ohhhhh, so THAT'S where W's brains went

Austin road sign warns motorists of zombies

An Austin road sign meant to warn motorists about road conditions instead read: "The end is near! Caution! Zombies ahead!"
Vandals broke off a lock on the sign in central Austin early Monday and then hacked into the computer to change the words, said Sara Hartley, a city spokeswoman.
When they were done, the sign read: “The end is near! Caution! Zombies ahead! Run for cold climate!”
Before leaving, the vandals reset the password so the city could not easily change the sign. The sign's humorous warning stayed up for several hours before the manufacturer of the computer could reset the password.
Austin officials aren’t taking the spoof lightly, noting it is a criminal act.
“The sign’s content was humorous, but the act of changing it wasn’t,” Hartley said.
__________________
Obviously, this is fantastic. Of all the things in the universe these pranksters could've picked to type, they picked zombies. For that, i applaud them.

song 13

Yo Yo Ma takes his bow as we count down my Top 15 songs. (yay! unintentional pun! Bow. Bow. Okay whatever.) i love cello music, i don't know anyone who doesn't. All the beauty of classical music without the squealy flutes and violins and scary cymbals and sopranos. Cello music is red wine and feathers and orchids. Here is my favorite cellist, playing my favorite cello song, Bach's Cello Suite No. 1. The way it builds in the third minute is so great, i listen to this song on repeat all the time.
(i realize the video is a little random, but it beats the version i found of this song set to a slideshow of Salvador Dali's more...terrifying surrealist pieces. Be sure to stick around for the amazingly bizarre city councilman hologram at the end. It was too good to pass up.)

Reason #11...

...of why i like Philip Seymour Hoffman: you can read the phrase, "Up next he voices an obese New Yorker with Asperger's in the claymation film Mary and Max" and realize just how much you love the entire world.

like him or not...

...he's your president, and you can't ignore that some pretty sweet art came out of this campaign. And what do we do with good art? we bastardize it!!!

She's Only Happy in the Sun

Penny honored Dr. King in her own special way yesterday. It involved snoring and moving from patch of carpet to patch of carpet, depending on the position of the sun. Just another terrible winter Monday in Redding. Today she is celebrating the inauguration in much the same way.

song 14

The 14th song on my top 15 list is Third Eye Blind's Motorcycle Drive By. This song made the list by virtue of its nostalgic connections. Find a carpet square, kiddies, cuz it's story time.
---
Once upon a time there was awkward Nazarene girl who had just graduated from high school. She joined a bunch of other awkward Nazarene kids on a trip to Toronto, Canada. In that group there was a goofy-looking Filipino wearing a PLNU sweatshirt. The girl, who was shy, asked, 'are you going there?' the boy grinned and said 'yes!' (he had crazy teeth). He asked if she was, too. She said, 'Yes. This fall?' 'Yes!' he said, and then pointed to another boy and said, 'he is too.' That boy was not Filipino, he was pale, pale white. The three awkward PLNU-bound kids became fast friends on their trip.
That Fall, they all met up at PLNU. Only the pale white boy had a car, and it was a beater with lots of bumper stickers for Christian bands. Sometimes the window didn't roll up and other times the clutch didn't work. The pale white boy drove his friends everywhere and he always played the same album. Even when the album was not playing, the crazy-toothed Filipino would sing the same song off that album. Very soon, that girl began to associate that song with that year and that car and those boys. Eventually there were other boys and girls who came and went from that car and they joined in the song too. Now the girl hears the song and thinks of 4 years and a dozen people. That is why to this day, she loves the song very much. The end.
---
So here you have it: i couldn't find the official video...i'm not even sure there is one. You'll have to make do with this fan's slideshow.

new math

Riddle me this, Batman:

Flight from Redding to San Francisco: $351

Flight from Redding to Fresno, with a mandatory stop in San Francisco: $305

Same travel dates, same airline.

Sooo, if i want to save $50 on my trip to San Francisco, i need only buy a trip to Fresno instead and just ditch my connecting flight?

