December 16, 2005

TOP 5 CHRISTMAS BUMMERS

Don't get me wrong, i heart Christmas big-time, but i think we can all agree that there are some downfalls to it::::
The terrible, horrible, no good, very bad music. For me, it's the song 'Last Christmas I Gave U My Heart'. Hearing it makes me want to pour hydrochloric acid into my ears.
Yuletide predators. i've been hearing stories about the rising # of Christmas-y thefts, like stealing the Frosty off a person's lawn. My coworker's big stone planter and accompanying poinsetta got snatched off her front step!
The inevitable post-holiday blues, when you realize you won't get anymore paid days off or get to see your friends and family for MONTHS.
Parking and errand-running becomes a nightmare. i think that thru-out December, retailers should reserve a row of parking and a cash register line for non-holiday consumers. No waiting for someone to get 14 cans of cashews wrapped or 9 different gift receipts printed. It could be like the Express or Cash Only lines at Safeway, only it will be Scrooge Parking and Jehovah's Witness Register Line. If people abuse these features, a rent-a-cop will confiscate their purchases and give them to the poor. Yes. I'M A GENIUS.
Seasonal employees, God bless 'em. The one at Eddie Bauer gave me a box with no lid, the one at Borders gave Josh flack about his Bebe shirt (it was actually BebO, as in Norman), and the rest are more in the way than helpful. They're kind of cute though, in their cluelessness. ("Hello! And welcome! To Juice It Up!")
How 'bout it? Did i miss anything? Is there a song that's worse than 'Last Christmas'?

No comments: