 'Elderly Man to serve as sage/touchstone to more younger, manic characters". (i know you hear me too, Morgan Freeman!)
Anyway, Theo gets approached by Julian (Moore), his ex and a political fugitive, and her band of activists because they need his help procuring transit papers for a girl who is not a citizen. Theo can only get papers for her if he goes with, so he does and meets Kee (Ashitey). Things get crazy and Theo very soon finds out that Kee isn't just any girl, she's 8 months pregnant. No one has been pregnant for almost 20 years. The activists are trying to get Kee to the coast where she'll meet a hospital boat disguised as a fishing boat, run by the mysterious Human Project. Theo has to protect Kee from all angles: any system or group who finds out about her would want to lock her up, use her for political leverage, study her, etc. Plus there's violence and insanity all around them. Jaspar hooks them up with refuge and convoy, but the rest is up to them.
i hope that's enough info, i didn't want to give too much away. This is a good movie, and a very rewarding one if you're one of those people who catches seemingly insignificant details in the background. There is very little exposition about the state of the world, but if you pay attention to the billboards, news, and characters in the background as Theo moves about London you'll notice how thorough the film actually is. It begins with a universal emotion: the death of a celebrity, and there are scenes that are very reminiscient of Princess Di's death and the like. Theo appears to be the only one unaffected. Clive Owen is always a tad wooden, so i guess he was a good choice to play a numb character. The movie then shifts to the single experience: Theo and a handful of others are the only ones who know about Kee, who herself is alone in her experience. The end of the movie shifts back to the universal in one of the most effecting scenes i've seen in a long time. i can't explain it because it's a spoiler, but it's amazing.
Alfonso Cuarón adapted this movie from the book by PD James (which i will be reading asap) and did an amazing job of setting the film and paying attention to what the details of a childless world would be. For example, the frequency of animals. There are always dogs, cats, etc around, forcing humanity to recognize that it will die and the beasts will go on reproducing. Also the women in Theo's office weep over the death of Baby Diego and Cuarón shows you gently that they're not crying for only one baby, but for those they cannot have. The film is also beautiful, which is kind of strange since the cities are in ruins and everyone is being shot and all. Caine is memorable, Moore is actually believable as a political outlaw and leader of a violent revolution, Owens, like i said, tends to be wooden, but the moments of pure emotion for Theo, and there are just enough, were well-played. i like that in the course of the film he didn't go from numb opportunist to blubbering moral hero. It was very natural. Claire-Hope Ashitey is very good as Kee and i also appreciated the restraint she and the writers exercised. There were no 'woe is i!' fits, but she wasn't unidentifiable either. The predominant theme is very natural in the sense that 'we do what we must to carry on', which of course stands out in the midst of a world that has turned very unnatural in its failure to reproduce and its bent toward destruction in every sense. (Oh yeah, when Theo goes to visit his government-official cousin in what Julian calls 'the art ark' we learn that they've even stripped art away from the masses. Picasso's Guernica makes an appearance, as does Michaelangelo's David.) Anyway, i loved it and so did those i went with. Aside from a little awkward dialogue here and there, it's a great movie with alot of important things to say. 4 out of 5 helpful gyspsies.

Don't drink the water!

JOSSELYN AND DEVEN ARE PREGNANT TOO! They're also having their little goober in July. "A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on." -Carl Sandburg

