“Non-reigning female member of a royal family.”
“The consort of a prince.”
“A woman member of a royal family other than the monarch, especially a daughter of a monarch.”
A princess is nothing more than importance by association. She is either married to a royal (glorified trophy wife) or the daughter of a royal (heiress). Really? Because when I hear the title ‘heiress’ I think of Paris Hilton and the likes of her ilk. And trophy wife? At the end of the day do you REALLY want your daughter to aspire to be like Melania Trump? Princesses have no value outside their statuses, which are not earned. They are born or married into privilege and did not work or demonstrate any talent to achieve that privilege. Phooey. Furthermore, idealization of princesses promotes inter-female hostility and general bitchery. Observe:
SNOW WHITE
Valued for her hair color, skin tone, royal parentage, soprano vibrato.
Your daughter learns: to be pretty, inherit something, and to win American Idol
Stepmother/Queen is jealous of SW’s hair so she makes plan to assassinate her.
Your daughter learns: that ugly girls are mean and jealous and will kill her for her beauty
SW escapes and lives in community with working class social pariahs: the 7 dwarves. They all get along famously and she contributes to the household.
Your daughter learns: to run away from her problems, move in with strange men and sleep in their beds
(not sure why the story can't end here since our heroine is safe, happy and still pretty, but i digress) The Dwarves warn her not to talk to strangers, something every 7 year old can grasp, but she totally flunks and not only talks to strangers, but eats whatever they put in her hand.
Your daughter learns: to accept that Pretty and Stupid go hand in hand, best not to fight it.
SW goes comatose and the equally-dim dwarves deem her dead and put her in a glass coffin. I guess they’re betting on her prettiness decomposing prettily.
Your daughter learns: pretty, even in death. Pretty is highest priority. Always be pretty and people will worship you. Pretty.
A prince happens upon this twisted scene, and goes all necro and insists on kissing the dead girl. It must have been some funky kiss because it functions as the heimlech maneuver and the poisoned fruit/choking hazard is dislodged. SW gets to marry this sexual deviant and go back to a castle and be a princess/queen for the rest of her life.
Your daughter learns: to accept marriage proposals from any handsome pervert with a good bank account, to abandon all skills learned in hard work, pursue lifestyle of leisure and beauty-worship.
THE LITTLE MERMAID (alias Ariel)
Valued for her appearance, miraculous seashell bra, singing voice
Your daughter learns: be pretty, have breasts that defy gravity, win American Idol
Ariel has a secret cave full of trinkets from the non-ocean world
Your daughter learns: to be a kleptomaniac archaeologist, but keep it secret lest anyone find out you have any hobby or interest besides singing and being a princess
Ariel spies on a ship, rescues the handsome prince from drowning, falls in love and sings about it.
Your daughter learns: hot guys are dumb and can’t swim, and we, the women, must swim for them.
Her father, King Triton, finds her secret treasure trove and smashes it all to pieces.
Your daughter learns: parents are the enemy and won’t understand your hobby or secret desire. Best to disobey them posthaste!
She has a meeting with the sea witch, a robust woman, who trades Ariel’s voice for a pair of legs and oxygen-breathing lungs.
Your daughter learns: fat girls are evil and always jealously seeking to destroy you, but dealing with evil is necessary to trade what God gave you for what you think you might want based on a cute boy you've never actually spoken to who may not even be single or interested in you.
She meets up with the prince and his dog, grins dopily the whole time because she can’t talk. They have an incredibly awkward date that she resolves by kissing him.
Your daughter learns: when the conversational chemistry isn’t there, just put out and the date will go much better. Also, giving up your voice, literally and figuratively, for the rest of your life is worth it if you have a guy who will worship you for your beauty and your dopey-girl charm.
The evil witch double-crosses her and uses her singing voice to steal her prince's affections.
Your daughter learns: jealous bitches will stop at nothing, and your boyfriend is a fickle, fickle beast who will instantly leave you for someone who can sing better.
Ariel and her pals crash the wedding, the evil witch and King Triton have a battle royale, and Ariel somehow ends up with legs, lungs AND voice. Thus, since she is the complete physical package, the prince likes her again and they marry and Ariel can never return to her family or her species.
Your daughter learns: completely change yourself to suit your man and all will be well.
SLEEPING BEAUTY, alias Aurora
Valued for her beauty, parentage, singing voice.
Your daughter learns: again, nothing worthwhile
At her christening, a jealous witch curses her so that she’ll prick her finger on a needle when she turns 16 and diiiiiiie. A kind fairy edits the curse from ‘diiiiiiie’ to ‘sleeeeeeeep’.
Your daughter learns: again, ugly girls are jealous, mean and violent. And they harness evil powers.
The king orders every needle in the kingdom destroyed and sends Aurora to live in the woods with the 3 benevolent old-lady fairies.
Your daughter learns: hide from danger, run from problems. Little old ladies are not rivals, but every other female is. (At least this one has female friends. All other princess-worthy sidekicks are either male or bizarrely androgynous.(see: Flounder))
16 years later, the princess and Prince Phillip meet in the woods and fall in love after duetting. The evil witch kidnaps Phillip and tricks Aurora into pricking her finger on an evil needle, sending her into an immediate coma.
Your daughter learns: to not use dirty needles, which is a good lesson. Although I can’t see how my cat can manage to remove every stick pin from my pin cushion and roll around in them without injuring himself, but this dummy walks right up to a needle and sticks her hand on it.
The good fairies rescue Phillip, who battles the witch and her evil forestation, and then he kisses Aurora and revives her from her coma. They marry and everyone lives happily ever after.
Your daughter learns: to just take a nap while everyone else does all the work because, after all, she looks so darn pretty when she sleeps and pretty trumps everything else. Also, marrying a relative stranger at 16 is perfectly acceptable if you are both adequately attractive and have royal titles you did nothing to earn.
Princess Jasmine (from Aladdin)
Valued for her midriff, giant eyeballs, and impressive rack. Also her royal family.
Your daughter learns: scantily clad women can be considered ‘exotic’ and it’s ok. Also, Bengal tigers make acceptable pets.
Meets a cute street rat, who then fakes his identity and pretends to be a rich prince come to woo her. She, of course, can only marry a prince.
Your daughter learns: to be blinded by wealth, pomp and circumstance.
They go on a magic carpet ride, he promises to show her a whole new world, which is made possible by a magic lamp that he stole from a tomb.
Your daughter learns: to consort with and drink up the promises of charming graverobbers, who are obviously lying.
Her father’s evil adviser, Jafar, evilly evils in order to get Jasmine to marry him and secure his evil plans.
Your daughter learns: that people with Middle Eastern accents are evil or inconsequential, since the only people in this movie with accents are evil or are extras.
Jasmine is trapped in an hour glass and Aladdin must battle Jafar. I can’t remember exactly but good triumphs and the cuties can marry even though Aladdin lied about everything, abandoned his friends and isn’t even a law-abiding citizen.
Your daughter learns: marry any deadbeat who looks good in hammer pants and a vest.
i do want to extend a 'well done' to Pixar and its peers for the kid-flicks of the past few years: Madagascar, Wall-E, The Incredibles, Kung Fu Panda, etc., none of which include princesses or dopey damsels in distress and are about friendship and hard work and recycling instead of evil crones and dating.
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