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Hurricane Zu-LAME-a

Sometimes things work out exactly as they should, even in reality tv.
Last week on Project Runway, Zulema narrowly won the 'Thin Ice' challenge over the more deserving, and less obnoxious, Chloe. (i blame you Sasha Cohen! a curse on your next triple lutz!) This week she used her victory to stage a walk-off between the models and then steals Nick's model/muse Tarah, thus sticking Nick with her old model, Rachel, aka 'Elongated Marshmallow With Gumby Legs.' (ouch, Tim Gunn, very ouch) Rachel gets a gold medal for dealing with Zulema's butt-baring sweater dress and what can only be described as 'Adventures in Ruching', all to get dumped at the first available opportunity. Nick is devastated until Nice Daniel gives him a pep-talk. He rallies, focuses on a design that will look good on Rachel, and together they tell Zulema where she can stick her walk-off...or walk her stick off......one of those. Zulema spends the whole episode giving that tired reality-show speech: 'i'm not here to make friends, i'm here to win' that people use to justify shady behavior, and adorable Tarah is stuck in the middle of all of it.
This week's challenge was to run around NYC taking photos, then use one of the photos as inspiration for a design. Zulema takes a picture of a woman in a big red dress and makes-- wait for it-- a big red dress! (Look out, Donna Karan!) Cute Daniel deservingly wins the challenge for taking a photo of an orchid and making a sculpted blouse-and-pencil-skirt combo. Rachel rocks Nick's fishtail skirt and nautical top. The judges call out Zulema and Kara (next week's loser, if there is a God) for their lack of creativity and send egomaniac Zulema packing, thank Lady Justice of Fashion!
But wait! Next week Winner Daniel will have to decide whether he wants to keep pinchy-face Rebecca or rescue Tarah from the train wreck that was Zulema! Oh the DRAMA! And is it just me, or would it be awesome if Seal stopped by as a guest judge? i think he has more than a little insight into the runway world. They could call the challenge 'Crazy' and the contestants would have to design a new uniform for mental patients. Yesssss! i'm calling Heidi right now!

Overheard

Martha Stewart, with guest Nia Long, going through pictures of Nia's movies and holding up this one:

"Now this is one of my favorite movies, i watch this one all the time; Boyz N the Hood."

Adventures in having my boss....

"Kallie, there's a paper jam in the printer, and that stuff is all Greek to me! You're the expert at this stuff." and walks away.....doesn't follow me to the printer to learn HOW to take care of it. Don't know why i'm considered an expert, as i specifically avoid such tasks becuase of moments like there. Don't you love it when people pretend to compliment you as their way of bossing you around? We have a fancy printer with a screen and flashing arrows diagramming exactly where the paper jam is. i looked at the screen, opened the appropriate door, and easily pulled out the offending piece of paper which was in plain sight.
---
"Kallie where's that excel file? Can you print it out for me?" (4th time i was asked)
"I emailed it to you so you'll have it and you can print it out whenever you want." (even tho it's on the shared drive and i'd answered as much the first 3 times.)
Later.... "Kallie i'm leaving and i'll be back around 3. i couldn't get the attachment to open, so could you go into my office and open it for me while i'm gone?"
So i go in, thinking i attached it wrong or there's a problem with the file. Nope. The email is open on the computer, i double click, attachment opens. It's a non-profit miracle!
Phone call... "Kallie i don't know if i'll be back before you leave, but did you get the attachment open?"
"Yes. i clicked on it and it opened."
"Could you also print it out for me? i don't know how to print excel stuff."
Needless to say, i left post-it notes on the monitor: 'To open email attachments: double click.' 'To print Excel files: click print icon.' 'To remove head from butthole, pull on shoulders.'
(....okay, maybe not that last one...)
----
Me: on my lunch, which i've taken at the same time everyday for the past year in the same fashion-- closing the sliding glass door to my office and turning off the light so i can eat at my desk in peace. Eating a bowl of soup, reading a book. i even have the hood of my sweatshirt up.
Boss opens door. "Kallie do you have the instructions for Claire for changing the outgoing message?" (3rd time he's asked this week)
"No, i already told Claire that."
"Okay we need to do that by tomorrow."
"Claire's doing it."
"Alright, great! Because that needs to be done."
Closes my door.
Opens my door.
"You know, it's not good for your eyes to read in the dark!"
"I know, but the lights being off indicates to everyone that i'm on my lunch break."
"Cool! Good idea!"
Closes my door.
Obviously not that good of an idea, seeing as how it doesn't work on him. i guess i'll have to go back to eating in my car.
---
How much do they pay those people who care for mentally disabled adults? Because that's what i should be making, since that's what i'm doing.