Catching Up

The weekend of December 9th we went to The City with Jesse and Lyn to shop and Photoshop and got to meet up with Jamileh, Matt and Erin so there was a small FHS class of 99 reunion. We left Josh's truck overnight at the BART station in the hopes that it'd get stolen and we could get a new car, but unfortunately it was all present and accounted for when we returned. Next time we'll leave it at the Richmond station instead :P
The next weekend we drove to San Diego with Travis, Amber and Atticus to help BonBon pack up her too-few boxes (in this clotheshorse's opinion) and hang out in America's Finest City for a bit. We deserve medals because we managed to sit in traffic in 3 out of the 4 CA cities that even have noteworthy traffic. Jesse and Lyn flew in (they follow us around because we're THAT fun) and did a little filming for Bonnie and Andy's wedding video. It was cold. i stood on a cliff holding a big shiny disc in the wind. After all that we got to show Les Rostens Our City and they had the appropriate response: rapture. San Diego rocks. We miss it alot. It was strange though, to be there and not have a bucketful of people to see. They've all moved away to better housing markets. But Ashley and Josh took me out and Whit and TanTan joined us for tacos so it was still a very productive visit.
As soon as we got back it was time for the final Christmas push. Josh and i were up late every night painting masterpieces to give as gifts and we had a good time. We make a very good team, artistically, with his technical know-how, creative ability, artist's eye and my capacity for eating paint and getting it everywhere BUT the canvas. Cosmo helped too, by batting at the paintbrushes while we were using them and rolling around on the expensive paper. i'm glad he's smart enough to not try to drink the turpentine.
Then it was time for Josh's mom's birthday. We all gathered at Chili's, where we learned that little children should not eat candy canes, chips and salsa, pizza, fries and milkshakes in quick succession. Josh and i also realized that out of our group of married friends, we hit the jackpot in in-laws. (we'd known this before, but we got the thinking about it again)
The next day we had early Christmas with the Extended Bakerses in Loomis and got into some cutthroat Uno. We met Mrs. Roy, who is a male puppy, and watched the gloves come off when the gift exchange began. Battle French Press will not soon be forgotten. Everyone scored new socks and had a good time.
Christmas Eve was spent at Robyn and Gary's with gift exchanging and other deliciousness. i got a cool book on Steinbeck and California, Josh got a bunch of women's underwear that he'll have to return in order to get the Target credit, courtesy of Adam. That evening we vegged watched the Vatican's midnight mass with Brandon.
Christmas Day meant helping Laverne make dumplings, gorging ourselves with those tiny chocolate liquer bottles and duking it out in the annual Walth gift card exchange. Evidently no one in Josh's family likes bookstores or movies, so we left with the same gift cards we brought. Score! Then we drove to Redding and had gift time with my parents and siblings while Cosmo drank the tree water and ate houseplants. More fun presents including a fondu set and some new clothes.
THEN we looked at real estate until our eyeballs fell out and picked out a few good future residences. Now it's up to the loan folks to decide how many millions of dollars to give us.
We left Redding, spent one night back at home, waved to the roommates, and got in the car again to drive to Redlands and keep Winter and Jason awake when they got back from Costa Rica. No jet lag allowed! Future Supreme Court Superstare Aaron Friberg joined us and we had a superfun New Year's Eve with cards, shots, and cats. The next day Matt, Bren and Lizzie "Miss New York"Alexander arrived along with Laurie and we got a very brief but very worth-it reunion squeezed in before we had to get back on the road and come home.
Tons of driving, mucho quality time, oodles of hugs and yummies. A good holiday season. Pics to come when we unpack.

Betting has closed.

The next baby out of our group of college cronies will be born to Rachel and Jason Jenkins!!! Little R2/J2 is due July 4th and will most certainly have gorgeous blue eyes and a predilection for bunnies. CONGRATS TO RACH AND JASON! A reunion in the northwest is definitely in order.

i believe the word you're looking for is 'it's-a-Christmas-miracle'

Having awkwardly hauled cupcakes to a potluck just last night, i am thunderstruck by this.
Folks, meet the Cupcake Courier.
"The Cupcake Courier is a rectangular, translucent plastic container that holds three stackable cupcake trays. Each tray has 12 deep cups to hold each cupcake secure. It has a comfortable handle, and 4 bottom latches that hold the base securely.
The Cupcake Courier is able to transport and/or store up to thirty-six cupcakes or muffins all in one easy, great looking container!
The Cupcake Courier's 3 trays can be removed, and the unit can double as a cake courier."

Puttin' on the Ritz!

