Winter and Jason came last week and spent TWO nights with us! We had a ball AND a blast- did some wine tasting, toured Elk Grove ("on your right you'll see a housing development and a strip mall, and on your left is a strip mall and a housing development. Next we'll show you the newest strip mall and housing development, followed by the contructions sites for 3 more strip malls and a half- finished housing development!!") and generally made merriness.
We had super Christmases, spending The Eve w/the Redding clan and The Day at Big Red's house in Lodi. We had chicken and dumplings and played Phase 10 whilst all the teeny-bopping cousins swapped covers for their new iPod Nanos. Oh, to be 11 years old again....all our gifts rawked- i got spiffy new clothes and shoes, books, art supplies, seasons 1-4 of The Office (BBC) AND A SEWING MACHINE! Josh got a peacoat and some new shirts (thank Jebus), a laser level, poker chips, AND A VIDEO iPOD! We are mucho excited to play with our new toys. i told Josh he needed to build a 2nd bedroom onto our apt so i could have a sewing room, but i don't think our lease works like that. Plus the whole being on the 2nd floor thing would make it a bit tricky.
We both have this week off work, so it's fun to sleep in and hang out all day together. Winter and J are coming back through on Thursday, then we're going back up to Redding for some more partying and to celebrate Jesse's birthday, since we were crunched for time on our last visit.
Today we had lunch with Robyn, Gary and Kallie since it's Robyn's 49th birthday again. We got her a gift card to J. Jill, which hopefully means a Markle family trip to the Roseville Galleria in the near future.
Now for the long, long stretch of Nothing until we can't stand it anymore and drive ourselves to SD for sanity's sake. Thankfully we'll both be fairly busy at work so it should go not-too-slow. The sewing machine will help! Scrunchies and placemats for EVERYONE!
December 27, 2005
December 23, 2005
Close Call
Cosmo's inner pryo got the best of him this afternoon and he was minutes away from being renamed Mr. Bigglesworth. i came into the bathroom to find him sitting next to the candles with chunks of black char all over the end of his magnificent tail. The dork set himself on fire then kept sitting next to the flames! i spent the next 20 minutes chasing him around the bathroom with the scissors, trying to cut out all the char. The smell was not pleasant. i took pix but they're not working right now so maybe i'll re-post them later. HAHA! he just climbed up on my lap and i'm noticing that his left eye whiskers are significantly shorter than the right. i pity the people with smart, boring pets.
TOP 5 CHRISTMAS TREATS
Anything can be a treat/snack if you eat it at odd hours....which i hear is really good, nutritionally.
- Tiny chocolates shaped like bottles with 'holiday spirits' inside.
- Pumpkin pie
- Mint-chocolate candy canes
- Glog
- Yams with marshmallows on 'em
- Tiny chocolates shaped like bottles with 'holiday spirits' inside.
- Pumpkin pie
- Mint-chocolate candy canes
- Glog
- Yams with marshmallows on 'em
December 19, 2005
Excellent
Mr. Burns, Willy Wonka, and Bruce Wayne all featured in Forbes' 15 Wealthiest Fictional Characters.
No. 5: Burns, Charles Montgomery
Net worth: $8.4 billion
Source: Energy
Age: 104
Marital status: Single, one bastard child
Hometown: Springfield, U.S.A.
Education: Yale University, B.S.
Owner and operator of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant for more than 50 years; also water works and a hotel on Baltic Avenue. Saved millions by canceling company's prescription drug plan, but reinstated same after assistant Smithers' thyroid condition brought him to the brink of death. Bought the Frank Gehry-designed Springfield Concert Hall from the city and turned it into a prison. Struggling Monty Burns Casino chain purchased this year by MGM Mirage for $2.1 billion. Has every disease known to man, and survives only because they perfectly counteract one another, an extremely rare medical condition known as "Three Stooges Syndrome." Credits longevity to Satan. Member since 1989.
No. 5: Burns, Charles Montgomery
Net worth: $8.4 billion
Source: Energy
Age: 104
Marital status: Single, one bastard child
Hometown: Springfield, U.S.A.
Education: Yale University, B.S.
Owner and operator of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant for more than 50 years; also water works and a hotel on Baltic Avenue. Saved millions by canceling company's prescription drug plan, but reinstated same after assistant Smithers' thyroid condition brought him to the brink of death. Bought the Frank Gehry-designed Springfield Concert Hall from the city and turned it into a prison. Struggling Monty Burns Casino chain purchased this year by MGM Mirage for $2.1 billion. Has every disease known to man, and survives only because they perfectly counteract one another, an extremely rare medical condition known as "Three Stooges Syndrome." Credits longevity to Satan. Member since 1989.
Holidays, Hymnals, Opposable-Thumbed Cats
John Herman pointed out that the word 'holiday' is translated from the phrase 'holy day' and is therefore just as appropriate to use as 'Merry Christmas', so for crying out loud, can we stop all the hissy-fits?
In other news, we helped the youth group with their Holiday Party, and were grieved to see that for the $5 gift exchange, about 50% of the students brought Starbucks gift cards. And when it came for 'Yankee Swap' that was all anybody wanted. These are the same disillusioned youngsters that looked at me like i had a unicorn horn growing out the side of my neck when i used the word 'hymnal' in a study meeting last month. i heard crickets chirping, saw a tumbleweed, then one of them finally said 'What's a hymnal???' Kids these days.
Not much else is going on, Cosmo got mad at Josh for hanging a picture frame on his favorite blank wall. (It was the wall where he first made friends with a fly.) He has learned to open closed doors using the technique of standing on his hind legs and jumping and beating the door handle senseless until it unlatches itself out of sheer frustration. This is particularly fun when it happens to our bedroom door handle in the middle of the night. He made such a racket i woke up and thought we were being robbed/mutilated/you name it. Then i realized a robber wouldn't have such a hard time opening an unlocked door, and probably wouldn't be meowing at it anyway. Last night Josh covered the handle in double-stick tape, which seemed to work. Apparently cats don't like sticky all over their paws. Today he spent the entire morning standing in the bathtub and staring at a shower tile. (There wasn't so much as a water spot there, i checked twice.) i'm almost finished with all the Christmas gift-wrapping, not that there's much paper left that hasn't been tackled, chewed or smothered, so it will be nice when i don't have to fight that battle multiple times a night. He did get 'normal' enough to play fetch with me last night, and what's more endearing than a cat who acts like a dog?
In other news, we helped the youth group with their Holiday Party, and were grieved to see that for the $5 gift exchange, about 50% of the students brought Starbucks gift cards. And when it came for 'Yankee Swap' that was all anybody wanted. These are the same disillusioned youngsters that looked at me like i had a unicorn horn growing out the side of my neck when i used the word 'hymnal' in a study meeting last month. i heard crickets chirping, saw a tumbleweed, then one of them finally said 'What's a hymnal???' Kids these days.
Not much else is going on, Cosmo got mad at Josh for hanging a picture frame on his favorite blank wall. (It was the wall where he first made friends with a fly.) He has learned to open closed doors using the technique of standing on his hind legs and jumping and beating the door handle senseless until it unlatches itself out of sheer frustration. This is particularly fun when it happens to our bedroom door handle in the middle of the night. He made such a racket i woke up and thought we were being robbed/mutilated/you name it. Then i realized a robber wouldn't have such a hard time opening an unlocked door, and probably wouldn't be meowing at it anyway. Last night Josh covered the handle in double-stick tape, which seemed to work. Apparently cats don't like sticky all over their paws. Today he spent the entire morning standing in the bathtub and staring at a shower tile. (There wasn't so much as a water spot there, i checked twice.) i'm almost finished with all the Christmas gift-wrapping, not that there's much paper left that hasn't been tackled, chewed or smothered, so it will be nice when i don't have to fight that battle multiple times a night. He did get 'normal' enough to play fetch with me last night, and what's more endearing than a cat who acts like a dog?
December 16, 2005
TOP 5 CHRISTMAS BUMMERS
Don't get me wrong, i heart Christmas big-time, but i think we can all agree that there are some downfalls to it::::
The terrible, horrible, no good, very bad music. For me, it's the song 'Last Christmas I Gave U My Heart'. Hearing it makes me want to pour hydrochloric acid into my ears.
Yuletide predators. i've been hearing stories about the rising # of Christmas-y thefts, like stealing the Frosty off a person's lawn. My coworker's big stone planter and accompanying poinsetta got snatched off her front step!
The inevitable post-holiday blues, when you realize you won't get anymore paid days off or get to see your friends and family for MONTHS.
