The Purse

Now is as good a time as any (isn't that a strange phrase? American is a weird language) to tackle a long-overdue blog entry called 'GOOD LORD WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN YOUR PURSE?' This hopes to be just as amusing/ appalling as my text message lists.

1 bottle of Aleve Liquigels (not the small travel kind either, the biggie with 80 dolls inside)
A still-wrapped drinking straw
Aveeno daily moisturizing lotion
7 Claritin
Orange bouncy ball
Green post-it reading: Simplicity 2968, 2995 Vogue 8411/8181 8468
Quarter sheet of paper masquerading as a to-do list (4/8 things left to do, in case you're wondering)
Little paper holder formerly containing Jack in the Box french fires
Hairbrush
3 spoons (not plastic spoons, the nice ones we registered for at Macy's. 1 of which is the giant serving spoon kind)
2 cd mixes; 1 called 'Christmas Mix 07, Office Version' and 1 called 'Regina Spektor & friends'
Sticker name tag from Best Companies to Work for In Shasta County breakfast
6 maximum strength Midol
2 gum wrappers
Ear buds
Tube of Neosporin
Video iPod
Scrap of paper reading: "Like Water for Chocolate, Lady in the Water, & The Ultimate Gift"
3 Aleve liquigels that managed to escape the bottle
2 lip gloss tubes
Dutch Bros punch card with 2 stamps
2 pay stubs
Antique ring-mirror
1 Comtrex Cold & Cough, expiration 10/2007
3 Reese's mini peanut butter cup wrappers
Half-full bag of Halls cough suppresants, belonging to Josselyn
Small spiral-bound Van Gogh calendar i bought to keep track of what i did that day. Last entry: April 6th.
Pack of Orbit bubblemint gum
Lipstick: Mary Kay's 'rose petal'
Blue wallet
Red cell phone
Purple toothbrush
Credit card, driver's license (no, of course they're not kept safely in the wallet!)
6 MORE maximum strength Midol in the other pocket
Small red travel case containing the following:
--Tide To-Go stain remover
--hand sanitizer
--lipstick: Almay's 'bronze 205'
--mirror
--toothpaste
--Carmex tube
--Blistex tube
--4 Band-Aids
--Chanel "Chance"perfume sample
--hair clip
--Burts Bees blemish stick
And finally, receipts (all from the first two weeks of April, oddly) for:
-Target, for returning a pleated skirt
-Carl's Jr
-Safeway: for Rolos, a mini pizza, a Dr. Pepper and 2 Healthy Choice Cafe' Steamers
-Target, for Heather Sanders' shower gifts, and some gum
-Target again, for clothes
-Chipotle
-Safeway: mascara, eyeliner, and cat food
-Walgreens

Well there you have it. You thought Boy Scouts were prepared! i could remove your appendix or treat your malaria using only items found in my purse! Let it be known that a previous purse, now retired, once enclosed all its usual contents, plus 2 In-n-Out burgers, two orders of fries, and 2 regular sized soft drinks (standing upright) and bore it all into the movie theater without a single spilled drop of pop or smashed fry. i'd like to see you do that with your wallet, sir.