ahh, satire

Secret abortions must be secured
By Russ Neal, published in the Paradise Post

I am going to start collecting signatures for a ballot initiative for our next election. It'll be a constitutional amendment so that no group of justices with common sense can overturn it. I'll call it "The Child Secrecy Initiative."

Or maybe "The Parental Ignorance Act." Oh, well, I'll figure out the name later. Here's the deal. I've noticed in the past several elections that there has been some sort of parental notification proposition on the ballot. Each time it has gone down to defeat.

But we can't be too complacent.

Maybe some day parents will wake up and realize the government and Planned Parenthood are taking their children away to perform secret abortions on them. We must be sure this secrecy is maintained and parents never know what is happening to their offspring.

So, I propose we start circulating a petition to create an irrevocable constitutional amendment that will forever keep parents in the dark concerning the health and welfare of their children. Currently we have laws that forbid giving children aspirin at school without the parents' permission. Soon these parents will want to know about the secret abortions being performed on their minor children and then where we will be as a society?

Some parents are actually cruel and mean to their children. As a result, we must be certain to keep medical information regarding abortions away from all parents. Forget that most parents love and cherish their children. That's irrelevant. Forget that some children, who have already had these clandestine procedures, have come home with serious medical and psychological problems about which the parents know nothing. That's a small price to pay in order to keep from informing parents that their offspring are going under the knife.

Forget the fact that some children have actually died as a result. What's a few deaths weighed against the benefits of maintaining our secrecy and keeping parents in the dark?

Although I have not worked out the final wording here are the salient points of the initiative: Background: Up to this point in time, parents have generally had control over the medical care given to their children. For some reason, this control has not been extended to the various and sundry ways in which the pregnancy of a minor can be terminated.

To ensure - for all time - that parents will be kept out of this decision to terminate a pregnancy, this amendment to the Constitution of the State of California permanently establishes, without recourse to its opponents, the right of the state to perform as many abortions on the minor children of this state as it deems necessary or desirable.

Furthermore, it is expressly forbidden for any abortion provider, school official, or employee of these organizations to make any attempt to notify the parents of the minor child in question. Secrecy concerning this procedure must be maintained. Should any complications arise regarding the minor child undergoing said abortion procedure, the child will be returned to the parents, but no information shall be given to them regarding the procedure or the complications arising therein.

Parents will be held solely responsible for all medical costs that may arise from said complications, and all abortion providers shall be held blameless regardless of circumstances, including failure to inform, negligence and/or incompetence.

My proposition ensures this veil of secrecy regarding medical procedures performed on the children will forever be enshrined in our state constitution. Then, if and when the voting parents ever wake up, we will be certain this practice can and will continue in the shadows - forever.

If any of you have any additional suggestions to keep parents out of their children's medical involvement and history, please send them to Planned Parenthood so that they may be incorporated into the amendment. Both Planned Parenthood and the government know better than any of you parents what's good for your children. So please be sure to write in and request a petition so that you can start gathering signatures. This veil of darkness must be maintained.

PS: This is important so that the 47 percent of Butte County voters who actually voted for parental notification during the last election could be educated in the timeless adage: "Ignorance is bliss."