Emmy-winning actor Peter Boyle, who played the dancing monster in the movie "Young Frankenstein" and grouchy father Frank Barone in the TV series "Everybody Loves Raymond," has died, his publicist said on Wednesday.
The 71-year-old former Christian Brothers monk died on Tuesday after a long battle with multiple myeloma and heart disease, his publicists said.
Boyle, who often played cantankerous characters, shot to fame as a foul-mouthed, working-class bigot in the 1970 film "Joe."
He also played one of Robert DeNiro's fellow taxi drivers in Martin Scorsese's "Taxi Driver" in 1976, the cruel, racist father to Billy Bob Thornton in 2001's "Monster's Ball," and took a comic turn as the Frankenstein monster in the 1974 Mel Brooks spoof "Young Frankenstein."
In recent years he played numerous roles on television, including the father to Ray Romano's character. He acted in 201 episodes of the situation comedy from 1996 to 2005 and received numerous Emmy nominations.
He won an Emmy for outstanding guest actor appearance on "The X-Files" in 1996.
Beatle John Lennon was the best man at Boyle's 1977 wedding to journalist Loraine Alterman, then a Rolling Stone reporter.
He is survived by his wife and two daughters, Amy and Lucy Boyle.
Despite playing some unsavory characters, he refused roles that glamorized violence, including the lead role of Popeye Doyle that went to Gene Hackman in 1971's "The French Connection," according to the IMDb entertainment Web site.
Boyle suffered a stroke in 1990 and recovered, then had a heart attack on the set of "Everybody Loves Raymond" in March 1999. He returned to the show soon after heart surgery.
(obit courtesy of Reuters/TVguide.com)

How 'bout we all watch Young Frankenstein tonight? Peace out, Peter. Thank you for making us laugh.

movie review

APOCALYPTO
Starring: Rudy Youngblood, Dalia Hernandez, and the last of the Mexican rainforests

(i'm still processing, so bear with me. )

i read that Mel Gibson's inspiration for this movie came in part out of his desire to do a really great chase scene: not with shiny cars or planes and trains, but an intense, edge-of-your-seat, primal chase. Essentially that's what the second half of this movie is.
Plot overview: Jaguar Paw's Mayan village is ravaged and everyone is taken as captives to be used as human sacrifices for another Mayan group. Jaguar Paw is able to hide his very pregnant wife, Seven, and their little boy, Turtles Run, in a chasm before he's captured. The rest of the film is him trying to escape his captors, avoid getting his heart carved out of his chest, and get back to his family.
The story is simple, but of course tells the larger tale of the decimation of the entire Mayan civilization. It also has much to say about living in a culture of fear and violence.
Speaking of violence..........it was graphic. Well, it was a Mel Gibson film. Think of how many times you peeped through your fingers during Braveheart while someone's skull was getting smashed, or in The Passion of the Christ when the soldiers were whipping Jesus. It's kinda like that. i only covered my eyes three times, but maybe i'm desensitized. For those who want to see the movie, but are a bit squeamish, i'll give you three warnings: Beware the valley after the corn. Beware the jaguar. Beware the waterfall.
Now to the main reason i wanted to see this movie: CULTURE. i feel incredibly lame saying this, because i know zilch about the Mayans, but it was so REAL. The 'set' (if you can reduce the rainforest to being a 'set'), the costuming, the scope of it was unfathomable. i couldn't help thinking of old westerns when they'd through a few feathers in a brunette's hair, put some brown slippers and a fringed skirt on her and call her Indian. In Apocalypto, you couldn't tell if the crazy tattooing or bone piercings were costume or not. i love wondering how many of the actors and extras were in their own skin, so to speak.
This movie exists in the strange dichotomy of being a gorgeous representation of stark, mind-boggling destruction. Everything and everyone is utterly believable. Maybe that's because i don't know any better, but i don't care.
Rudy Youngblood is amazing as Jaguar Paw. Whole stretches of story pass without dialogue (oh yeah, it's in MAYAN. You know how Mel loves those dead languages!) and he has to play punch drunk, deadly-calm, pure adrenaline, and primal fear kind of all at once for 3 hours. Dalia Hernandez (Seven) also deftly juggles mortal fear and bad-ass determination. Turtles Run: cutest little boy EVER, but i digress. Look up any of the actors in this film and you'll see only this film on their resume'. They're communicating the unreachable nightmare of a mysterious civilization in a dead language. Impressive.
If you don't let the violence get in the way of appreciating the undertaking, you'll enjoy this movie. i did, and it seemed like the rest of the packed theater for a late Sunday showing did. 5 out of 5 helpful poison frogs.