Parking and errand-running becomes a nightmare. i think that thru-out December, retailers should reserve a row of parking and a cash register line for non-holiday consumers. No waiting for someone to get 14 cans of cashews wrapped or 9 different gift receipts printed. It could be like the Express or Cash Only lines at Safeway, only it will be Scrooge Parking and Jehovah's Witness Register Line. If people abuse these features, a rent-a-cop will confiscate their purchases and give them to the poor. Yes. I'M A GENIUS.
Seasonal employees, God bless 'em. The one at Eddie Bauer gave me a box with no lid, the one at Borders gave Josh flack about his Bebe shirt (it was actually BebO, as in Norman), and the rest are more in the way than helpful. They're kind of cute though, in their cluelessness. ("Hello! And welcome! To Juice It Up!")
How 'bout it? Did i miss anything? Is there a song that's worse than 'Last Christmas'?
The terrible, horrible, no good, very bad music. For me, it's the song 'Last Christmas I Gave U My Heart'. Hearing it makes me want to pour hydrochloric acid into my ears.
Yuletide predators. i've been hearing stories about the rising # of Christmas-y thefts, like stealing the Frosty off a person's lawn. My coworker's big stone planter and accompanying poinsetta got snatched off her front step!
The inevitable post-holiday blues, when you realize you won't get anymore paid days off or get to see your friends and family for MONTHS.
Parking and errand-running becomes a nightmare. i think that thru-out December, retailers should reserve a row of parking and a cash register line for non-holiday consumers. No waiting for someone to get 14 cans of cashews wrapped or 9 different gift receipts printed. It could be like the Express or Cash Only lines at Safeway, only it will be Scrooge Parking and Jehovah's Witness Register Line. If people abuse these features, a rent-a-cop will confiscate their purchases and give them to the poor. Yes. I'M A GENIUS.
Seasonal employees, God bless 'em. The one at Eddie Bauer gave me a box with no lid, the one at Borders gave Josh flack about his Bebe shirt (it was actually BebO, as in Norman), and the rest are more in the way than helpful. They're kind of cute though, in their cluelessness. ("Hello! And welcome! To Juice It Up!")
How 'bout it? Did i miss anything? Is there a song that's worse than 'Last Christmas'?
Movie Review: Millions
British movie with British actors. Directed by Danny Boyle (Trainspotting, 28 Days Later).
RENT. THIS. MOVIE. NOW. It's fan-freaking-tastic. Premise: Father and two sons move to a shiny new house / shiny new community / shiny new school (Elk Grove, much?). Mum's dead. 7 year old Damian likes to read about martyrs and saints and 'sees' and 'talks' to them like imaginary friends. Very cool cgi-y stuff with halos. Anyway, Damian is sitting in his box-fort by the RR tracks talking w/a saint when a big bag of $$$ comes out of nowhere. Being the believer he is (wouldn't you if you had conversations with Francis of Assisi?), Damian thinks the money is from God, so he wants to give it to the poor. His older brother Anthony has different ideas. All this takes place in December 2001, days away from the currency change-over from pounds to euros, so they have to spend/give the money ASAP. Sharing with the poor proves harder than it seems for Damian, and a scary guy shows up looking for his stolen bag of cash.
It was one of the best movies i've seen in a while. The conversation between Damian and St. Peter about Christ's loaves and fishes 'miracle' is enough reason to watch in and of itself. Don't expect just a warm-fuzzies flick about a kid who likes poor people- it's a very well shot, imaginative, sad, creepy, and funny film. It's also on my Christmas list in case you're wondering. i not only highly recommend it, i require it. 5 OUT OF 5 FRECKLES.
RENT. THIS. MOVIE. NOW. It's fan-freaking-tastic. Premise: Father and two sons move to a shiny new house / shiny new community / shiny new school (Elk Grove, much?). Mum's dead. 7 year old Damian likes to read about martyrs and saints and 'sees' and 'talks' to them like imaginary friends. Very cool cgi-y stuff with halos. Anyway, Damian is sitting in his box-fort by the RR tracks talking w/a saint when a big bag of $$$ comes out of nowhere. Being the believer he is (wouldn't you if you had conversations with Francis of Assisi?), Damian thinks the money is from God, so he wants to give it to the poor. His older brother Anthony has different ideas. All this takes place in December 2001, days away from the currency change-over from pounds to euros, so they have to spend/give the money ASAP. Sharing with the poor proves harder than it seems for Damian, and a scary guy shows up looking for his stolen bag of cash.
It was one of the best movies i've seen in a while. The conversation between Damian and St. Peter about Christ's loaves and fishes 'miracle' is enough reason to watch in and of itself. Don't expect just a warm-fuzzies flick about a kid who likes poor people- it's a very well shot, imaginative, sad, creepy, and funny film. It's also on my Christmas list in case you're wondering. i not only highly recommend it, i require it. 5 OUT OF 5 FRECKLES.
December 14, 2005
Best Week Ever Award Winner
Korina (Kennedy) Buhler is having the best week ever! Not only is she a college grad as of 3 o'clock Thursday, she was just offered a fancy San Francisco public relations job with the Zeno Group. Good for you, Weena! You deserve it!
December 12, 2005
This is why i use gift bags.
Within 60 seconds of rolling out some wrapping paper there's always a cat smack dab in the middle of it. It's not just about his strategic placement either- he obviously sees the wrapping paper as competition for our attention, and with no opposable thumbs, it's up to his jaws to do the annihilating.
Weekend Wonderboredom
Friday: Global Wine Group holiday party. Now, according to Josh, this was going to involve his bosses getting blasted and some accompanying mayhem of fictional-comic proportions. i had visions of lamp-shade hats dancing in my head. i got a fun new black dress to wear and prepared myself for the worst...or the best...depending on your perspective. Alas. It was a very tame evening, no 50-year-olds table dancing, photocopied fannies, or vino keg stands. The only scandal was a coworker teasing Josh about his high-school wife. Yeah. i think it was supposed to mean 'Darn. Your wife is young and hot and mine's not...' but i'd rather not be referred to as 'high school', especially when i got all dressed up for the occasion. Blame Bacchus i guess. Anyway, everyone Josh works with thinks he pretty much walks on water, so it's nice to see him doted on. Next time, though, i'll be more insistant on some lamp shades.
Saturday- We compiled stockings for the children who live at Meadows Depot. A lone youth grouper helped (big ups to Bethany!) and we managed to accidentally steal a shopping basket from the Dollar Tree. We wandered out to Lodi for dinner w/Adam, Nicole, Claire & Thomas where we got to play the fishing game, watch 'Eyeore's Birthday' and enjoyed watching some top quality Child Ceaselessy Spinning In Circles.
Sunday meant getting my new DRB cd in the mail (yipee!!), being bored out of mind after i finished my re-reading of Memoirs of a Geisha and ultimately ending up at Chris and Kallie's to meet their new kitty, Scotty, who is all white with pink accents (nose, ears, toes, tongue).
Saturday- We compiled stockings for the children who live at Meadows Depot. A lone youth grouper helped (big ups to Bethany!) and we managed to accidentally steal a shopping basket from the Dollar Tree. We wandered out to Lodi for dinner w/Adam, Nicole, Claire & Thomas where we got to play the fishing game, watch 'Eyeore's Birthday' and enjoyed watching some top quality Child Ceaselessy Spinning In Circles.
Sunday meant getting my new DRB cd in the mail (yipee!!), being bored out of mind after i finished my re-reading of Memoirs of a Geisha and ultimately ending up at Chris and Kallie's to meet their new kitty, Scotty, who is all white with pink accents (nose, ears, toes, tongue).
December 09, 2005
My Top 5 Favorite Christmas Songs
(i was in my 20s before i realized that the song I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus referred to the child's parents, not his adulterous mother and an opportunistic Santa. So for a long time i thought the song was rather scandalous.)
Come All Ye Faithful....as performed by the Blind Boys. Ever since hearing it sung in a multi-congregational service at Mid City in the different languages i haven't been able to get through it without choking up.
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas....great lyrics. Christina Aguilera has a good version. (don't judge me, the girl can sing and you know it)
Christmas Song....Dave Matthews Band (on the Maybe This Christmas Too album) Dave & Co. doing what they do best.
Carol of the Bells......especially performed only by voices, cool stuff. i could listen on repeat for 8 hours.
O Come, O Come Emmanuel....nice and haunting, like all church music should be :P Good lyrics, too.
What's your favorite Christmas song or version of a song?
