cime scene

When Mr. Perfect was a little tyke, he had his own Cabbage Patch doll- a boy doll whose name has been lost to history. We acquired him, along with a cache of other childhood treasures, from Mama Perfect a year or so ago. When it came time to announce our pregnancy to The World, we picked up a cheap baby carrier (the Bjorn knockoff, if you will) and unearthed the Cabbage Patch. In doing so, we christened him Carlos, after the 'found' baby in The Hangover and even equipped him with some sunglasses. Josh wore Carlos to work and told his peers he was practicing for fatherhood (thus, announcing). Carlos has been lurking around our living area ever since and added a diaper to his outfit when Mr. Perfect decided he should probably learn how to apply one. He also donned a hat, though i don't remember why.

So to sum up: Carlos the doll had been living happily, and fully dressed, in the entry for a matter of months. Last night we went to the movies and left Penny and Stella in the house unsupervised, as we often do. They'd been fed, to ward off any hunger-related mischief, and left with air conditioning and lights on and each other's company.

This is what we returned to:

Carlos' naked body, splayed face-up in a different room, with his hair disheveled and ankle tendon chewed off. THE HORRORRRRR! His clothes were scattered all over the place. Exhibits B-E (and i apologize for the blurry photos; i was overcome with emotion (which may have been horror... but may have been hilarity)):




And i'm no CSI, but i think i spy a pretty irrefutable DNA sample left behind by the culprit, which confirms my suspicions about who the alpha of the criminal partnership is:

To recap, two creatures, neither possessing opposable thumbs, 'allegedly' plucked Carlos from atop a dresser in another room, transported him into the living room, removed two shoes, two socks, pants, a diaper, a shirt and a hat, and left him exposed in his shame. Clearly, we're going to have get Carlos into therapy to do all we can to stave off any PTSD. He hasn't said much since the incident, but he was never very chatty in the first place.
(Here's where i struggle with whether it's TOO inappropriate to make a 'show me on the doll...' joke.)
Maybe the dogs thought he looked overheated in his sweatsuit, shoes, socks, diaper and beanie and felt they were doing him a service by stripping him bare? All we know is that they were pretty proud of themselves, while poor Carlos' face was a frozen rictus, trapping a fateful night behind those wide eyes.