general update

Umm, where to start... Our Thanksgiving was busy: Hang out with Winter and Jason on Tuesday and Wednesday, drive to Redding, have a gourmet cheese-laden Thanksgiving followed rapidly by Bonnie's birthday and some impressive gingerbreading (we won), drive back to meet up with J and Winter again and go straight to Stockton to see the Thunder take on the Alaska Aces (overtime, then a shootout! we got out-aced though), Saturday was the requisite wine tasting and lunch at Lodi brewery followed by some desperate Wii-playing once John got home from SD with the Nintendo, then Sunday was Thanksgiving with the Markles, including more Wii and good times. That Monday, Kallie T. and i learned how to use BART and went into the city to do a little shopping and get our hair did by Cousin Margaret and now we're catching our breath. Josh is going to Chicago tomorrow (without ME!) for what i'm sure is some serious Christmas shopping for yours truly under the guise of 'doing business' and i'm getting the house decorated and wrapping the last few gifts. (Yes, our Christmas shopping is FINISHED. Yay US!) We're going to the city again this weekend to see Korina and so Josh can go to a Photoshop conference, then next weekend down to San Diego to visit friends and get Bonnie out of her dorm...after that....Christmas! Whoa. i'm gonna have to turn on my holiday tunes before it's all over. i guess that's it for now...

Can't talk, Eukanuba's on.

The AKC Eukanuba National Championship is on, and it makes me wonder if my life went in the wrong direction... but i guess it's not too late to have that puppy farm.

Time for another exciting round...

...of 'TEXT MESSAGES SAVED IN MY PHONE THAT ARE EITHER FUNNY IN AND OF THEMSELVES, OR FUNNY WHEN YOU READ THEM OUT OF CONTEXT, OR FUNNY WHEN YOU READ TWO UNRELATED ONES TOGETHER, OR JUST FUN.'

Like a midget peeing in a urnal, i was gonna have to keep on my toes.

I couldn't make that up if g tried?

BEST. BOND. EVER

Oh what's that, you love me McDreamy? Oh yeah i know you do

i'll call u when i get 2 your place of work. do u actually work?
(you can guess what i answered)
Me neither. (this is from a CDF firefighter, so don't leave candles unattended)

Because i think we should cook food and eat it all.

How do you feel about animal prints in general?

Itunes beyotch! take THAT!

White.y?

Would you be up for coffee with Danielle and then dogs? (coffee with dogs? could be fun)

i don't like my friends here anymore.

Try to my face and watch what happens!

where is your velvet elvis?

On my 32nd attempt at baking cookies, the technique continues to escape me.

Trees can do that?

Want to meet for lunch and then invite us over to play Mario Party?

Not yet. It sucked my butt!

AWE! SOME!!

It still amazes me how much better the ice blendeds from CBandTL are than anywhere else.

Winter is WRONG! we snuck a bottle of champagne in and it was still booooring!

The relief will come with my next poop.

My dad made a 4x7 foot cardboard motorcycle pinata for Andy's bday!

Kahlua just licked Cosmo all over the head. Baptized him!

Also, i'm glad that i will never have to do the long distance phone/text sex thing!

I'm hella allergic yo.

Go buckhalter! He got the start. (it should be pointed out that i don't have a Fant. Football team, nor do i know who Buckhalter is)

The only currency you have in this bankrupt world is the stuff you share with people when you're uncool.

Seriously.

everyone needs a cause

Our friend Craig Slike is a big fan of breasts........specifically, breast cancer research. Every year he participates in San Diego's 3-day Marathon to raise money, and he throws fundraising parties and concerts called BreastFest. This year he and two friends formed a team for the marathon and called themselves 'Walking for Second Base'. You can view pictures of the adventure here and see what other crazy costumes/names/ideas people came up with.

true story

This morning i mowed the lawn around a 6 foot inflatable pilgrim turkey, then i fed the clippings to the goats that live with the peacock.

Halloween Poem

Halloween:
when children can wear their hero's shoes
and their fantasy’s crown,
be bigger than a nightmare
and turn a monster into nothing but a mask.

The curtain call for every PlayDate
and dress-up rehearsal,
all the world a fabulously-dressed guest,
a sparkling and ghoulish theatergoer.
Each takes her turn,
then his,
emerging from offstage as
Mistress Goddess Queen of Glamour Herself
and King Dragon Slayer Captain Triumph.