Come All Ye Faithful....as performed by the Blind Boys. Ever since hearing it sung in a multi-congregational service at Mid City in the different languages i haven't been able to get through it without choking up.
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas....great lyrics. Christina Aguilera has a good version. (don't judge me, the girl can sing and you know it)
Christmas Song....Dave Matthews Band (on the Maybe This Christmas Too album) Dave & Co. doing what they do best.
Carol of the Bells......especially performed only by voices, cool stuff. i could listen on repeat for 8 hours.
O Come, O Come Emmanuel....nice and haunting, like all church music should be :P Good lyrics, too.
What's your favorite Christmas song or version of a song?
December 08, 2005
God bless the small business.
In my 'order summary' email...
"Kallie - Thanks for your order with CD Baby! Your CDs have been gently taken from our CD Baby shelves with sterilized contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow.
A team of 50 employees inspected your CDs and polished them to make sure they were in the best possible condition before mailing.
Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell over the crowd as he put your CDs into the finest gold-lined box that money can buy.
We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole party marched down the street to the post office where the entire town of Portland waved 'Bon Voyage!' to your package, on its way to you, in our private CD Baby jet on this day, Thursday, December 8th.
I hope you had a wonderful time shopping at CD Baby. We sure did. Your picture is on our wall as "Customer of the Year". We're all exhausted but can't wait for you to come back to CDBABY.COM!!"
Beat that, Amazon.
"Kallie - Thanks for your order with CD Baby! Your CDs have been gently taken from our CD Baby shelves with sterilized contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow.
A team of 50 employees inspected your CDs and polished them to make sure they were in the best possible condition before mailing.
Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell over the crowd as he put your CDs into the finest gold-lined box that money can buy.
We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole party marched down the street to the post office where the entire town of Portland waved 'Bon Voyage!' to your package, on its way to you, in our private CD Baby jet on this day, Thursday, December 8th.
I hope you had a wonderful time shopping at CD Baby. We sure did. Your picture is on our wall as "Customer of the Year". We're all exhausted but can't wait for you to come back to CDBABY.COM!!"
Beat that, Amazon.
Stay classy, Planned Parenthood
Planned Parenthood Brings Back "Choice on Earth" Cards
Washington, DC (LifeNews.com) -- Planned Parenthood has brought back its "Choice on Earth" Christmas cards, turning a holiday celebrating Christ's birth into a fundraising opportunity to support abortion.
In an email Thursday encouraging its members to "send a holiday gift with real meaning" Planned Parenthood tells potential donors they can choose from one of five "Choice on Earth" Christmas cards.
The abortion business hopes donors will make a contribution in honor of a friend or relative and send them a pro-abortion Christmas card as an acknowledgment.
The cards come in five varieties this year and four feature the message "Choice on Earth." One includes the dove symbolizing peace and another extols the virtues of "hope, justice, and empowerment."
Washington, DC (LifeNews.com) -- Planned Parenthood has brought back its "Choice on Earth" Christmas cards, turning a holiday celebrating Christ's birth into a fundraising opportunity to support abortion.
In an email Thursday encouraging its members to "send a holiday gift with real meaning" Planned Parenthood tells potential donors they can choose from one of five "Choice on Earth" Christmas cards.
The abortion business hopes donors will make a contribution in honor of a friend or relative and send them a pro-abortion Christmas card as an acknowledgment.
The cards come in five varieties this year and four feature the message "Choice on Earth." One includes the dove symbolizing peace and another extols the virtues of "hope, justice, and empowerment."
December 07, 2005
My precious....
For those of us who don't live in San Diego and can't stock up on new albums at one of the Derren Raser Band's shows... buy it here. There's also a good article that captures Derren in all his glory.
December 03, 2005
Movie Review: Kingdom of Heaven
Starring Orlando Bloom, Liam Neeson, Jeremy Irons
This movie was directed by Ridley Scott, who makes epic, violent, visually stunning films like Gladiator and Black Hawk Down. Although battle scenes aren't my favorite, i really like his style, and this was no exception.
The story takes place 100 years after Christians crusaded in Jerusalem and slaughtered all the Muslims in the name of God. Now Jerusalem is in the hands of the Christian King Baldwin, who wears an eerie mask b/c he's a leper and who turns out to be my boyfriend. Baldwin allows all religions in Jerusalem, but Muslim King Saladin is waiting just outside for him to slip up and smack around the Muslims. Of course, some bad guys do, against the orders of Baldwin, who punishes them by making them kiss his lepery hand (very ew).
Orlando plays Balian, a humble blacksmith waiting around for Captain Jack Sparrow when Liam Neeson (Godfrey)
shows up and does the whole 'Hey, we haven't met, but... i'm your father!' thing and invites him to join them on their journey to Jerusalem. Godfrey is a knight and baron of Somewhere and is one of the few people on Baldwin's side. On their way, Godfrey dies and passes on everything to Balian, knighting him. Once in J-ru, everyone Balian meets is like 'Oh you must be Godfrey's kid! you look just like him.' Now, i don't have the best vision, but Orlando Bloom as a xerox of Liam Neeson? Not so much.
Anyway, once Saladin justifiably invades and kills all the Christians and Jeremy Irons is like 'this sucks, i'm going to Galilee,' Balian is left to defend Jerusalem. Since he has lost his faith, he decides to defend The People, because The City means nothing to him.
It got confusing at times, i had to turn on the subtitles just to help me figure out what the heck was going on. All in all it's an interesting look at faith, tolerance, and using the Christian card to justify wars and the killing of innocent people. Hm.
It's well acted: Orlando is a silent type who gets thrust into a situation and handles it the only way he knows how. The film keeps the inspirational battlefield speeches to a minimum, which was nice cuz that gets old (ahem Peter Jackson). Liam is Liam, which is a good thing, and it was nice to see Jeremy Irons, complete with a cool scar. There is also a good supporting cast of unknowns. i recommend it and give it 4.3 out of 5 leper fingers.
This movie was directed by Ridley Scott, who makes epic, violent, visually stunning films like Gladiator and Black Hawk Down. Although battle scenes aren't my favorite, i really like his style, and this was no exception.
The story takes place 100 years after Christians crusaded in Jerusalem and slaughtered all the Muslims in the name of God. Now Jerusalem is in the hands of the Christian King Baldwin, who wears an eerie mask b/c he's a leper and who turns out to be my boyfriend. Baldwin allows all religions in Jerusalem, but Muslim King Saladin is waiting just outside for him to slip up and smack around the Muslims. Of course, some bad guys do, against the orders of Baldwin, who punishes them by making them kiss his lepery hand (very ew).
Orlando plays Balian, a humble blacksmith waiting around for Captain Jack Sparrow when Liam Neeson (Godfrey)
shows up and does the whole 'Hey, we haven't met, but... i'm your father!' thing and invites him to join them on their journey to Jerusalem. Godfrey is a knight and baron of Somewhere and is one of the few people on Baldwin's side. On their way, Godfrey dies and passes on everything to Balian, knighting him. Once in J-ru, everyone Balian meets is like 'Oh you must be Godfrey's kid! you look just like him.' Now, i don't have the best vision, but Orlando Bloom as a xerox of Liam Neeson? Not so much. Anyway, once Saladin justifiably invades and kills all the Christians and Jeremy Irons is like 'this sucks, i'm going to Galilee,' Balian is left to defend Jerusalem. Since he has lost his faith, he decides to defend The People, because The City means nothing to him.
It got confusing at times, i had to turn on the subtitles just to help me figure out what the heck was going on. All in all it's an interesting look at faith, tolerance, and using the Christian card to justify wars and the killing of innocent people. Hm.
It's well acted: Orlando is a silent type who gets thrust into a situation and handles it the only way he knows how. The film keeps the inspirational battlefield speeches to a minimum, which was nice cuz that gets old (ahem Peter Jackson). Liam is Liam, which is a good thing, and it was nice to see Jeremy Irons, complete with a cool scar. There is also a good supporting cast of unknowns. i recommend it and give it 4.3 out of 5 leper fingers.
December 02, 2005
Top 5 Christmas Movies
Tis the season for Christmas themed Top 5 lists. For guidance, i Googled christmas movies, and found a list by askmen.com. They listed Trading Places (the great Dan Akroyd/Eddie Murphy flick) and i thought, 'that's random.' Then i read why they thought it was such a great holiday film: "Jamie Lee Curtis offers a fine dose of nudity and yuletide cheer." Ah yes. Good times watching that movie on Whit's little dvd player on the flight to Chicago, and J.Lee's boobs everywhere so the other passengers probably thought we were lesbo pervs. ....and i have no segue back to Christmas, so here's the list:
Charlie Brown's Christmas-- where we all first learned that scrawny trees can clean up real pretty-like. You know Linus's presentation of Luke's account of Christ's birth gets you a little choked up, don't deny it. Plus, this movie has some fantastic dance sequences.
