it's a bird! it's a plane! it's a MOVIE REVIEW!!

Superman Returneth
Brandon Routh, Kevin Spacey, Parker Posey, and Kate 'Skeletor' Bosworth

We don't make it a habit to see 3-hour movies at 10pm on a school night, but when Marlon Brando beckons from beyond the grave, you'd better answer. Plus, i trust director Bryan Singer, and he did not let me down.
Brandon Routh didn't pique my interest in any of the trailers, but he was REALLY good, playing Clark and Superman just differently enough to make it interesting... and he's a total hottie once he gets going. :P The ever-present forehead curl was a little distracting, but then i realized that i kept wanting to fix it for him (aka 'stroke his beautiful face'), and that was probably the point. He was vintage Superman, all man of steel and truth and justice, and a spot-on Clark Kent: nerdy, tortured, clever. i was impressed.
Kevin Spacey is a fantastic Lex Luthor, no surprise there, and Parker Posey as his ... girlfriend? assistant? sister? barber?, Kitty Kowalski, is nothing short of inspired. i laughed at everything she said and did; anyone else in the role would have been utterly forgettable. Plus she wins for best wardrobe. And Kate Bosworth. *sigh*. i almost got up in the middle of the movie, called every Round Table and In-N-Out in Beverly Hills and had 80 pounds of food delivered to her. Or i could've told Round Table to hire her as a cheese grater, that's how bony this girl is. It was very distracting. i get that Superman is supposed to whisk her around like the big, strong man he is, but he does enough heavy lifting to communicate that; she didn't need to be all of 75 pounds and nearly swimming in every costume. Speaking of swimming, we're supposed to believe she can dive into a stormy ocean wearing a ball gown and pull a sinking, 225lb Superman to the surface? This girl looks like she can barely hold up her purse! Performance-wise, she wasn't bad. i dunno. James Marsden is good as Lois's fiance Richard, the great guy who is everything, including heroic and easy on the eyes..... except he's just. not. Superman. And the little boy, who happens to be 5 years old (gee, didn't Lois and Superman boogie down right before he left 5 years ago? interesting...) is actually a good little actor with a good storyline. And you know i'm not a fan of children in general, much less monkeying up otherwise good movies, but it was done well.
SO. A great, nay, SUPER! movie-going experience. The only downfalls are the way-too-long running time and Bosworth's physical presence....or lack thereof. 4.5 out of 5 red underpantses.

camp, the non-denominational way

Continuing in the grand old tradition of Summer, i was at camp last week. (Not Nazarene camp... they finally figured out i was having my ordained friends fake my 'pastor's recommendation' and that i wasn't actually attending a Nazarene church)
i was in Coloma, on the American Rio, heretofore referred to as Surface Of The Sun 2.0., driving trailer-load after trailer-load of amped youngsters to the river every afternoon. Van-loads too, but we also snuck (too) many into the trailer to hang on for dear life with their tubes. Take that, Fuzz! i was also supervising late night pay-phone calls to boyfriends, steering clear of nightly farting contests in the girls' tent, (girls have changed since i was one) and teaching city kids that 'Camping means you don't need a mirror to brush your teeth.' And they had their hands full with me, because i'm used to much more organization, programming, and a staff room stocked with yummies. Poor dears had to keep hearing 'Well, at Nazarene camp..." By the end of the week, though, more than one tradition-less student (of the same tradition-less persuasion that once asked me what a hymnal was) said 'The Nazarene church actually sounds pretty cool.' Well duh! What part of Phineas F. Bresee didn't strike you as 'cool' before??
Anyway, it was a good time. And after some harassing and bribing, i was able to get the boys from our church to name me as 'Hottest Counselor,' which of course was my whole reason for being there in the first place. That and serving Jebus or something. This weekend......another wedding!!

Movie Review

The Omen
Starring Liev Schrieber, Julia Stiles, and Mia Farrow

You're thinking: 'Um, WHY???' and it wasn't my first choice of activities on a nice Wednesday evening, but i had to mystery shop the movie theater where it was playing and it was either this or R.V. So.
No mystery about the plot here: the Thornes unwittingly adopt the spawn of Satan, borne of a jackal, after their child 'dies' in delivery. Five years later: crazy/scary shizzle hits the proverbial fan, Armageddon close behind.
i can handle, and even revel in, all the creepy thrillers thrown my way, provided the antagonists are humans do human things. Love the Hannibal Lecters, hate the Damien Thornes. i expected this movie to mess me up big time, but i was spared from too many disturbing images of devils and the like. Mostly because i'm an expert at watching through my fingers. Not to say i didn't let out a scream or two or decide to never own a black dog- at one point i screamed and jumped so suddenly and violently i actually came out of my shoe!
Anyway, i decided that at least a film like this would be interestingly shot, costumed, and acted, so it might be worth it. Lots of contrasting red and white and subtle and not-so-subtle religious symbolism, costumed to be relatively timeless. The acting was a little bit of a let down: Liev Schreiber delivered as usual, but Julia Stiles ... i dunno. She's never struck me as a particularly good actress. She has an interesting face, so she holds your attention, but her delivery is never natural enough. i think it really showed in this movie because she was surrounded by compelling actors like Schreiber and Mia Farrow. Speaking of Satan's original baby mama, she was WAY underused here. She rocked. Damien, played by Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick (i wonder if he's Irish) had maybe 3 lines total, so all he got to do was utilize the creepy 'dark-haired-kid-with-light-blue-eyes' staring thing for two hours. Not scary enough. The pbj scene, however, FREAK. Y. And the scooter: vaguely reminiscent of the tricycle in The Shining, so props for that. Oh yeah, and David Thewlis is good as the doomed reporter.
Overall, i'd say it was interesting, and while i'm glad i'm not going to be shivering in the fetal position all night long (speaking of The Shining...) i'm kinda bummed it wasn't scarier. Worth a look, and it stays very true to the original. 3.5 out 5 crazy nannies.