(And that is a picture of Josh from a few years ago, before he grew the beard.)

support magnet addiction therapy

Today i saw a van (down by the river, no less!) that had no fewer than 10 magnetic 'cause' ribbons it. Autism awareness, breast cancer research, POW memorial, MIA memorial, generic patriotism, September 11th....etc. i didn't feel like tailing the woman home just make a complete list.
We've all heard the quote: "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." It seems this person interpreted that as "If you don't stand for everything, you'll fall down"...or something. When it comes to charity or 'support' in this context, does the 'quality before quantity' rule apply? Or is it jaded of me to question whether there's a point where people are just committed to commitment, rather than committed to a cause? i'm addicted to Orbit bubblemint, so it's not illogical that someone else can be addicted to the high from having a reputation as a philanthropist.
Then again, there are amazing people out there who give and give and give and truly support what they believe in. Maybe this driver is a breast cancer survivor with an autistic child and POWs and MIAs in her family. Quite possible. On the other hand, what purpose do those magnets serve? They don't say "Ask me how you can help find a cure for Autism!" Sure, the money you pay for the magnet goes toward that purpose, but after that, what does it communicate to other drivers? That you should let them in your lane because you're a giving, supportive person, that's what.The thing about the causes so widely proclaimed from tailgates is that they're the most well-known, 'popular' causes already, so it's not like you're actually raising any awareness about breast cancer by having a pink ribbon on your car. No one sees one of those and goes 'WHAT? Cancer? of the breast???! i never thought it possible!' You don't exactly see very many Calvarial Hyperostosis Awareness ribbons.
Ultimately these magnets just say 'This is a reality and it sucks.' (unless they're the puzzling kind that just say 'CHIHUAHUAS!!!'....actually, chihuahuas ARE an unfortunate reality...) They're meant as some sort of not-so-secret handshake between folks dealing with the same problems, a simple 'me too.' To that end, i can appreciate them, but i maintain there are at least 80 bajillion more classy ways of accomplishing the same purpose.

just your typical january barbeque

Since Winter (the season) is A.W.O.L. this year, it was in the mid-70s today and we barbequed. Please welcome the honorable first chicken apple sausages of 2009. Undoubtedly the first of many, many, many to come. They're not much to look at, but with some grilled peppers and sweet onions and a nice cold brew.....sono magnifici.

Taking Chance

Kevin Bacon is one of those actors who has been around forever but still seems to fly under the radar. He makes great choices (Mystic River) and mystifyingly bad choices (Beauty Shop), so maybe that's why i want him to succeed. Who knows? i also have a soft spot for Brendan Fraser, who only ever makes amazingly terrible movies that not even i will watch. My affections are distributed at random i guess.
Anyway, here's a trailer for Taking Chance. When i watched it i assumed there was another layer intentionally left out of the trailer to garner suspense. i did a little research and it is a true story and very, very simply exactly as it seems: one soldier escorting home the remains of another. The men had never met. Even people who oppose this war and/or who are generally not patriotic can participate in this kind of story. The trailer features one of my favorite Greg Laswell songs too.

next: cracking codes for the CIA

This WAS a fairly large rope twisted in thick strands and knotted on both ends. It is now several piles of colorful dog floss. How she managed to untie and uncoil it (while underwater, blindfolded, with all 4 paws tied to her tail!) (and a bomb strapped to her chest!) (oh and pirahnas in the water!) (pick a card!!!) is a mystery to us, especially since she, you know, EATS GARBAGE and the concepts of 'sit' and 'lay down' are evidently too advanced for her.

*Although she IS super cute 24/7, the trick to getting the extra-adorable expression for pictures is to hold the iPhone camera steady while pretending to bark like a dog. Since i suck at even simple sound effects, this expression is 'i'm worried about that dying alien you seem to have living in your throat, Kallie. Give me a chicken-buddy.'