The Nightmare Before Christmas-- When one kid pulls a shrunken skull out of his stocking.... priceless! There's only so much a person can do with a movie about Christmas, so Tim Burton says 'Eh, i think i'll toss in Halloween too!' and it rawks. The world owes much to Mr. Burton.
Scrooged-- Bill Murray, Carol Kane & a pre-Housewives Alfre Woodard, among others, make this Dickens adaptation downright screwy (in a good way). It covers the spectrum of biting and mean to 'God bless us, every one' without overstepping either line. Plus it's Bill Murray.
Elf-- As if i would make a list like this without Elf!! This movie re-defines 'good clean Christmas fun' and forever changed the way i board escalators. Plus you've got Sonny Corleone in a Santa hat.
A Christmas Story-- Ralphie and that ever-elusive Red Ryder bb gun. TV networks play this movie incessantly for a reason: it's fantastic. Few movies, especially small holiday films, boast as many memorable scenes as this one. The lamp, the slow-motion F word, triple dog dares, evil Santa, the bunny outfit, Ovaltine, going ape on the bully, literally shooting your eye out, and of course, "fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra!"...to name a few.
i know Josh will hit me for not including Chevy Chase's Christmas Vacation (just kidding, Josh doesn't hit me...... that often) (no really, he doesn't hit me!! ...he throws broken beer bottles at me) so i'm giving it an honorable mention, mostly for Aunt Bethany's 'prayer' that sounds an awful lot like the Pledge of Allegiance.
What do you think? Did i miss any? (and don't say Die Hard)
Charlie Brown's Christmas-- where we all first learned that scrawny trees can clean up real pretty-like. You know Linus's presentation of Luke's account of Christ's birth gets you a little choked up, don't deny it. Plus, this movie has some fantastic dance sequences.
The Nightmare Before Christmas-- When one kid pulls a shrunken skull out of his stocking.... priceless! There's only so much a person can do with a movie about Christmas, so Tim Burton says 'Eh, i think i'll toss in Halloween too!' and it rawks. The world owes much to Mr. Burton.
Scrooged-- Bill Murray, Carol Kane & a pre-Housewives Alfre Woodard, among others, make this Dickens adaptation downright screwy (in a good way). It covers the spectrum of biting and mean to 'God bless us, every one' without overstepping either line. Plus it's Bill Murray.
Elf-- As if i would make a list like this without Elf!! This movie re-defines 'good clean Christmas fun' and forever changed the way i board escalators. Plus you've got Sonny Corleone in a Santa hat.
A Christmas Story-- Ralphie and that ever-elusive Red Ryder bb gun. TV networks play this movie incessantly for a reason: it's fantastic. Few movies, especially small holiday films, boast as many memorable scenes as this one. The lamp, the slow-motion F word, triple dog dares, evil Santa, the bunny outfit, Ovaltine, going ape on the bully, literally shooting your eye out, and of course, "fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra!"...to name a few.
i know Josh will hit me for not including Chevy Chase's Christmas Vacation (just kidding, Josh doesn't hit me...... that often) (no really, he doesn't hit me!! ...he throws broken beer bottles at me) so i'm giving it an honorable mention, mostly for Aunt Bethany's 'prayer' that sounds an awful lot like the Pledge of Allegiance.
What do you think? Did i miss any? (and don't say Die Hard)
November 30, 2005
At least more people will boycott WalMart :]
A contact i've made through work has graciously added me to her mass-email list. She assumes that since i'm pro-life i'm also in agreement on all Conservative positions. (b/c apparently one can't be pro-life just b/c it's right) The most recent gem in my inbox was a petition to boycott businesses that aren't using the term 'Christmas' & are substituting it with 'Holidays.' Here's a little exerpt----
"Banning any mention of the word Christmas, Wal-Mart, Kmart & Target are attacking the reason for the season & discriminating against Christians! Your help is needed to keep Christmas rightfully honored in America! Using "Happy holidays!" as their lame politically correct excuse, corporate executives are suddenly in lock step with godless liberals conspiring to eradicate all things Christian. Don't let the chains get away with this anti-Christian bigotry! It is time we defend what has been GIVEN to us by GRACE!"
----i could go for days on what's wrong with all that, but i'll keep it simple: Do we really want Christmas 'rightfully honored' by being plastered all over WalMart? It's 'anti-Christian bigotry' to respect the fact that Jews and other religious groups are peacefully celebrating significant ecclesiastical events this season?? (Apparently they haven't read that part about Judaism and Christianity being cousins, & Christmas is a time for family!) Shouldn't we honor a gift of grace by graciously acknowledging other belief systems, as they continuously endure ours? Getting all worked up about being able to mass-consume under the banner of Christianity is pretty screwy. Maybe that makes me a 'godless liberal,' but at least i'm a tolerant one.
"Banning any mention of the word Christmas, Wal-Mart, Kmart & Target are attacking the reason for the season & discriminating against Christians! Your help is needed to keep Christmas rightfully honored in America! Using "Happy holidays!" as their lame politically correct excuse, corporate executives are suddenly in lock step with godless liberals conspiring to eradicate all things Christian. Don't let the chains get away with this anti-Christian bigotry! It is time we defend what has been GIVEN to us by GRACE!"
----i could go for days on what's wrong with all that, but i'll keep it simple: Do we really want Christmas 'rightfully honored' by being plastered all over WalMart? It's 'anti-Christian bigotry' to respect the fact that Jews and other religious groups are peacefully celebrating significant ecclesiastical events this season?? (Apparently they haven't read that part about Judaism and Christianity being cousins, & Christmas is a time for family!) Shouldn't we honor a gift of grace by graciously acknowledging other belief systems, as they continuously endure ours? Getting all worked up about being able to mass-consume under the banner of Christianity is pretty screwy. Maybe that makes me a 'godless liberal,' but at least i'm a tolerant one.
It was all me
Who says non-profit work doesn't have its perks?
We got hooked up last night, sitting in Row E of the Kings game, under the basket. Those of you who know your alphabet know just how close Row E is to the court & the Kings bench. AND, in a feat that happens too, too rarely, our beloved Kings actually won! Granted, they were playing the now 5-10 Charlotte Bobcats (a team i didn't even know existed), but a w is a w. Bibby was Captain Scoring McBucketPants, draining all of his 3 pointers except 1, which was promptly rebounded to him where he made the exact same shot with no effort. It reminded me of my early NBA days. It was amusing to watch him on the bench, where he would whip out his trusty nail clippers & go to town. Honestly, i don't know how that guy has any fingernails left. Maybe his nails grow at an alarming rate, i hear prenatal vitamins do that to you, & make your hair grow too....which explains why Bibby is bald as all getup. i don't know where i'm going with this.... Anyway, i think tattoos just magically pop out of his skin every 109 minutes; it explains the randomosity of his body art. Francisco Garcia did well, & every time he scored the announcer would say his name all fun, which made me think of when Buddy the Elf whispers 'Francisco' repeatedly in James Caan's office. Which makes a great segue to............ Christmas is coming & i like it.
We got hooked up last night, sitting in Row E of the Kings game, under the basket. Those of you who know your alphabet know just how close Row E is to the court & the Kings bench. AND, in a feat that happens too, too rarely, our beloved Kings actually won! Granted, they were playing the now 5-10 Charlotte Bobcats (a team i didn't even know existed), but a w is a w. Bibby was Captain Scoring McBucketPants, draining all of his 3 pointers except 1, which was promptly rebounded to him where he made the exact same shot with no effort. It reminded me of my early NBA days. It was amusing to watch him on the bench, where he would whip out his trusty nail clippers & go to town. Honestly, i don't know how that guy has any fingernails left. Maybe his nails grow at an alarming rate, i hear prenatal vitamins do that to you, & make your hair grow too....which explains why Bibby is bald as all getup. i don't know where i'm going with this.... Anyway, i think tattoos just magically pop out of his skin every 109 minutes; it explains the randomosity of his body art. Francisco Garcia did well, & every time he scored the announcer would say his name all fun, which made me think of when Buddy the Elf whispers 'Francisco' repeatedly in James Caan's office. Which makes a great segue to............ Christmas is coming & i like it.
