Movie Review

Miami Vice
Colin Farrel, Jaime Foxx
directed by Michael Mann

Not good. i know....i should've known better. i've heard the rumors of it's suckiness, i've read articles about the many problems with its creation..... but i still thought it would have something to offer. Nada. All i gained from my $9.50 and 2 hours was "Hey, i didn't know Jaime Foxx had freckles!"
It followed the Action Movie Formula to the letter. Gratuitous sex, fast cars, graphic violence, minimal character development, you name it. Snooze. Yet calling it an 'action movie' would be giving it way too much credit. There was very little action at all. Well, besides the aforementioned 'romantic' action designed to make me, the female movie-goer more comfortable with the movie and able to identify with the characters. (Somehow, their getting it on in the back of a limo while negotiating a drug deal didn't really speak to my comfort or identity.) One big shoot-out scene at the end is all the action supplied, which begs the question: is it really action if they're all hiding in their respective holes and arbitrarily firing weapons? No chases, no fights, no running. This movie was a whole lotta nothing, except millions of dollars being flushy-flushed away.
i expected some level of 'buddy cop' dynamic between the two stars, but it was absent from the script in general, and they didn't seem in any mood to make one up. Jaime Foxx just hangs out and collects a paycheck, Colin Farrel tries this gritty cop voice thing, which makes it harder to understand him than it already is, and Gong Li plays a Spanish-speaking Chinese drug lord named Isabella (yes, you read that right) so i didn't get a word she said either. Add the fact that she and Colin Farrel have the most dialogue, and you're pretty much stuck reading lips. Except the darn camera is always on someone or something OTHER than the person talking! 'Edgy' editing made this movie more confusing than it already was, which is saying alot. i felt like i was watching an un-funny inside joke that everyone was too cool to let me in on. Note to film makers: you gotta let the viewers in on the joke. They PAID you to let them in on the joke.
i could go on, but i already spent too much time and money on this turkey. 1 out of 5 mojitos. (and how dare you involve the precious mojito in your devious doings, Michael Mann!)

my arms hurt

For those of you who don't know, we moved this past weekend. Not far, just to the other side of Elk Grove, out of our 1-bedroom apartment and into the master bedroom of a 4-bdrm house we share with our friends John and Brandon. Our new room is pretty much the size of the old apartment and has TWO walk-in closets! (oh, the love!) Cosmo is still figuring it all out, and he's pretty annoyed that he has to wear a collar now. Who knew he was such a nudist? Next week the house's rightful owner, Kahlua the Rottweiler, comes back from her summer break in Chico, so we'll see how that goes. Place your bets now! i have $5 on them being best friends. There's still much unpacking to do and we need to get the apartment tidied up for its new occupants by Thursday, but it's been going well. Learning Experience 1 of many to come: don't let your 3 male roommates pick the movie without consulting you (Miami Vice: NOT GOOD). We'll post pics when we unearth the camera.

Weddings 3 and 4

Yes, the blessed day has come, we are FINISHED with weddings. Currently, there are none planned for the fall or winter circuit, so we can begin to reacquaint ourselves with what Elk Grove actually looks like on a Saturday.

Wedding 3: Jeff and Kate (White) Unfried
Very similar to the nuptials of Jeff and Erin (White) Kane, and just over a year later. Now, i love my Jeffs and i know they're super guys, but i also know them as the bozo roommates of my college boyfriend. So when they marry smart, fun, gorgeous girls like these, i scratch my head in bewilderment. i'm sure they do too.
i sat by myself at this wedding because Josh was a groomsman, but i was not too lonely because i was surrounded by Nazarenes, NorCalians, and some divine combinations of the two. The reception was held in the orchard (i believe it was walnuts, Grandad) and featured yummy tri-tip, cakes and pies from all persuasions, and some hilarious hijinks on the microphone. We don't have any pics b/c David wasn't there and we stink at remembering to take pictures of important events. So after another wonderful White Ranch wedding, Jeff and Kate sped off into the Yuba City sunset on their way to Jamaica. Perhaps they'll run into...