At the last call, to the applause of onethousand
bronze-armed trees and the grinning glee of
each glowing gourd face,
they rise
red and blue capes,
broomsticks and
rocketshoes,
fairy wings and wands swirling breathlessly
into the red carpet sky,
snapped clean by the admiring wind.

They shine,
and light up the night of the last great show of the season.

Yes, we know. We're clever.

We went to a Halloween Party last night, the kind where you're required to wear a costume. We weren't really stoked on the costume thing, but after talking with Winter about their dress-up genius, we got in the spirit and were able to pull off some crowd favorites with just a little bit of wit and stitching. What follows are instructions on how to put together two great costumes out of stuff you probably already have and that allow you to not look or feel like an idiot.

THE MENTAL PATIENT
Start with white linen pants, or blue/grey/tan. Doesn't have to be linen, but avoid flannels and sweats, otherwise you just look sleepy. No denim, and preferably no pockets. Next: a long sleeve shirt in any of the aforementioned colors, worn inside out. On the back, write or pin/sew a square that says some variation of: "Sac County Mental Corrections, Patient 34052." On the front, do the same with just your patient id #. This also helps defend you against that awful "What are you supposed to be?" question. With arms in the sleeves, cross them in the front and tie/sew/pin them as far back as is comfortable. This acheives the 'straight jacket' look. Extra points if you can include buckles or leather belts. Complete the attire with mismatched footwear. I chose one slipper and one flip-flop, with a hole-y blue and orange sock on under the flipflop. (Remember- mental patients don't get shoes with laces!) Top it off with the appropriate hair and make-up: Hair should be bedheaded and disheveled, the messier the better, maybe even a bit dirty. This is easiest to accomplish with short hair, and even better if you can acheive the 'choppy, super-short bangs' a la Angelina and Penelope in Girl, Interrupted and Gothika, respectively. (note: your arms are restrained, so avoid having too much hair in your face) Finally: break with continuity and, if you're female, apply make-up. Extensive and haphazard application is best. Black or dark eyeliner all around the top and bottom of the eye (smeared strategically to make sure you don't look like you've been punched twice) gives off that mad-woman, Mommie-Dearest, Hell-hath-no-fury vibe. Effective: sad and crazy. Upon arriving at the party and 'playing your part', the eye makeup really comes into its own when you make your 'I once ate 3 forks because the couch told me to' crazy face. To counterbalance the disturbing eyes, find the reddest lipstick you can and apply it to most of your lips and a little bit of your face-around-the-lips. This says, "i'm unstable enough to have to wear this straight jacket when i go on field trips, but i have just enough semblance of sanity to know that a proper lady never leaves the house without her lippy!" It makes for a more rounded and sympathetic character. If you have a partner, they can wear all white, carry a bunch of keys and a bottle of pills/syringe, and be your 'handler'.