November 29, 2005
Movie Reviews
RENT, starring Rosario Dawson, Taye Diggs, & a bunch of Broadway people
If you don't like musicals, i wouldn't suggest this movie. If Moulin Rouge & Chicago were a stretch for you, Rent is not going to change your mind. It's the musicalist musical-turned-film i've seen yet. Thus, if you LIKE musicals, you'll love it. It's dichotomous like that.
i liked (but did not love) this movie. It was well acted & sung, probably because 6/8 of the main cast have been playing these roles for 10 years. It has some really good coreography (dance scene in a moving subway? you bet!) though 'The Tango Maureen' pales dramatically in comparison to the 200 person'Roxanne' tango in Moulin Rouge & Chicago's high energy 'Cell Block Tango.' The love story between Collins & Angel is the best, with Law & Order's Jesse Martin reprising his Broadway role & bringing a sense of appreciation to Angel's funeral scene, which could've easily become just a swamp of grief. Maureen's 'protest' was hilarious & absurd in the live version i saw in San Diego, but on film i think the director wanted people to take it seriously. Not possible & a big mistake. i would've liked more of Taye Diggs (and not just because he's really really ridiculously good looking), he was one of the better actors of the cast & he didn't get to sing enough. All in all it was a movie to appreciate, if not love, for the tremendous amount of talent that was misdirected at times, but nevertheless very present. i give it 3 out of 5 bad 80's costumes.
THE JACKET, starring Adrien Brody, Keira Knightley, & Kris Kristofferson
i haven't even finished watching this movie & i'm already reviewing it. What does that tell you?
Whilst watching last night, i kept thinking that it seemed familiar to me, even tho i'd never seen it before. Then i realized i HAD seen it before, only it was called The Manchurian Candidate, Gothika, & The Butterfly Effect. Adrian Brody (who somehow manages to always be handsome despite that crazy nose) plays Gulf War vet Jack Starks tangled up in Gulf War Syndrome & at the mercy of evil Dr. Kris-kris in a mental ward. Dr. Kris experiments w/him & locks him up in a morgue drawer (pause: the movie should've been called The Drawer, not The Jacket) where Jack is violently confronted with clausterphobia, crazy flashing memories and....the ability to time travel?? Oh dear.
In his Marty McFlying, he meets up with Keira Knightley in the year 2007, who should NEVER attempt an American accent AGAIN. Her interpretation of 'American' is to make her voice unattractively deep, which, in addition to her annoying habit of talking through her teeth, is just a mess. (As one review said, "Maybe in the sequel Jack can go back in time & pick a better co-star.") She's a mean, low-voiced, teeth-talking drunk, and Jack falls in love w/her because she tells him how he dies? Whatever. Summary: Brody's ok, Kris-kris is cool to watch, Keira needs to be drowned by pirates. The giant plot leaps keep me from caring about what Jack's deal is. 2 out 5 crazy noses.
If you don't like musicals, i wouldn't suggest this movie. If Moulin Rouge & Chicago were a stretch for you, Rent is not going to change your mind. It's the musicalist musical-turned-film i've seen yet. Thus, if you LIKE musicals, you'll love it. It's dichotomous like that.
i liked (but did not love) this movie. It was well acted & sung, probably because 6/8 of the main cast have been playing these roles for 10 years. It has some really good coreography (dance scene in a moving subway? you bet!) though 'The Tango Maureen' pales dramatically in comparison to the 200 person'Roxanne' tango in Moulin Rouge & Chicago's high energy 'Cell Block Tango.' The love story between Collins & Angel is the best, with Law & Order's Jesse Martin reprising his Broadway role & bringing a sense of appreciation to Angel's funeral scene, which could've easily become just a swamp of grief. Maureen's 'protest' was hilarious & absurd in the live version i saw in San Diego, but on film i think the director wanted people to take it seriously. Not possible & a big mistake. i would've liked more of Taye Diggs (and not just because he's really really ridiculously good looking), he was one of the better actors of the cast & he didn't get to sing enough. All in all it was a movie to appreciate, if not love, for the tremendous amount of talent that was misdirected at times, but nevertheless very present. i give it 3 out of 5 bad 80's costumes.
THE JACKET, starring Adrien Brody, Keira Knightley, & Kris Kristofferson
i haven't even finished watching this movie & i'm already reviewing it. What does that tell you?
Whilst watching last night, i kept thinking that it seemed familiar to me, even tho i'd never seen it before. Then i realized i HAD seen it before, only it was called The Manchurian Candidate, Gothika, & The Butterfly Effect. Adrian Brody (who somehow manages to always be handsome despite that crazy nose) plays Gulf War vet Jack Starks tangled up in Gulf War Syndrome & at the mercy of evil Dr. Kris-kris in a mental ward. Dr. Kris experiments w/him & locks him up in a morgue drawer (pause: the movie should've been called The Drawer, not The Jacket) where Jack is violently confronted with clausterphobia, crazy flashing memories and....the ability to time travel?? Oh dear.
In his Marty McFlying, he meets up with Keira Knightley in the year 2007, who should NEVER attempt an American accent AGAIN. Her interpretation of 'American' is to make her voice unattractively deep, which, in addition to her annoying habit of talking through her teeth, is just a mess. (As one review said, "Maybe in the sequel Jack can go back in time & pick a better co-star.") She's a mean, low-voiced, teeth-talking drunk, and Jack falls in love w/her because she tells him how he dies? Whatever. Summary: Brody's ok, Kris-kris is cool to watch, Keira needs to be drowned by pirates. The giant plot leaps keep me from caring about what Jack's deal is. 2 out 5 crazy noses.
November 28, 2005
Come
The Advent Season has begun! It's exciting to think that Christ's birthday is less than a month away. Here's to hoping we honor his b-day half as much as we anticipate and celebrate our own and those of our loved ones.
Collect: All-powerful God, increase our strength of will for doing good that Christ may find an eager welcome at his coming and call us to his side in the kingdom of heaven where he lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever.
Collect: All-powerful God, increase our strength of will for doing good that Christ may find an eager welcome at his coming and call us to his side in the kingdom of heaven where he lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever.
November 23, 2005
A coffee maker is a robot.
The Office is tied with about 5 other shows as my Total and Complete Favorite Television Series Ever, and i recently discovered that the ever-hilarious Dwight has a blog! Sample---
Also- think about the way the throat and swallowing works. The epiglotis decides what goes where down the trachea and/or esophogus. But it gets no respect. This tiny flap of skin in your neck decides if something is food or air. The food goes to your tummy. The air goes to your lungs. Without it your food would go straight into your lungs and clog them up. You'd have soup in your lungs. Or a sandwich. Or doritos. Or Fresca. OR you would get air in your tummy and be a big gassy fart bag all the time. All that from the tiny, powerful epiglotis.
In many ways, I am like the epiglotis. Small, unappreciated, not well thought of or respected, but POWERFUL. So powerful that without me you'd have food in your lungs.
Today's topic: "What part of the body are YOU mos tlike?" (and don't say the genitals or the butt)
Also- think about the way the throat and swallowing works. The epiglotis decides what goes where down the trachea and/or esophogus. But it gets no respect. This tiny flap of skin in your neck decides if something is food or air. The food goes to your tummy. The air goes to your lungs. Without it your food would go straight into your lungs and clog them up. You'd have soup in your lungs. Or a sandwich. Or doritos. Or Fresca. OR you would get air in your tummy and be a big gassy fart bag all the time. All that from the tiny, powerful epiglotis.
In many ways, I am like the epiglotis. Small, unappreciated, not well thought of or respected, but POWERFUL. So powerful that without me you'd have food in your lungs.
Today's topic: "What part of the body are YOU mos tlike?" (and don't say the genitals or the butt)
November 21, 2005
14::
the number of cat toys and improvised cat toys (bottle caps, rubber bands, sour Starbursts) that we just found under the oven. The screen door was too big for him to shove under.
Movie Review: Stage Beauty
STAGE BEAUTY:: starring Billy Crudup, Claire Danes, Tom Wilkinson, and Rupert Everett as a straight guy for once....but barely.
i wanted to see this movie b/c once upon a time i saw the play it is based on, and the play is based on actual events from the diary of real-person Samuel Pepys, a social mover and shaker in 1600s England. (remember this play Whit? i know you do and i know why you do...... *evil grin*)
So the premise is this: It's England in the days when women were forbidden to act and all female parts....er, roles, were played by men. (unless you were Gwyneth Paltrow and your Oscar was undeserved. But i digress.) Billy Crudup plays Ned Kenyston, who is famous throughout everywhere for his performances as Ophelia, Juliet, and other lead female roles, including Othello's doomed love, Desdemona. Only this is back when acting was hardly realistic, and playing a woman meant speaking in a high voice and moving your arms weird. When Ned's Desdemona gets smothered by Othello, she simply twirls her wrist like a falling leaf to signify dying. Yeah.