Movie Review: Red Eye

Starring Cillian Murphy & Rachel McAdams

CURSE YOU, WES CRAVEN!!! As if i didn't already hate flying....
Anyway, i Netflixed this because i'm a big fan of both actors (i was a McAdams fan before it was popular....like when she was making movies with Rob Schnieder) and i like a good scary movie, so long as it doesn't involve demons, Jennifer Love Hewitt, or creepy masked men on tricycles. This one did not disappoint. Most of the movie takes place on a plane, where Murphy is, in a sense, holding McAdams hostage with the threat of having her father killed if she doesn't use her fancy hotel management connections to arrange for the assassination of the Secretary of Defense.
i thought it was a simple, creative plot. No big conspiracies, no scandalous skeletons in any closets, just good vs evil, which is scarier anyway. The fact that the two actors are literally sitting in an airplane for most of the movie attributes to the scary 'trapped by evil' sense, plus it created a considerable challenge for the actors. Think about it: you can't easily rely on body language when you're sitting in coach, shot from the shoulders up. And, like i knew they would, Murphy and McAdams came through brilliantly.
The chase scene through the airport was a bit of a stretch; Lisa could've told any airport personnel a terrorist was chasing her and gotten a considerable lead, if not a telephone to use, but instead they go cat and mousing through the airport before busting out a full-speed chase. Now, if a pretty girl ran by you in an airport freaking out, wouldn't you at least slide your bag out to trip the bastard chasing her? Or, i don't know, scream and duck? It's a post 9/11 world Craven, people aren't going to let you mess around with their airports.
But what scary movie doesn't have its believability problems? i'll forgive it, in light of the fact that it's the only criticism i could think of. i recommend this for a good, trauma-free scare. 4.3 out of 5 beautifully-cheekboned bad guys.

The Return of Top 5 Fridays

(i know you're all weeping for joy.) i had a VERY hard time with this list and i know there's stuff i forgot, but the episode recaps aren't very helpful. Let me know if there are any i missed!

TOP 5 SCRUBS EPISODES

"My Screwup"... Brendan Fraser guesting as Ben Sullivan. Top notch performance by John C. McGinley, plus it introduced the world to 'Gay Chicken.'

"My Day At The Races"... JD attempts a triathalon before turning 30, Elliot faces some issues with her boyfriend Jake, and Doug and Ted get some good moments in. Highlight: The Mexican Apple Thief fantasy.... pure Elliot.

"My Lips Are Sealed"... JD & Carla get really drunk and KISS! Highlight: "Appletini, please- easy on the tini. ...Mmm, appley!"

"My Unicorn"... Guest starring & directed by Matthew Perry. To find a kidney transplant for his patient, JD tracks down Matt Perry, who wants nothing to do with his dad, played by real-life father John Bennet Perry. Good singalongs too.

"My Boss's Free Haircut"... There wasn't much to this episode, but i like it when they give Ken Jenkins (Dr. Kelso) more to do, cuz he's really good.

Sweet Justice

'Reno 911!' gets call for big screen

Another One Bites the Dust

To those of you who have yet to hear, Jeff Unfried is now engaged to Kate White. Jeff proposed to Kate January 6th, 2006 in the great city of Roseville surrounded by rose petals and candle light. (Kudos to Jeff) We could not be more happy for you both. We can easily say that this is a great thing for the kingdom of Heaven.

P.S. Jeff, we are really happy you chose Kate because we really like her. Good job.

P.S. Kate, thanks for saying yes regardless of how weird Jeff's friends are.

P.S. That is one more friend up in Nor. Cal. vs. So. Cal.