THE NOT-LYING / NOT-KLEPTO
Dress in your usual attire. Opt for cargo pants and, if possible, a logo-free shirt or sweater with a pocket. Attach/iron on/sharpie the following on the front: I AM NOT A KLEPTOMANIAC, and on the back: OR A PATHOLOGICAL LIAR. Carry a nondescript bag, like a pillowcase in the same color as your pants or shirt. Upon arriving at the party, your bag should already contain some random items, ie: a remote control, a dvd, a shoe obviously belonging to a person of the opposite sex, a condiment, and some item of personal value to someone other than yourself, like a framed photo or wallet. This costume is more about performance than look. When you arrive at the party, and people ask you what you're supposed to be, say "Just me tonight. ...unlike that one time i was running secret government ops in Turkmenistan and i had wear a glass eye and forge the identity of a shemale taxi-driver. That was an experience, man." Then take the food/beverage/cell phone/etc out of your friend's hand and walk away, putting said item in your bag. Forethought is very effective; if the hostess is preparing to serve snacks, steal something essential, like the stack of paper plates. If you know people will be making use of the billiard table, steal the white ball. Sneak off to the front entrance and snag keys, shoes, umbrellas, etc. If other costumes involve props like swords, wands, and pom-poms, look for opportunities when the wearer sets their accessory down to pour a drink. The host or hostess is the best target. They are mostly likely distracted by activity and are the central party-figure, so stealing their stuff is the best way to get people to enjoy your costume. Which brings us to the accusations: someone will no doubt take notice of your theft and call you out. This is when indignance comes into play. "I'm just here enjoying the festivities! Why are you being like this? I didn't behave this way when my Porsche and my prize shi-tzu Tammy were stolen on that trip to Reno, did I?" Involving your 'pathological liar' identity helps deflect from the theft. When people insist on looking in your mysterious bag, take umbrage. "I'm not going through your pockets! I could, since I'm an Honorary Federal Deputy because of my work in the JonBenet Ramsey case, but I'm not." Then walk away. Removing yourself from the situation frees you from committing any of your lies to stories. Short lies are good too. When a fellow partier compliments the food, say "Yeah, rice krispy treats. My three adopted Namibian kids love em with M & Ms. Hey, how are you liking that new stereo system you installed?" Changing the subject disallows them from responding to your lie. Extra bonus points if you can get the host's docile pet to stay in your bag until a partygoer notices. Some items won't fit in your bag: an umbrella, a wok, a candelabara. Like the pet, these stolen items are meant to be noticed and removed, but be sure to blame someone else for their 'mysterious' presence in your possession. Finally, don't forget to return stolen items as people leave or at the end of the night. It won't be fun for them if they end up locked out of their house because your klepto-d their keys and forgot to give them back, or if you stole part of a rented costume.

Hopefully it's not too late in Halloween-season for you to use these tips. Have fun with them! Your friends will too!

reminder...

October 31st is a great evening to do your Christmas shopping (don't hate me for bringing It up) because you probably just got paid, the malls stay open their regular hours, and there are no crowds... except for the weirdos who take their kids trick-or-treating at the mall, which = depressing. You'll be glad you did it so early. ...unless all the people you got gifts for decide to wait til December 19th to tell you they all talked and decided not to exchange gifts this year!! If you have relatives/friends/in-laws who are capable of pulling this dastardly trick, remember to keep your receipts. Then sneak expired eggnog into their mugs when they're not looking.

movie review

The Prestige
Christian Bale, Hugh Jackman, Michael Caine ....and a guy they call DAVID BOWIE

Ok. This movie is about two magicians, Rupert Angier (Jackman) and Alfred Borden (Bale) who begin as friends and quickly become rivals. Their rivalry is not the fun kind- it's bitter and violent. Each man tries to trip up, one up, and mess up the other as they struggle to become the premiere magician in turn-of-the-century London. Trapped in the battle are Cutter (Michael Caine, complete with his cockney accent) as Angier's partner and engineer, Olivia (Scarlett Johansson) as the beautiful-assistant-turned-bait, and Borden's wife and daughter. When Borden appears to master 'The Vanishing Man' and Angier can't figure out how he does it, Angier goes to America to track down the infamous Nikola Tesla (David Bowie) and get some answers.
It is twists and turns, obsessions, deceit and it gets violent. In retrospect, there were only a few incidents of violence, but the intimacy of them leaves a significant mark on the movie so that it feels much more violent than it actually was. i couldn't decide whether i was on Angier's team or Borden's. Borden is the bad guy, but Angier's obsession is so intense that it's like watching your friend battle an unhealthy addiction. For this reason, the movie seems repetitive, but only until the next twist. Just when you think you can expect a certain outcome, it switches, then switches back, then flips inside out. It's all so spinny and interwoven that the four of us who went all had different understandings of the what and why and who. i should've known it would be so dark and twisty: it was written and directed by Christopher Nolan, who did Memento, Insomnia and Batman Begins. Ultimately its about not accepting the world as it is, and trying to make something more out of it....whether you're genuinely making magic, or just employing a little slight of hand to make people 'ooh' and 'ahh' and escape for an hour or so. It's lavish, intense and addictive. And easy on the eyes :P
Highly recommended- 4 out of 5 smashed canaries

Sooo...does this mean i don't exist?

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 0 people with my name in the U.S.A. There are 1,500 people in the U.S. with the first name Kallie. Statistically the 4019th most popular first name. (tied with 1145 other first names) There are 5,759 people in the U.S. with the last name Markle. Statistically the 6100th most popular last name. (tied with 36 other last names) How many have your name?

gourd-tastic

At Ye Olde Annual Pumpkin Demolishing In The Name Of Art & Agritainment, i won the 'over achiever award' for sculpting TRES veggies.