Wedding 4: Jeff and Meredith (Carrol) Purganan
This wedding was hot. It was held outside during one of San Jose's hottest weekends EVER. And the groomsmen wore all black. Fortunately, we weren't groomsmen. i was a water girl who very quickly got promoted to d.j.. "Oh but Kallie," you say, "You're not a d.j., have no experience with d.j. machinery, and are not widely celebrated for your taste in music!" EXACTLY. But the professional person hired for the occasion did not appear, so the responsibility for rocking fell to me and my lovely bearded assistant, Josh. We made it work. We had some emergency shuffling time and a sympathetic army of helpers, so we pulled it off using our own measly collection of cds, David's laptop, and Kaz's ipod. Unfortunately, many guests confused me for an actual d.j. (it must've been the hair) and began making requests i could in no way accomodate. i'll say this though, i've never seen people get so excited for 'Cotton Eye Joe'.
This wedding was held at a museum/club/park thing. It was very pretty with lots of tall trees. Winter and i decided that the color combo, black and pale pink, worked very well. We missed most of the ceremony because we were running around dealing with music issues, but i hear it was lovely. The table assignments for the reception found Josh and i sitting with Dr. Sam Powell (whose class i did not exactly excel in), Sac District Superindent Steve Scott, the Reverend Tim Hall, who performed the ceremony (he says 'Hi Bakers!'), and future Nazarene big-wig, Tim Gaines. Thanks alot Jeff. You're hilarious. Let's just say abject fear kept me from partaking of any wine or champagne in their presence and i ate most of my meal behind the sound board. Overall, it was a great party and we managed to slip a cool, group-effort mix cd into their honeymoon luggage before they too jetted off to Jamaica. You can check out Steve Potter's pix here.

So. No more weddings for a while. Bonnie's is the only one on the docket for next summer, but we've done 3-5 every summer since 2002, so i doubt it'll stay that way. (Bonnie and Andy: if no one gets engaged soon, it's likely all of my friends will crash your wedding to stave off withdrawals.) Best wishes to all of this summer's newlyweds, may your first years be as hilarious, educational, and delightful as ours have been.

What's this 'productivity' you speak of?

i LOVE this game! Pedulumeca
i'm really bad at it, but i. can't. stop. It's so swingy!

Book Review! (i do occasionally break away from the screen)

Mystic River
by Dennis Lehane (not to be confused with the LeHaye goon writing the 'Left Behind' books)

Danielle introduced me to Beers Books, a cool used bookstore near my office, and while escaping my boss one day i came across Lehane's book. i would never have given it a 2nd glance if it weren't for the masterful film version directed by Clint Eastwood. So, since the book was only $1.75, i bought it.
Oh my goodness. This book is so good! And i even knew the twisty ending already! It is in serious contention for a place in my lists of Bests and Favorites. A quick plot summary: three boys (Dave, Sean and Jimmy) are friends in the low-income outskirts of Boston. One day they're messing around in the streets when a car pulls up and two men take Dave away. Four days later Dave escapes from what was obviously a sexually abusive situation, but it's never discussed. The boys drift apart. Fast forward: Jimmy's 19-year old daughter is brutally murdered, Sean is the investigating detective, and Dave becomes a suspect. All the old demons come out.
Maybe i was partial to the book b/c the movie was so good, but based on its great reviews by others, i doubt it. Everything is so clear, even the knobbiness of Dave's bent mind. Every character: the 3 men, their wives, even peripheral characters, are so unique it's amazing that Lehane could be so dead on so many times in one book. And you don't have to know Boston to get that Lehane has its nuances down to a T. i was most impressed with how he sculpted Celeste, Dave's wife. A great depiction of how a person can become haunted by someone else's demons and not even know why or how. Annabeth is vicious (like a fox), a perfect balance to the dormant-too-long volcano that is Jimmy. Dave is SO complicated, but Lehane unfolds him slowly enough that it never overloads the reader, it just overloads Dave (which is the point). Sean is trapped in such a bizarre situation, while dealing with his own woes via phone 'coversations' with his silent wife, but manages to keep just enough of his cop's edge in the midst of the chaos to give Jimmy a run for his money and break poor Dave down a bit more. Jimmy is profoundly confused in his grief, and it's very powerful. i wish i could explain more, but doing so would give too much plot away. i feel it's necessary to point out that this is not a feel-good book, FYI. Don't say i didn't warn you.
If you've seen the movie, know that it stayed very true to the book and was probably the best book-to-film adaptation i've ever seen, but it still missed SO much, just b/c that's how it goes. If you haven't seen the movie, you should, whether you read this book or not. For me, having seen the movie first helped, but only b/c it was so well done. i don't usually recommend starting with the movie. Sean Penn and Tim Robbins both won Oscars for their portrayals of Jimmy and Dave, respectively, so having their great performances in mind, and the Boston accents, helped give the book more life, by no fault of Lehane's. Anyway, the book rocks, the movie rocks, i can loan you both. 10 out of 10 'Who do you love?'s.

