Love Letter to Portland

Dear Portland,

i miss you. i ACHE for you... although the aching might be the result of improper Wii playing at Katie and Bobby's followed by hazardous bowling with a too-heavy ball. (Portland, why don't your bowling alleys want women and children and muscle-challenged men to have a good time? i thought you were a more accepting place, but i'll not fault you. i'll just kindly suggest you find new managers for your alleys. The current ones don't deserve you. i deserve you.) i loved all your roses in the rose garden and planted along the freeway. i think more cities should have roses on the freeways and then more people would move to them and the country would become empty and free again, and maybe the buffalo would repopulate, but i digress. i'm glad you had so many roses in your rose garden because last time i was there you didn't and that was awkward, so i see that you're committed to our relationship and i recognize your efforts. You know what else i appreciate about you, Portland? Your city streets were very clean. i don't want to use this blog to speak negatively about my past relationships, but i'll just say that Rome and New York City had a different techniques and yours is better suited to my tastes. We did so much together this past weekend! It was a whirlwind courtship. You repeatedly fed me exciting and delicious foods, quenched my thirst with fine beverages including the best mocha i've ever had in my life, and delighted me with cool breezes, misty rains and dappled sunlight. Everywhere i looked there were bicycles and dogs and lesbians and people dressed curiously or snazzily. And wowie, do you ever know how to put on a fireworks display! Well, i didn't see your official one on the water, but the Sherwood suburbs had some impressive suff! i also love that you never once charged me sales tax and that friendly people pumped my gas for me. Portland, thank you for giving Erin a spiffy craftsman-style house to live in with a nice art teacher and his dog. She really needed a proper home and you went above and beyond the call of duty. i love that you love my friends because that's important in a relationship. What else? oh my goodness, the Beavers. How adorable were they? You made up for your lack of professional sports teams with your funny li'l minor league baseball team. And it was Bark in the Park day!! More baseball-loving dogs than i ever knew existed. You truly are a dog-friendly city and i so get that. We really are in sync, Portland. i could count the ways i love thee until the internet breaks down, so i'll just close with this: wait for me, Portland. Do not give your heart to another. i'll come for you someday. Wait for me.

Yours truly ...and a little madly,

Kallie

PS- don't let Katie and Bobby leave.