Here are the rest of the many-improvised-award-winning entries. They include 'Is That A Penguin?', 'Conjoined Twins', 'I Like Trees, OK?', 'Artsy Square Things', 'Ode To Tim Burton' and 'I Didn't Know Pumpkins Had Nostrils':
Then SOMEONE decided to be a diva and stick a road flare in his pumpkin. i won't say who, but his name doesn't rhyme with anything because it's Travis. Anyway, here are los pumpkinos in the light.


After the Fest, i went with Bondy (Bonnie & Andy) and Tyler & Heather (Tyther?) to the Hawes Ranch Corn Maze. TEN ACRES of 12ft tall corn with THREE MILES of trail in the shape of Johnny Cash (cuz that's how we roll in the Rdg) and we went at 11:30 at night with no map or flashlight. There were guys who would jump out of the corn with chainsaws...which was a tiny bit scary, if you like massive understatements. Just when we thought we were close to the end, we came across stairs and a bridge-lookout-thingy that allowed us to mount and observe that, oh no, we were nowhere near the beginning, we were in the dead center of Johnny. (in retrospect, i should've known they wouldn't put the lookout-thingy near the finish line) Oy. So, once more into the darkness and a few wrong turns later, we made it out (physically) unharmed.

and the list goes on

Kahlua ate my seam ripper. For the unaware, this is what a seam ripper looks/tastes like:

soundtrack of my life

(eat your heart out Cameron Crowe!)

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
Here's how it works:
- Open your music library
- Put it on shuffle
- For every question, type the song that's playing, no cheating!
- When you go to a new question, press the next button

Opening Credits: Amazing-Josh Kelley

Waking Up: Creep-the Bob Dylan cover

First Day At School: Yesterday-John Lennon

Falling In Love: Free Falling -Tom Petty (whoa... creepy)

Fight Song: My Tourniquet-Evanescence

Breaking Up: Let You Down-Dave Matthews Band (ha!)

Life's OK: You Are My Sunshine-Ray Charles

Mental Breakdown: Angel -Sarah McLachlan

Driving: Breakfast At Tiffany's-Deep Blue Something

Flashback: I'll Be Here Awhile-311

Getting Back Together: Blue Eyes Crying In the Rain-Willie Nelson

Wedding: This Is How It Goes - Aimee Mann

Birth of Child: The Closest Thing to Crazy-Katie Melua

Death Scene: Sitting on the Dock of the Bay-Otis Redding

Funeral Song: April in Paris-Ella Fitzgerald

End Credits: There Goes My Hero-Foo Fighters

Movie Review

THE LAST KISS
<-starring all those people
Don't go see this movie. i don't care how much you love Garden State, The O.C. or whatever season of The Real World Jacinda Barrett made it out of. Just don't. Unless, of course, you LIKE spending $10 and 2 hours watching people be awful to each other, then i highly recommend it.
Okay, so it's well acted and well shot and i'm not naive enough to think that you need to love all the characters in every movie everywhere, but come on! Braff's character, Michael, tells his pregnant girlfriend of 3 years, Jenna (played by Barret), who is perfect by his own and his buddies' admissions, that he's madly in love with her and really excited about the unplanned pregnancy, then turns around and immediately and intentionally gets involved with another girl, Bilson's Kim. WHO, by the way, comes on to Michael at a wedding, finds out he has a girlfriend, and still pursues him. This all happens in the first 20 minutes, so there was no chance you were ever going to like Kim. Conniving slut. And later when Michael tells her 'Sorry, shouldn't have involved you in this', she tries to play like she's the victim?! Oh noooo honey, you did not just do that. Somehow, we're supposed to sympathize with Michael because he's turning 30 and 'there are no surprises left' and blah blah disenchanted peter pan blah blah blah. Nope. The guy's a jerk. i'd use other adjectives, but i think my grandma might read this. The likeability the writers create for him is solely based on his love for Jenna, and he annihilates that the first chance he gets.
There are other story lines involving his turning-30-not-ready-to-grow-up-buddies and even Jenna's disenchanted parents (played outstandingly by Wilkinson and the always balls-out Danner), but instead of deflecting your hatred of Michael onto them, they instead serve as further proof that, basically, people suck and treat others horribly. Good times. At least the acting was good. Jacinda Barret is an aussie and her really angry scenes had a bit of her accent in them, which was kinda fun. Bilson does her OC 'sprightly brunette' schtick, only with added sexy (ps, even if you ignore my advice to NOT see this movie and decide you WILL, don't see it with your parents), and it works for this role, but i'm not sure how far it'll take her otherwise. Casey Affleck is really good too. i wish he did more mainstream stuff because i never manage to see the artsy flicks he's in. Josh was ready to leave halfway through the movie, and frankly i was too, but i wanted to stay for Bythe Danner and Tom Wilkinson and they didn't let me down.
i know that the movie isn't claiming to be a great romance and is instead standing on the platform of 'this is reality! people do this stuff! life stinks sometimes! angst is as angst does!' ....but isn't the point of going to the movies to ESCAPE reality? Isn't the point of love and commitment saying 'i'm not going to do this stuff to you, and i'll make your life stink a little less'? Thanks for destroying both in one fell swoop guys.
i don't recommend it, unless you're a guy having an early mid-life crisis and need to feel validated. Even then....maybe not. 2 out of 5 pairs of chinos.

