public, private, potato, tomato

This may come as a shock to you (though it should not) but i do not shower daily. Or regularly. i have superhuman pH levels and a very sedentary lifestyle, both of which contribute to my ability to stay stink-free without bathing for several days. Sometimes, alluding to my lifestyle, my dear spouse will tease me and call me things like 'Stinky.' i do not charge him $4,000 for this insult.

Here's the thing: Disney cash cow and general tween puppet Miley Cyrus was hanging out with her friends in private and taking pictures. One picture was of everyone pulling their eyes and looking squinty. The picture was leaked to the internet and uproar ensued over her racial insensitivity and the poor behavior she is demonstrating for her fans. Now Miley is being sued by one woman who claims to be representing 1 million people, and she believes Miley owes each of those 1 million people $4,000 for the offense caused, totaling $4 billion. Never mind that
A- Miley's actions were in private, not on stage or on her show or at an endorsed appearance.
B- One of the friends in the picture is Asian.
C- She is a teenager, and sometimes that population of humanity goofs off and does stupid stuff.

When did it become okay to sue someone for hurting your feelings? and why do our feelings get hurt when someone calls attention to the basic markers of diversity? And if Miley Cyrus truly feels offensively toward another race, i think she's been raised by her parents and groomed by her Disneyness enough to know that you behave offensively behind someone's back, not with them in the same room. The presence of her Asian friend in the photo communicates that she probably was not making squinty eyes in an effort to communicate her race's superiority. And again, private gathering, private picture. It's interesting how the 'reporting' on this picture never mentions where it came from. Three guesses that it wasn't from Miley herself or someone with good intentions.

i can't say if i'm a fan of hers or not because i've never seen her show or heard one of her songs, but she is a singer and an actress, and not a 'lifecoach' and should therefore be held accountable for her singing and her acting only, not on every move she makes as a private citizen.

Moving on...

Michael Phelps has won 14 gold medals and he's only 23. You can't win gold medals, let alone that many, unless you're healthy and disciplined and responsible enough to endure the training and competition. Michael went to a private party and smoked marijuana; someone took a picture of it and sold/gave it to the media, so now Michael Phelps, who has 4 years until the next Olympics, is having to answer to the public about his actions. If he is an Olympian, and that's how we know him and what we praise him for and in whatever capacity made 'his job,' then what he does in private 4 years before needing to report to work is not our business unless it effects his job performance. A bong hit will not effect his backstroke in 2012. If it does, we have the right to be upset in 2012, but not until then. Also? private gathering, private actions. None of our business. Okay, play the 'marijuana is illegal' card (and wave it around in righteous indignation). Are you sure Michael doesn't have a license to partake of medicinal ganga? And when was the last time you went a WEEK without breaking a law? i broke one this morning. And this afternoon. And i'll probably break it on my way home. EASE UP. And i defer to my fantasy boyfriend Seth Meyers to finish up the Phelps portion of this diatribe:


i heard a recent interview wherein Brad Pitt was musing about how our culture requires actors to promote their projects by attending several talk shows/late night shows/magazine interviews etc and discussing their romantic lives. To a certain extent, the amount of awards a project and its participants receive is also based on this 'campaigning'. So here's the logic: an actor is paid to pretend he is someone else in a television show or a movie. The success of the movie or television is based largely on the actor telling strangers about his family and his sex life. Say it with me: HUH?? When a celebrity complains about the microscope they live under we wag our fingers and say 'but this is what you signed up for,' but you know what? not really. They signed to act or sing and we as a society added alot of fine print once we decided we liked or were interested in them, so if they want to KEEP their job, they have to sign on the dotted line, while we film them doing it. And if they're a female, we have to see if we can get a picture up their skirt while they're signing. In blood.

Now you're wondering what any of this has to do with me not showering. And you're wondering when i last showered. That's none of your business :) (see how i did that?)