Feed Roseville!

from Money magazine...

Skinniest
Here are the cities where residents have the lowest average body mass index.
(Rank, City, Body mass index)
1 Roseville, CA 24.5
2 San Francisco, CA 24.8
3 Houston, TX 24.8

funny headline alert

Butt Inquiry Kicks Off

The NY Times figures out what we knew all along.

"Redding, Calif., is hot, friendly and busy. Two hours north of Sacramento, Redding was once considered just another Podunk, notable for its highway sprawl and a sea of outlet malls. But in the last seven years the city, which has 87,000 residents, has remade itself and is becoming a destination.
...You could while away your morning by lounging on big comfy pink, purple and green sofas, checking your e-mail messages and playing Connect Four and Boggle at Yaks Koffee Shop." (where you can also take in a Jen Russell original or two)

>>Read the complete article

Meryl Streep Wears the Devil...

...if the Devil is lucky.

i just saw The Devil Wears Prada, and instead of reviewing it, i'll just say that if Meryl Streep knocked on my door tomorrow and said 'Kallie, please give me all of your vital organs immediately,' i'd say 'Yes Ms. Streep, thank you.' There's a reason she's the most nominated actor ever in Oscar history. She just plain rocks.

Movie Review

Fun With Dick & Jane
Jim Carrey, Tea Leoni

We were in the mood for something easy and fun so we rented this little gem. Basic premise: Dick gets a promotion so Jane quits her thankless job, then Dick immediately loses his job when his company experiences an Enron-esque collapse (at the hands of Alec Baldwin, who too often gets stuck playing the smarmy boss). Months go by, their lawn is repossessed, they've sold everything they could, drive a joke of a car, and they're at their wits end. Thus: armed robbery, with increasingly creative costumes. (The arms in question are squirtguns that just look like handguns.) What's especially good is that the breaking point for Dick is not the foreclosure of his home, it's his wife saying he just doesn't have 'bad ass' in him. Anyone who is married knows why that's so right on.
It's pretty dang funny. Alot of physical hilarity and clever stuff like their grade school son speaking Spanglish as a result of spending more time with the housekeeper than his parents. At one point, Dick gets deported to Mexico and Jane comes to rescue him and pack his 12 new immigrant friends into the little clunker clown car. It's good stuff. The reason this movie works is because the chemistry between Jim Carrey and Tea Leoni is great. They acheive that vibe of people who are married and are truly amused by their spouse in an affectionate way. i think 'a lifetime of hilarity' should be included in wedding vows.
Richard Jenkins is great as the indicted CFO, Alec Baldwin, of course, is great (but seriously folks, let's give the man a challenge), Tea Leoni is incredibly likeable, albeit too thin, and Jim Carrey i just love in general. There were a few too many Carrey-esque, Ace Ventura throwback moments, but for the most part it worked. All-around fun flick, good to watch with the parents or when you're in the mood for silliness without the toilet humor. 5 out of 5 muddy handprints.