Don't cry for me, Elk Grove

This website takes your pics and finds your 'heritage'. i think they define heritage VERY loosely. Here are Josh, Purg and Travis. Other victims of my boredom included Katie Trihub, who's lookalike was Millard Fillmore (the 13th president), Jason Niemeyer: Scarlett Johansson, and Whitney: Penelope Cruz. Since you asked, a single pic of me got paired with everyone from Shirley Temple to Lauryn Hill to Michael Jackson.

a dog's life

Alot of people ask how Cosmo is getting along with our housemates' dog, Kahlua. Like any relationship, it takes time. They're fascinated with each other, and Kahlua just wants to give Cosmo a big kiss, but Cosmo still can't get over his fear. He stealthily follows Kahlua around the house, always via tabletop, couch, counter, bed or bookshelf...eye level or above ONLY. Occasionally Kahlua gets frustrated that nothing's happening (she's kind of an attention ho) and starts barking at a cruelly ambivelant Cosmo, but eventually he'll come down from his perch and the frantic staring contest will resume. You can click on the photo to see more of their around-the-house adventures.

...like a nose hair after a sneeze

(Stealing this from Matt, it's just too good.)

Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners....

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse withoutone of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldnt.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when youre on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced acrossthe grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one havingleft Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topekaat 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fencesthat resembled Nancy Kerrigans teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds whohad also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she wasthe East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

More Chalking

Al Franken wants to show you photos of the other Chalk It Up contributions.

Labor Day Weekend

We spent 2 days in Fremont Park this weekend, helping my aunt Cindy out with her double-square for the annual Chalk It Up benefit. Chalk It Up is a non-profit organization dedicated to funding children's art education in the Sacramento region. People can 'rent' portions of the sidewalk and decorate them with chalk. Vendors and musicians come, kids get small squares for free, lots of dogs... you name it. Since Cindy was asked to do a double square, she needed our help! Our portion was sponsored by University Art and was in a nice shady spot under a tree by the Children's Tent.
i can't remember how big our actual chunk of sidewalk was, but you can tell from this pic that it was big. (the sign in the top left is an 8.5 x 11 piece of paper) Of course, the photo doesn't do any justice to the pop of the color or to the nuances of our mad chalking techniques, so just trust me when i say it was genius. Our fingers are still pretty sore from using the small sticks of soft pastels and hand-blending the colors, and our legs and backs also took some for the team, but, it's all for the children. Josh was in charge of working a shout-out to our sponsor into the design, Cindy did all the crazy detail work, and i sat around eating chalk. Seriously folks, i'm not a natural with soft pastels, at least, not on sidewalk. i would color a portion, then Josh and Cindy would have to come through and edit it. It was fun though, anytime i can be covered head to toe in a mess of color is a good time. Makes me feel like an undiscovered prodigy to have art under my fingernails.