Girly Things

A long, long time ago, like, almost 3 weeks even, Josh Hermsmeier slipped a ginormous fake emerald from Disneyland on Ashley Morrow's finger convinced her to marry him. (This is a pic from that fated D-land trip. Yes, that's a turban.) YAY! i was starting to think that next summer wouldn't meet the requisite 3 wedding minimum. i get to be a bridesmaid, which is really fun once you've already been a bride, and it's all very exciting. Congrats to Ashmeier and Hermsley!

Speaking of fun stuff for next summer, baby Alexander has decided to be a pink! i mean a girl! Break out the frilly dresses and shiny black Sunday shoes! Start sewing sparkles on a tiny labbie vest! We can't wait to meet the little darlin' !

And the award for 'Best Way to Fix the Box Office Slump' goes to....

NBC, for signing Jon Stewart to host.

Movie Reviews

The Island
Starring Ewan McGregor's bad accent and Scarlett Johansson's lips
This movie got some bad reviews but the plot piqued my curiosity so i Netflixed it. Lincoln and Jordan live in a Gattaca-esque society where everyone is healthy and happy. They're told they survived a 'contamination' that made the rest of the world unliveable. A couple times per day, a big brother type announces that someone else has won the lottery and is allowed to go to 'the island' which is a utopian place untouched by the contamination. Of course this is all malarky. They are actually clones of the real Lincoln and Jordan, who live somewhere in LA and were rich enough to have them created in case they ever wanted new skin, a new liver, etc. Lincoln figures it out, non-clone Steve Buscemi helps them escape, and Djimon Hounsou hunts them down. Evil Scientist Sean Bean does evil scientist things to prevent further problems.
Very stylistic with some pretty cheesy lines (as futuristic action flix usually employ) and major lapses in believability, even for an action movie. You can tell Scarlett's used to lines with a little more brain behind them and Ewan's American accent comes and goes like the tide. Scenes with human Lincoln, who IS Scottish, and clone Lincoln, who is American, are a manifestation of this. Very annoying product placement throughout, and not in that excusable satirical way. Big waste of Buscemi, Hounsou and Bean, who are all fantastic actors dumped in stereotyped roles. Rotate them all one degree and you've got an interesting movie. Overall it was pretty lame, but given the current trend in embryonic stem cell research and cloning, believably disconcerting. i give it 1.8 out of 5 "disturbance in the hologram control room!"s.

The Producers
Nathan Lane, Matthew Broderick, Will Ferrell, Uma Thurman, & Pharmacist George
Yup, made the mistake of paying for this one. It's a really bad movie based on a musical based on a movie about two guys making a really bad musical. Got it? There were moments of sheer hilarity, but those were always preceded and followed by moments of sheer banality. 80% of the jokes fell painfully flat and the songs weren't very musical, if that makes sense. Uma Thurman is distractingly tall and blond, and don't get me started on her accent and singing. Pharmacist George and Matthew Broderick are really great, especially Broderick who is usually cast as the mild, stammering nice guy and is a complete screaming nut in this one. Will Ferrell is a Nazi playwrite and pigeon fanatic. He does what he can with some really lame jokes. The pigeons were given better material. Recommended (but only for free or Netflix) if you like slapstick and campy musicals. 2 out of 5 Adolf Elizabeth Hitlers.

The Life and Death of Peter Sellers
Geoffrey Rush, Emily Watson, Charlize Theron, John Lithgow, and Stanley Tucci as Kubrick
This was an HBO movie that got a few awards, and i'd caught a bit of it in the blissful 48 hours after you get the cable installed and they give you the dangling carrot of HBO and other special channels. i Netflixed it b/c Josh grew up watching the Pink Panther movies so i thought it would be fun. It's a great film, but like most 'warts and all' bio-pics, its honest portayal of Sellers is disenchanting and painful at times. Nonetheless, really great performances all around, especially by Rush, who is always so good. i don't normally like Charlize Theron, but like her brilliant, inspired turn on Arrested Development as a mentally challenged British spy, i really enjoyed her in this supporting role as Sellers' second wife, Brit Easton. i heart Stanley Tucci and John Lithgow is always good to have around, especially in sweet 60s hairstyles. It's very imaginative, Eternal Sunshine-esque in that regard, and deserving of its acclaim. Recommended for everyone, especially those who don't mind a hero's fall from grace. 5 out of 5 Inspectors.

271...

...the number of new emails i have after a week off. Beat that! And out of those 271, only 13 were non-spam.