Anyway, he's the shizzle and Claire Danes is his dresser (basically his personal assistant), Mariah. But wait! She's also an outlaw! of sorts- she is illegally playing Desdemona in an underground theater group and getting rave reviews. Truthfully, she is playing Ned playing Desdemona: she's actually not that good of an actress. Ned is secretly sleeping with the theater's benefactor, who is a man, and Mariah is carrying a secret torch for the flaming Ned (HAHA! i'm awesome).
By and by, they all end up at a party thrown by Rupert Everett/King Charles, who has just returned from exile and is bored to death that the theater-going experience is just as lame as when he left it. Charles has a mistress who wants to act, and since Charles is pissed at the appropriate politicos that outlaw females on the stage, he decrees that now women are allowed to act. Ned's pissed- he insists there's no art in women playing women and he refuses to play men for the same reason. Eventually, he insults Charles's mistress, so Charles gets mad and makes another law that only men can play men and only women can play women. This means that Ned's out of a job and Mariah becomes the It Girl. (being The Pioneer makes up for her lack of talent)
She becomes aware of her suckiness and seeks out Ned in his slummy conditions and eventually he comes to help the theater fix their Othello problems. They realize that both of their portrayals of poor Desdemona have been all wrong, so Ned usurps the always-great Tom Wilkinson as Othello for the final scene and plays it realistically- smothering Mariah's Desdemona past the point of stage violence and just short of the the point of actually killing her. Mariah/Desdemona appropriately fights back- no twirling wrist deaths here! In Othello's love and greif for Desdemona, Ned finally finds the bridge between playing a woman and playing a man, and with the scene they usher in a new era of acting. Plus they hook up.
The play was superior, but the movie was better than i thought it would be... and not just because Billy Crudup, when not in Renaissance Drag, is very easy on the eyes. It's an interesting look at gender and sexuality, on who we think we are and who others have told us we are. The acting was good-- the more i see of Claire Danes the more i realize that her acting consists mainly of looking at people and physically responding to what they're saying, and not so much delivering lines herself. This is not to say she's bad, i think she's pretty good, but she's found her money shot and she sticks a little too closely to it. Billy Crudup is very good, especially when trying unsuccessfully to deliver a man's soliloquy; it's a troubling scene to watch. Tom Wilkinson plays a typical Tom Wilkinson role, but unlike Ms. Danes, he seems to make more out of a character than what is written. Rupert Everett does alot with the role he's given, and is hardly recognizable without that great 'i'm Rupert Everett' voice and delivery. i've decided to like him more. HAHA! i just realized that after watching this movie on Saturday, we watched Tootsie on Sunday! Proof that the universe works in circles! Anyway, if anything, this film is a bit of a history lesson and it serves as a reminder of the awesomeness that is Mr. Shakespeare's Othello.
Stage Beauty gets 3.8 out of 5 Smother Pillows. Its playbill predecessor, Compleat Female Stage Beauty, gets 5 out of 5 Unexpected Full Frontals. (ask Whit)
i wanted to see this movie b/c once upon a time i saw the play it is based on, and the play is based on actual events from the diary of real-person Samuel Pepys, a social mover and shaker in 1600s England. (remember this play Whit? i know you do and i know why you do...... *evil grin*)
So the premise is this: It's England in the days when women were forbidden to act and all female parts....er, roles, were played by men. (unless you were Gwyneth Paltrow and your Oscar was undeserved. But i digress.) Billy Crudup plays Ned Kenyston, who is famous throughout everywhere for his performances as Ophelia, Juliet, and other lead female roles, including Othello's doomed love, Desdemona. Only this is back when acting was hardly realistic, and playing a woman meant speaking in a high voice and moving your arms weird. When Ned's Desdemona gets smothered by Othello, she simply twirls her wrist like a falling leaf to signify dying. Yeah.
Anyway, he's the shizzle and Claire Danes is his dresser (basically his personal assistant), Mariah. But wait! She's also an outlaw! of sorts- she is illegally playing Desdemona in an underground theater group and getting rave reviews. Truthfully, she is playing Ned playing Desdemona: she's actually not that good of an actress. Ned is secretly sleeping with the theater's benefactor, who is a man, and Mariah is carrying a secret torch for the flaming Ned (HAHA! i'm awesome).
By and by, they all end up at a party thrown by Rupert Everett/King Charles, who has just returned from exile and is bored to death that the theater-going experience is just as lame as when he left it. Charles has a mistress who wants to act, and since Charles is pissed at the appropriate politicos that outlaw females on the stage, he decrees that now women are allowed to act. Ned's pissed- he insists there's no art in women playing women and he refuses to play men for the same reason. Eventually, he insults Charles's mistress, so Charles gets mad and makes another law that only men can play men and only women can play women. This means that Ned's out of a job and Mariah becomes the It Girl. (being The Pioneer makes up for her lack of talent)
She becomes aware of her suckiness and seeks out Ned in his slummy conditions and eventually he comes to help the theater fix their Othello problems. They realize that both of their portrayals of poor Desdemona have been all wrong, so Ned usurps the always-great Tom Wilkinson as Othello for the final scene and plays it realistically- smothering Mariah's Desdemona past the point of stage violence and just short of the the point of actually killing her. Mariah/Desdemona appropriately fights back- no twirling wrist deaths here! In Othello's love and greif for Desdemona, Ned finally finds the bridge between playing a woman and playing a man, and with the scene they usher in a new era of acting. Plus they hook up.
The play was superior, but the movie was better than i thought it would be... and not just because Billy Crudup, when not in Renaissance Drag, is very easy on the eyes. It's an interesting look at gender and sexuality, on who we think we are and who others have told us we are. The acting was good-- the more i see of Claire Danes the more i realize that her acting consists mainly of looking at people and physically responding to what they're saying, and not so much delivering lines herself. This is not to say she's bad, i think she's pretty good, but she's found her money shot and she sticks a little too closely to it. Billy Crudup is very good, especially when trying unsuccessfully to deliver a man's soliloquy; it's a troubling scene to watch. Tom Wilkinson plays a typical Tom Wilkinson role, but unlike Ms. Danes, he seems to make more out of a character than what is written. Rupert Everett does alot with the role he's given, and is hardly recognizable without that great 'i'm Rupert Everett' voice and delivery. i've decided to like him more. HAHA! i just realized that after watching this movie on Saturday, we watched Tootsie on Sunday! Proof that the universe works in circles! Anyway, if anything, this film is a bit of a history lesson and it serves as a reminder of the awesomeness that is Mr. Shakespeare's Othello.
Stage Beauty gets 3.8 out of 5 Smother Pillows. Its playbill predecessor, Compleat Female Stage Beauty, gets 5 out of 5 Unexpected Full Frontals. (ask Whit)
November 18, 2005
Glory Indeed
From E!Online-- "Talk about your all-star comedy teams. Seriously funny comedians Will Ferrell, Jon Heder, Will Arnett and Amy Poehler kick up their heels in Blades of Glory. The story centers on two male figure skaters (Ferrell and Heder) who are banned from the sport only to return as pair competitors to face their bitter rivals (Arnett and Poehler). Ben Stiller produces the flick."
TOP 5 SIMPSONS EPISODES
Whenever i think i'm running out of Top 5 topics, i think of the Simpsons, then i realize that i'm being a weenie in light of their longevity. Given that there's more than 330 episodes out there, i'm sure there will be future Simpsons lists, Top 5 Ralph Quotes, Top 5 Guest Stars, Top 5 Treehouses of Horror, etc. Here's my list of best all-around episodes, feel free to share your favorites.
"Das Bus" (the 'Lord of the Flies' episode) which is initiated by Bart and Nelson 'racing' an apple and orange down the aisle of the school bus. Ralph tosses a non-rolling banana down to join the race: "Go banana!!" Fast forward to Ralph's "I eated the purple berries!.....It tastes like burning" and you've got 2 of many reasons this episode rocks. Highlights include great contributions from Millhouse and Nelson, with James Earl Jones as the narrator, Homer's internet company, CompuGobalHyperMegaNet, plus it encourages people to read classic literature.