torture

For some reason, we thought it would be fun to make a list of our Top 15 songs. We set a date to get together with some friends and all share our lists and swap mix cds of our picks. (Sidebar: i find it incredibly redundant to write/type/say "to get together," since the word 'together' begins with the words 'to get.' It's terribly annoying and English is bonkers, but whatever.) Anyway, the sharing of lists was supposed to be revelatory and fun. The making of the lists was supposed to be trying, yet indulgent. In truth, for most of us the making of the list was frustrating and painful and confusing and not at all indulgent (except that we're educated, priveliged white kids with ipods and enough leisure time to sit around making song lists...so maybe indulgent in that sense). It was, in a word, torturous. And self-inflicted, which is an added layer of bothersome. Oh, and they had to be in order of1st Ultimate Topmostest to 15th Topmostest. The sharing was revelatory and fun, so our efforts were rewarded, but sweet baby jesus in the manger, what efforts. i was near tears when the Foo Fighters had to be booted because i couldn't make room for 'Best of You'. It felt like i was telling a very dear friend that they weren't good enough and that i wasn't inviting them to my super awesome birthday slumber party. It was difficult, but i highly recommend having a Top 15 party with your best pals. Just know there will be work involved, but you'll come away a better sense of your friends and a bunch of rad new music. Or a bunch of Radiohead, depending on your friends.
i'll post my top 15 in bits and pieces and if you want Josh's you'll have to beg him for it. Or he can pay me $5/song to post them for him.
My number 15 was Nina Simone's "Feelin Good". This song is a complete package: great lyrics set to balls-out music and a delivered by a worthy singer. It totally captures the feeling of being on top of the world, and if you're feeling on the BOTTOM of the world, with, oh, say a runny nose, phlegm-y chest, sore throat and chapped lips AND a monster crick in your neck...it will still manage to make you feel like you can capture the castle.
This is a really cool music video i found for the song. If the video doesn't work you can go to its page HERE. Turn up your volume, sit back, and hear how Miss Nina does it.

Feeling Good, Nina Simone
by mrfnk

Captain Sniffles McSickypants

It turns out the man-of-a-million-immunities has an Achilles heel: a stealthy and lethal combination of vacation and goofy blond children. Josh is officially sick for the first time in about 3 years, so please extend your sympathies. i'm pretty sure he'd convinced himself he would never get another cold as long as he lived (something about killing and drinking the blood of a virgin unicorn on a Leap Year under a full moon).

Happy New Years Eve Day, pizza pocket. Sorry you're sick and sorry i slammed the pillow over my head this morning when you kept blowing your nose.

arriva derci, due mila otto

This is the time of year when humans go nuts making lists of things done and things to do because a committee somewhere in science and history determined that there needed to be a 'year' and it needed to end and begin in a single second. The rest of the birds, trees, beasties and elements go about their business because the whole calendar thing is pretty darn arbitrary, but we make lists because it helps with closure...which is another odd thing the birds, trees, beasties and elements don't need or understand. Here is the joshandkallie list of what 2008 was:
The Year of the Penny- we adopted our spotty darling and all the accompanying bliss and chaos. We learned of her affection for trash and discovered some mad skills in the area of hallway racing.
The Year of the Pavilion- we came to terms with the architectural actuality of the 'addition' on our house, tore the 'walls' out and created a rad 'pavilion'. (available for weddings and functions and ideal for karaoke parties)
The Year of Gainful Employment- Josh became a Creative Design Manager and i became a Marketing Coordinator. We discovered what 2 full-time salaries feels like... and what 2 full-time schedules feels like. i take comfort in having a smaller salary but a bigger and better office.
The Year of the CityLetter- we took trips to San Francisco to party with the Party family, to Portland to visit all kinds of peeps, to the coast to camp in happiness, and to Bremerton & Seattle to visit old housemate John and old college mates J & Winter. There were also a handful of trips to Oroville and Lodi but i can't seem to finish those letters....
The Year of Triumph Over Critters- we ousted - and more importantly, KEPT OUT - the possums/skunks/raccoons that had taken up residence in our walls.
The Year of Milestones- Josh became an official Nazarene, got his iPhone and new tv, Travis turned 30, Kassie & Frank got married, and i got a NEEEWWW CAAAAARRRRRRR!
The Year of Gas Prices, Fires, Primaries, Presidents, & Recessions- we feel like we only had 5 conversations this year, and had them over and over and over and over again.
The Year Our House Turned 50- if you're asking yourself 'wtf?' then you obviously missed the party.
The Year of the New Blog Design- in case you hadn't noticed. Be sure to vote for the next theme. And vote right, dammit. (Don't play dumb, you know what that means.)

Since i stumbled upon and watched The Bridges of Madison County over the weekend (and subsequently cried my eyes out), i shall steal good year-end quote from Clint Eastwood. It's nothing earth-shattering, but i kind of like my earths unshattered every once in a while: "Things change. They always do, it's one of the things of nature. Most people are afraid of change, but if you look at it as something you can always count on, then it can be a comfort."