The (temporary) return of the Top 5

Top 5 Wedding Memories

The Photo Booth: Good, Clean, Black and White Fun, courtesy of Whitney & Tannan
Well, clean might be a misnomer, but any(free)thing that lets us revel in our good looks and boundless creativity for 3 hours is a-okay. i think one or two creations actually made it into the guest book where they belonged.

‘Why Are U-Turns Illegal Throughout The State Of Oregon?’, courtesy of Katie & Bobby
The missions were simple: pick up this, drop off that, etc. But we had to manuever the city, Frogger-like, going from point A to point B via point W.5 just because some granola-breath didn't feel like coming up with more than, oh say, 9 street names for the entire city. So why was it so fun?! because it HAD TO BE!

Homemade Hard Cider On An Empty Stomach, courtesy of Winter & Jason
One of the first weddings to be spirit-filled, the Nazarenes were exposed to a whole new denomination of celebration. Major losses for Phineas's team were recorded while Mr. Luther made significant gains.

If The Alumni House Is Rocking…. Don’t Use The Bathroom b/c It’s Probably Salmonella, courtesy of Rachel & Jason2
Oh Cheryl Smee, if you only knew the debauchery that (almost) went on under your roof! Good times are always had when you put too many of us in small quarters for the night, and this was no exception. Dietary mishaps and fears of Madame Tingley aside, it rocked.

It’s In Yuba City, What Could Possibly Go Wrong?, courtesy of Erin & Kane
How about Vicodin, car wrecks, facial viruses, girls armed to the teeth with 9-irons, and an Appletini mix that lurked in the back of my fridge for 8 months? All the more reason for Fun to triumph over Adversity!

Further evidence in the case against chihuahuas...

...they attract weirdos. (notable and sole exception: Tiger Tanaka) Case in point:

Angry owner uses dead puppy as a weapon
A woman angry that her new puppy had died pushed her way into a dog breeder’s home and repeatedly hit her on the head with the dead Chihuahua, authorities said.
The 33-year-old woman told police she had taken the puppy to a veterinarian, who said it was only 4 weeks old and needed to be returned to its mother. But before she could return the puppy, it died.
Early Wednesday, the woman went to the breeder’s home, pushed her way inside and began fighting with the breeder as she tried to make her way to the basement to get another puppy, police said.
The breeder wrestled the woman out of her house to the front porch, where the woman then hit the breeder over the head numerous times with the dead puppy, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reported, citing police.
As the woman drove away, she waved the dead puppy out of the car’s sunroof and yelled threats at the breeder, police said. She later called the breeder and threatened her and her family, according to court records.
Police said they are considering felony burglary charges against woman and misdemeanor assault charges.

Lock and Load

i was recently turned on to Boston Legal (starring James Spader, William Shatner, & Candice Bergen) and now i can't get enough of it. i thought i would be a legal drama that was occasionally funny, but i discovered it's actually a completely absurd comedy that is occasionally a legal drama. i watch alot of funny stuff, but this has its own place in the echelon of hilarity, because it's the kind of 'one-liner' funny that catches you totally off guard and makes you blurt out a loud laugh several times per episode. 99% of the humor comes from Alan (Spader) and Denny (Shatner) who bring new meaning to the terms 'deadpan' and 'eccentric'. I.e., one episode fades out with the two of them sitting on a balcony with lit cigars sticking out of their ears: Denny: 'We look good together.' Alan: 'Yes we do.'
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Denny: How can you ban red meat?
Client: Well, they've got a whole campaign. They plan to promote Summersport as the seafood capital of the world.
Denny: We're carnivores. When the pilgrims landed, first thing they did was eat a few Indians. I'll argue it myself. Ban red meat. That cannot pass Constitutional mustard.
Shirley: The word is "muster," Denny, but you're right, the law lacks condiments.
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Alan: [to his girlfriend, in a bar] Hello, I'm a complete stranger and I'm here to pick you up. [notices Joe] Oh, I see, there's two of us. I'll be evens, you be odds.
Joe: You got a problem?
Alan: No, actually. I just saw this fair maiden here talking to a tree trunk, and since I'm an arborist I thought I could help translate.
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Alan: [to Laurie, after she catches him making out w/Sally in the library] Laurie, you disapprove of me. That warms my cockles!
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The reaction shots of the rest of the cast is half the fun, and Denny spends the majority of his time in court sleeping. Sometimes they even acknowledge they're a tv show (even though it's not a reality show). Denny once asked someone, 'TiVo me, will ya?' and Alan has said 'Ah, Denny, I've hardly seen you this episode.' Cracks. Me. Up. This show rocks, i love it, and you should too. i think they're on summer hiatus or showing reruns, so go to Blockbuster and rent the first season.