"El Viaje de Nuestro Jomer"--Homer does his version of the pee-dance: "Marge! We're gonna miss the Chili Cookoff! Less artsy more fartsy!" They go, he drinks too much and eats some of Wiggum's crazy chili, only to end up hallucinating in the desert with a talking coyote (the late Johnny Cash). Lost, he wanders to the lighthouse to find his soul mate, where Marge tracks him down after remembering his affection for blinking lights and proving their true soulmatehood. Aw!
"How I Spent My Strummer Vacation"--The family sends Homer to Rock n Roll Camp!! Fun guest stars abound: Tom Petty, Lenny Kravitz, Elvis Costello, Mick Jagger, etc. Homer and the rest of Springfield's men learn about crotch stuffing, songwriting, and the like. At the final concert for the town, Homer can't face the shame of just being a roadie, so he steals the show with his improv'd song "Testin' My Love." Highlight: Homer swinging the guitar around by the cord yelling "Baby baby baby baby!"
"I Love Lisa"--(i'm a big Lisa fan, so i had to give her shout out. ) Lisa notices that Ralph didn't get any Valentines, so she gives him one reading "I choo-choo-choose you!" (and it has a picture of a train!) Ralph misunderstands the gesture and falls madly in love with her. He announces it publicly on Krusty's Show and Lisa erupts, confessing that she doesn't love Ralph at all. Ever-helpful Bart later plays the video to her in slo-mo: "You can actually pinpoint the second when his heart rips in half!" Feeling bad, Lisa gives Ralph another Valentine reading "Let's BEE friends!" (and it has a picture of a bee!) Highlights include Homer's tricking Ralph into putting a new coat of tar on the roof.
"Missionary: Impossible"--Homer pledges $10,000 to save his favorite British sitcom, "Do Shut Up." Betty White tracks him down for the $, w/the Teletubbies and Mr. Rogers as backup. Homer flees to the church where Rev. Lovejoy ships him off as a missionary to the South Pacific. Homer opens Lucky Savage casino, which leads to alcoholism and violence, so to atone he agrees to finish building a chapel. Upon completion, he and the girl he's named Lisa Junior ring the chapel bell too loud and start an earthquake and subsequent lava flood. Great jokes about the church and casinos, the fierce Betty White, and of course, "Save us Jebus!"
"Das Bus" (the 'Lord of the Flies' episode) which is initiated by Bart and Nelson 'racing' an apple and orange down the aisle of the school bus. Ralph tosses a non-rolling banana down to join the race: "Go banana!!" Fast forward to Ralph's "I eated the purple berries!.....It tastes like burning" and you've got 2 of many reasons this episode rocks. Highlights include great contributions from Millhouse and Nelson, with James Earl Jones as the narrator, Homer's internet company, CompuGobalHyperMegaNet, plus it encourages people to read classic literature.
"El Viaje de Nuestro Jomer"--Homer does his version of the pee-dance: "Marge! We're gonna miss the Chili Cookoff! Less artsy more fartsy!" They go, he drinks too much and eats some of Wiggum's crazy chili, only to end up hallucinating in the desert with a talking coyote (the late Johnny Cash). Lost, he wanders to the lighthouse to find his soul mate, where Marge tracks him down after remembering his affection for blinking lights and proving their true soulmatehood. Aw!
"How I Spent My Strummer Vacation"--The family sends Homer to Rock n Roll Camp!! Fun guest stars abound: Tom Petty, Lenny Kravitz, Elvis Costello, Mick Jagger, etc. Homer and the rest of Springfield's men learn about crotch stuffing, songwriting, and the like. At the final concert for the town, Homer can't face the shame of just being a roadie, so he steals the show with his improv'd song "Testin' My Love." Highlight: Homer swinging the guitar around by the cord yelling "Baby baby baby baby!"
"I Love Lisa"--(i'm a big Lisa fan, so i had to give her shout out. ) Lisa notices that Ralph didn't get any Valentines, so she gives him one reading "I choo-choo-choose you!" (and it has a picture of a train!) Ralph misunderstands the gesture and falls madly in love with her. He announces it publicly on Krusty's Show and Lisa erupts, confessing that she doesn't love Ralph at all. Ever-helpful Bart later plays the video to her in slo-mo: "You can actually pinpoint the second when his heart rips in half!" Feeling bad, Lisa gives Ralph another Valentine reading "Let's BEE friends!" (and it has a picture of a bee!) Highlights include Homer's tricking Ralph into putting a new coat of tar on the roof.
"Missionary: Impossible"--Homer pledges $10,000 to save his favorite British sitcom, "Do Shut Up." Betty White tracks him down for the $, w/the Teletubbies and Mr. Rogers as backup. Homer flees to the church where Rev. Lovejoy ships him off as a missionary to the South Pacific. Homer opens Lucky Savage casino, which leads to alcoholism and violence, so to atone he agrees to finish building a chapel. Upon completion, he and the girl he's named Lisa Junior ring the chapel bell too loud and start an earthquake and subsequent lava flood. Great jokes about the church and casinos, the fierce Betty White, and of course, "Save us Jebus!"
November 15, 2005
Blessed Are The Rich?
In case you needed a good reason to go to church: an economist finds a statistical correlation between income and religious service attendance.
November 13, 2005
Cosmo Brown
This past week Josh and i finally saw the movie Singin' In The Rain. (In other news, Singin' In The Rain has been added to my Christmas list. Take note.) As tempting as it is to say "They just don't make movies like they used to," it actually encouraged me to try and see the simplicity of talent in what i now watch. If you haven't seen this classic, rent it, Netflix it, catch it on A&E, whatever you need to do. A return to form is always a good thing. Also, in honor of this film i've changed Cosmo's name to Cosmo Brown-Kramer.
Proof that God is All Powerful
This weekend was Apprentice Weekend with the youth group at our church. When we signed up to help, we were unaware that this was an all-youth event, not just the senior high students we know and love. So John needs to be tied naked to the top of an ant hill and covered in molten-hot honey. i ended up with a group of 3 senior and 2 junior high girls. One junior high student seriously had me standing on the railing of our balcony whispering "Goodbye cruel world." So this is how i know that God is all powerful: there are people in this world who absolutely love junior high students and make a career out of spending hours and hours and hours with them. i can't stand them.
Anyway, the point of the activity was to take a combined $50 ($10 each) and multiply it somehow. We worked on a bare budget, cleaning windows for the elderly and using our own paper towels and Windex. We scored a surprising amount of cash this way, by charging $2/per window, inside and out, and $4/per sliding door. We also featured Goldfish Racing, which ended up getting us the Most Creative prize and a limo ride for our team. Goldfish Racing involves buying two vinyl rain gutters, capping the ends, filling them with water, and 'pushing' the fish along by blowing through a straw behind it. First fish to the opposite end of the gutter wins! We were able to return the gutters at the end of the day and thus spend only 50 cents on the fish! It only got us $8, but that's ok. And none of the fish died so i gave them to one of Jim Manker's kids when Jim wasn't looking. :P In the end, we made $225 dollars and each girl got $45 to put toward Winter Camp, which costs about $150, so not bad at all. Plus we got kicked out of WalMart, which didn't bother me in the least because you KNOW it wasn't my idea to set up there.
Anyway, the point of the activity was to take a combined $50 ($10 each) and multiply it somehow. We worked on a bare budget, cleaning windows for the elderly and using our own paper towels and Windex. We scored a surprising amount of cash this way, by charging $2/per window, inside and out, and $4/per sliding door. We also featured Goldfish Racing, which ended up getting us the Most Creative prize and a limo ride for our team. Goldfish Racing involves buying two vinyl rain gutters, capping the ends, filling them with water, and 'pushing' the fish along by blowing through a straw behind it. First fish to the opposite end of the gutter wins! We were able to return the gutters at the end of the day and thus spend only 50 cents on the fish! It only got us $8, but that's ok. And none of the fish died so i gave them to one of Jim Manker's kids when Jim wasn't looking. :P In the end, we made $225 dollars and each girl got $45 to put toward Winter Camp, which costs about $150, so not bad at all. Plus we got kicked out of WalMart, which didn't bother me in the least because you KNOW it wasn't my idea to set up there.
November 11, 2005
Top 5 Rejected Band Names Before Coming Up With 'Death Cab For Cutie'
i don't know why Death Cab For Cutie is what it is, but here are my picks for the band names that almost were:
White Van for Sticky
Metermaid Boogaloo
Soybean Funk and the OhNeeDers
Firetruck Cheezit
Good Golly Ma
Anything with 'Boogaloo' in the name gets heavy rotation on my tape player, that's fo shizzle.