Featured logo

So I was contacted by Rudolf Horvath back in early May about featuring my logo on http://www.logorevue.sk/. After eliminating the possibility of this email being a hoax or attempt to add me to someone's spam list, I submitted my logo to Rudolf and low and behold, it was actually featured on their website. Although I was never informed as to why my logo was selected I would like to take the time to thank Rudolf for subtly inflating my ego.

the further dominance of the ponies

Just a note to assure you that the Pretty Pink Ponies closed out the Fantasy Football season in third place with a 6-6-1 record. Who was in fourth place? Oh that would be Josh's team, which i bested by 30 points in the final matchup. Special thanks are due to DeAngelo Williams for his stellar performance against the Giants. Extremely begrudged and not-at-heartfetlt congratulations to Danny for winning first place, and sincere congrats to Jake for always being a worthy opponent.

fortifido

Despite the many reasons to NOT partake in bottled water, Americans sure love it. And despite the current economic.... situation, we are a ridiculously wealthy group of people. You know how i know? i have a dog. No, it's not a non-sequiter, pet-ownership gives you a view into a very unique behavior of human kind, especially 1st world, Western behavior and what kind of markets and spending that creates. Por ejemplo, Penny got some cookies for Christmas. They're dog treats, but they look like cookies. Now, introduce me to a dog who will say 'oh! wonderful! they look just like little Snickerdoodles!' Or, for that matter, think about dog treats shaped and colored to look like T-bones. Unless your dog spends alot of time looking at and eating raw cuts of beef, i don't think even the smartest canine makes the connection when you hold out an inch-sized treat and say 'siiiiiiiiiit.' There's no association for the dog between the human-food representation and the shape and color of the treat. Thus, these products are solely for the human to enjoy giving. A cookie-shaped treat is more fun for you to give because YOU enjoy eating cookies more than you enjoy eating odd, brownish nuggets, so it's like an extra treaty treat for Fido and that makes you a better Alpha. Humans are funny like that. What's less funny and more disturbing is when we create, package, market and SELL this kind of BS:

It's bottled water, FOR YOUR DOG. This is the same dog who barks at his own farts, eats rope for fun, tries to stick her head through a closed doggie door...TWICE, is scared of wrapping paper, and a billion other odd/unintelligent/vile/goony things canines do. REALLY. There are four flavors of this stuff: peanut butter, parsley, lemongrass and spearmint. Penny loves anything peanut butter, most dogs do, but lemongrass? seriously? spearmint? Your dog isn't going to take a few sips and turn and tell you 'wow, that's really refreshing with the mint, thank you Alan. We should try some with fresh raspberries too.' The premise of course is that this water is fortified with nutrients and vitamins your dog needs for a healthy life. To that i say BUY BETTER DOG FOOD. Or, you know, BUY VITAMINS FROM YOUR VET. They're probably alot more effective than the (literally) watered down version that a dog Penny's size would need 2 quarts of every day. (that's 2 bottles of Fortifido. Every. Day. (all bottles sold seperately)) The spearmint flavor also acts as a breath freshener, but i doubt it would take very many tongue baths around the ol' dog-gina to cancel out that benefit.
Cookies and t-bones: weird, but whatever. 1 box lasts several months, you recycle or re-use it when you're done and that's that. 2 plastic bottles of water a day so your dog can get vitamins it should be getting from its food or its doctor? Excessive, and evidence of a society with its priorities on ass backwards.

black Ducks, veggie burrito

Today i met Ashley for lunch at Chipotle. While we were there, a group of black men arrived. i don't know how much you know about Redding, but it's a very ...pale town. These men were all wearing University of Oregon apparel. Those of us in the semi-pacific northwest and who are married to football fans are knowledgeable of the famous U of O Fighting Ducks. Enthused by my knowledge, and that lil old Redding made it on these Ducks' list of 'places to stop and pee and grab a bite to eat', i composed a text message to Josh: "Ducks in Chipotle!" then i realized that the message didn't properly communicate that these were U of O Fighting Ducks, and not waterfowl who'd lost their way. i edited: "There were black Ducks in Chipotle!" He responded in a way that utterly typifies him and his attitude toward my enthusiasms: "Black? i'm meeting John at In N Out." Soooo very 'Josh' of him. 'The Wife is being weird. Respond wittily and move on.'