Mystery

So far, there are only two things Cosmo will react to when they are on the tv: the Foo Fighters, and polar bears. When they're onscreen he's all ears and pawing at the buttons. Why these two groups? Probably for the same reasonless reason he loves pineapple but hates tuna. What cat snubs free tuna but will snatch the pineapple chunk right off your fork?? Figures it would be ours.

Wedding #2

The Marraige of Josh Herms and Ashley Morrow

So it was back to San Diego for the last of my roommates to pledge holy matrimony unto a lucky boy. The bachelorette party included mud baths (fun: 10, health benefits: 0) and cowboy karaoke with some suspicious characters (fun: 10, health benefits: -8) followed by some quality late night catching-up with Erin, the only other person who goes to as many weddings as we do. Friday meant i finally got my requisite California burrito and was officially introduced to my new BFF, Lizzie Alexander. She is very cute and very small ("Like a tiny Nerf football with a bobble head" according to Josh) and pink and soft. i actually held her for like 3 whole minutes before she started to cry! it's a record! Lizzie likes flying cross-country, hanging out naked on the coffee table, and dancing with David. In her spare time, she conducts symphonies.
At the wedding rehearsal, i learned how to stand on a sticker and hold imaginary flowers, then it was off to the Harbor House for delicious steak whilst baby ducks floated around outside and Mark the waiter-gunning-for-an-Oscar worked the room. Back to Poway for reruns of 'So You Think You Can Dance' with Whit and Winter and sleeping in a Jewish bunkbed. Good times.
Saturday proved that what can go wrong for a bride, will. But it also proved that when you have a bridal party full of pros, you can accomplish anything. There was a minor emergency with the centerpieces, and whoever decided padded tables was a good idea needs to have their fingers chewed off by a pack of rabid yorkies. Nevertheless, we made it work, and nearly got Whit's car chopped in half by a train-track guard thingy in the process. In getting ready for our close-up, Erin found someone else's eyelash in her eye and i ate a whole box of Cheezits.
Then it was ceremony time! We walked down the aisle to Joe Cocker's "Help From My Friends", and Ash and her cowboy-booted dad coming down the aisle made Herms, and then everyone else, pretty teary. Pastor Storrer told it like it is and Molly Jenson and Greg Laswell offered a beautiful, new-ish rendition of 'Amazing Grace' that seemed like they made up on the spot. (it must be nice to have a bunch of professional musicians as buds) It was a very perfect ceremony. Tears all around.
The reception featured my first DRB performance in years, which nearly brought more tears. Ashley performed a beautiful hula for her families (more tears) and i got to eat twice-baked potatos. A hilarious 'mockumentary' reminded everyone (not that we needed it) just how much we adore Ash and Herms and how much they adore each other. FANTASTIC cake and spiffy dancing, especially by Deven Carter, marked the rest of the evening, until we finally bid goodbye to the happy couple and headed back to Poway.
We said goodnight to Lizzie and her fan club and hopped in the spa til 3am, then got up at 6 in order to meet Rachel and Jason2 at Mission Bay for some oceanic wakeboarding. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it. We had MUCHO fun! Winter and i abstained from actually boarding, but we rocked the flag and decided we could totally open our own wakeboarding school, based solely on our ability to grade the performances of others. i learned that i've been eating wax all my life and will heretofore buy my apples out of the organic bin (thanks Rach!) i also learned alot about the liver. It was a momentous day because, folks, i got my hair into a ponytail! it wasn't pretty, it wasn't long, but it was a ponytail! (and no, i'm not going bald, that's bedhead.) Breakfast was a godsend, followed by an inspirational-albeit-depressing trip to West Elm with J and Winter and a pick-a-nick on campus with the Kanes, Potter, Friberg and other people with no first names. i also met a dog named Fletcher!
So that was the weekend. Thanks to Herms and Ash for throwing such a great party and giving us a reason to come down, Whit and TanTan and the Kanes for housing us as usual, Rach and J2 for the aquatic delights, Dave for the Davidy and Winter and J1 for Niemyness.