cake wrecks

Oh, the magic of the interweb. A place where someone can have a blog dedicated to a single oddball subject and people all over the planet will send them material. Such is the premise of "Cake Wrecks: When professional cakes go horribly, hilariously wrong." It just like it sounds: pictures and posts about professionally decorated cakes (usually of the grocery store variety) with such marvels as "Congratulations Keith & (bride) Barron!" or the person who requested a 'Somewhere Over The Rainbow' cake for their Wizard of Oz party and got a cake with a rainbow and the word 'somewheres' scrawled on top. This gem is supposed to represent the Texas Longhorns:
...but looks more like a tobacco enthusiast's heart dangling from a rope of poo. There are other cakes with Santas with their hands on backwards, a dinosaur scene with skeletons and the lone inscription 'Greg!', horribly unappetizing monkeys with ill-placed tails, and some terrifying turkeys. Funny stuff- makes me want to take a camera to the grocery store just to see what i can find.

texties

(i'll just give you a minute to be uncomfortable with that word)

In case you're new: when my text inbox gets full i put all the choicest ones on here for you to giggle at and ponder the contexts of the conversation....assuming there was one.

-I'm watching Wheel of Fortune and i think Pat Sayjack might be drunk.

-mom made me vacuum. i told her that u luvd 2 vacuum w/a dyson and that we should let u do it when u arrived. she didn't go for it.

-Have you noticed that the the little icon on Obama's posters kinda looks like a patriotic pokimon ball?

-Yes, i'm particularly interested in how it ended up in Wisconsin...

-I'm going to a Passion Party for my sister in law tonight. If you don't know, it's like a tupperware party for sex toys. I'm going with my in laws.
---How do you pick out an outfit for that?

-I was wondering what name you'd give me this time...I imagined your reply, 'oh blow fish...' or 'silly lizard...' :) thanks pussy willow.

-(p.s. It's true. My good looks have 'gayed' many a man.)

-May need then for shooting before then.

-COACH FRACKING TAYLOR in all his majestic hair-flying glory. i luuuurve him.

-Very. I almost fell asleep and started making out with my chair.

-no one else would appreciate my loose seal costume.

-I love you though. And my mama.

-Corn corn corn maze.

-Just drove by swiftly stillwater - on my way to Good Times Pizza bitches!!!

-Yeah i'm at a restaurant and i don't have a pumpkin...

-we just saw approx 30 geese walking in single file along the side of the highway

-i told tam they were real and so far she believes me.

-Can I steal Josh's klepto costume idea? What did he do to pull it off? (i don't think she had any idea how punny this message was)

-We had our first Mormons on saturday :) he said he had lit. about 'what is truth' so i said 'we attend the naz church, so we're good on that front'
---He mumbled something & started to back away. Poor little acne faced asain mormon boy was at a loss for words

-Amz saw Deathcab and Neil Young last night- well most of Neil, until she got kicked out for throwing a cup at someone.

-Wanna watch Cloverfield at our place?
---It won't be so shakey on a small screen.

-no it wont. it will still be stupid.

-Happy 95 thesis day!!!

-Did you say the f word?

-What is the range of your set of bells?

-We were shopping for a cage for moonshine or something.

-What's hootie's real name? i think he's a country singer now.

-I tried the bar of soap last night. Slept pretty well!

-Thanks Bazooma Bunny.

-I tricked a girl into being my girlfriend.

-Story for you. Today I was rummaging thru a cluttered drawer at work and saw a lone green skittle at the bottom of the drawer. i though, "yum a treat for me". i went to grab it and realized it was the plastic end of a small screw driver. I am sad.

-no. shut up i hate you.

-Ok rad. Drinking with my momma. Wohooooo

-Dude. What's up with your blog?

-That's gonna come back to haunt him.

-3629 Hildale Ave

-Write it down this time please! 3629 Hildale Ave

-So you know who serviced you.

-And josh is a party poop hat

-FYI Lyn is in a muppet Xmas sing along coma right now.

-Tina is bringing a panda film.

-She still has to fly to AZ to sick it up.

-Did Turkey-clause bring you anything good?

-Rhinestone cowboy! WHAT TIME?

-Oh i had a crazy night with stuff once. Or twice.