White Van for Sticky
Metermaid Boogaloo
Soybean Funk and the OhNeeDers
Firetruck Cheezit
Good Golly Ma
Anything with 'Boogaloo' in the name gets heavy rotation on my tape player, that's fo shizzle.
November 09, 2005
people suck
Prop 73 failed by the narrowest margin of all the Propositions: 52.6 to 47.4 percent.
To say i'm disappointed would be an understatement. i feel discouraged and angry and basically like humans in general are Crap. Since Planned Parenthood put so much into protecting their financial interests, creeps can go on having sex with 13-year-olds because nobody is ever going to know, and the clinics are going to keep tossing the evidence out as soon as the check clears.
Two-thirds of pregnant, CA, school-age children were victims of sexual predators over 22 years old. Citing their desire to protect privacy, abortionists withhold information about sexual abuse of pregnant children from parents and authorities. Planned Parenthood sold the lie that parental involvement would harm girls, but CA courts had already ruled that there is no evidence of any harm to minors from laws in the 30 other states requiring parental notification... the same states that show decreases in minor abortions and pregnancies when involvement laws are in place.
It just sucks. People suck.
To say i'm disappointed would be an understatement. i feel discouraged and angry and basically like humans in general are Crap. Since Planned Parenthood put so much into protecting their financial interests, creeps can go on having sex with 13-year-olds because nobody is ever going to know, and the clinics are going to keep tossing the evidence out as soon as the check clears.
Two-thirds of pregnant, CA, school-age children were victims of sexual predators over 22 years old. Citing their desire to protect privacy, abortionists withhold information about sexual abuse of pregnant children from parents and authorities. Planned Parenthood sold the lie that parental involvement would harm girls, but CA courts had already ruled that there is no evidence of any harm to minors from laws in the 30 other states requiring parental notification... the same states that show decreases in minor abortions and pregnancies when involvement laws are in place.
It just sucks. People suck.
November 08, 2005
November 05, 2005
Movie Review: Chicken Little
Starring Zach Braff as Chicken Little, who is the embarrassment of Oakey Oaks after his claim of falling sky. Tons of quality funny folk featured, including Joan Cusack, Don Knotts, and Steve Zahn as Runt, who was actually quite large. (i'm not used to Steve Zahn being the biggest guy on the screen so it was a kinda strange to wrap my head around it) i love Joan Cusack and was really looking forward to her part, but she wasn't given much to work with at all, so that was a little disappointing. The gang has the standard Silent Sidekick, in this case it's Fish Out Of Water, who is actually pretty funny. He does The Robot as a dodgeball technique :] Zach Braff does a great job, as does Batman Himself: Adam West.
It was a fun movie, but not as fun as Pixar counterparts usually are. The moral of the story for the kids is 'You can easily be misunderstood and become the embarrassment of your entire town and most painfully, your own father, and unless aliens violently invade the planet there's nothing you can do about it.' Maybe the moral is 'Don't be mean to misunderstood kids', but i'm guessing more children walked out of the theater worried about being shunned than eager to hang out with any Ugly Ducklings.
Overall, it was a good movie to see in the theaters, but only for the matinee price. 3 out of 5 Fred Willard Aliens.
It was a fun movie, but not as fun as Pixar counterparts usually are. The moral of the story for the kids is 'You can easily be misunderstood and become the embarrassment of your entire town and most painfully, your own father, and unless aliens violently invade the planet there's nothing you can do about it.' Maybe the moral is 'Don't be mean to misunderstood kids', but i'm guessing more children walked out of the theater worried about being shunned than eager to hang out with any Ugly Ducklings.
Overall, it was a good movie to see in the theaters, but only for the matinee price. 3 out of 5 Fred Willard Aliens.
November 04, 2005
TOP 10 OVER & UNDER RATED ACTORS
(inspired by Winter, who is underrated)
Okay- skipping over the obviously overrated (Cameron, Tom, you listening?), here are my picks for the people that just aren't worth their bajillion dollar paychecks, along with the people who need either an Oscar, more roles, or both.
SO OVER.......................... WAY UNDER
Russel Crowe..................... Kevin Bacon
Ewan MacGregor ................Sam Rockwell
Denzel Washington............. Cillian Murphy
Tobey Maguire.................... John Leguizamo
Jeremy Piven...................... Alec Baldwin
Angelina Jolie..................... Marcia Gay Harden
Kate Hudson....................... Alison Lohman
Renee Zellweger.................. Maggie Gyllenhaal
Drew Barrymore................... Thandie Newton
Teri Hatcher......................... Catherine Keener
Okay- skipping over the obviously overrated (Cameron, Tom, you listening?), here are my picks for the people that just aren't worth their bajillion dollar paychecks, along with the people who need either an Oscar, more roles, or both.
SO OVER.......................... WAY UNDER
Russel Crowe..................... Kevin Bacon
Ewan MacGregor ................Sam Rockwell
Denzel Washington............. Cillian Murphy
Tobey Maguire.................... John Leguizamo
Jeremy Piven...................... Alec Baldwin
Angelina Jolie..................... Marcia Gay Harden
Kate Hudson....................... Alison Lohman
Renee Zellweger.................. Maggie Gyllenhaal
Drew Barrymore................... Thandie Newton
Teri Hatcher......................... Catherine Keener
November 02, 2005
Daily Scream?
i discovered this through Charlie (who needs a cloak...). Put your name into Google followed by the word needs. It has to be in double quotes, ie "Kallie needs" Here's what i need, let me know what you need!
-Kallie needs to go to a veterinary office for X rays or an ultrasound
-Kallie just needs some time to show off her true qualities (and there are many) parentheses NOT mine!
-Kallie needs to be on Babe Blvd
-Kallie needs all of her family members for the rest of her life
-Kallie needs sleep now
-Kallie needs surgery to save her life
-Kallie needs moving asap
-Kallie needs some professional help – from a Dog trainer
-Kallie needs lots of affection and attention
-Kallie needs her daily scream
-Kallie needs to go to a veterinary office for X rays or an ultrasound
-Kallie just needs some time to show off her true qualities (and there are many) parentheses NOT mine!
-Kallie needs to be on Babe Blvd
-Kallie needs all of her family members for the rest of her life
-Kallie needs sleep now
-Kallie needs surgery to save her life
-Kallie needs moving asap
-Kallie needs some professional help – from a Dog trainer
-Kallie needs lots of affection and attention
-Kallie needs her daily scream
November 01, 2005
The Great Pumpkin Show Off
Frankenpumpkin by Josh, Drooling Gourd by Travis, October Zen by Kallie
The gallery of entries at my parents' party.
Trick or Treat Food Court
Whilst millions of people dressed up in awkward contraptions of spook and millions more ignored said celebrants and pretended to not hear the doorbell or the sound of breaking eggshells, i became the most productive person in the country. i thought to myself, 'Kalpal, you gorgeous example of all things nifty, there probably won't be very many people at the mall tonight if you want to get some early Christmas shopping done.' And there weren't and i DID. i actually wiped out an entire family worth of gifts and nabbed some birthday presents in the process.
The mall was deserted of shoppers, but, disturbingly, was populated by too many parents taking their kids trick-or-treating from store to store. Now i don't know about you, but isn't the fun of trick-or-treating going from spooky stranger's house, to spooky stranger's house and forcing them for one night out of the year to acknowledge that you exist, you're adorable, and you deserve all the sugar they have? Why go to a well lit, hardly decorated mall and get a mouse pad from the Discovery Channel store after they've run out of candy? (true story. Saddest thing in the world is watching a 6 yr old boy dressed as Spidey get a lame mouse pad when he wanted a fistful of Gobstoppers. You can bet he won't allow his parents to take him Mall-or-Treating next year) Maybe this indoor Halloween stuff has been going on for years and i haven't noticed, but i think it's DUMB. It wasn't even a cold night outside! AND i was in Roseville, so it's not like these 200 families dragging their costumed kids through the Eddie Bauer store on their way to Forever 21 couldn't find a decent neighborhood to tromp through. i'm pretty sure the w.a.s.p.s that make up the Roseville and Rocklin city councils have all ensured that all 967 subdivisions, condo and apartment complexes are identically attractive.
Is the pervasion of capitalism to blame that now we spend holidays in shopping malls? Perhaps, but who am i to say? i was shopping.
The mall was deserted of shoppers, but, disturbingly, was populated by too many parents taking their kids trick-or-treating from store to store. Now i don't know about you, but isn't the fun of trick-or-treating going from spooky stranger's house, to spooky stranger's house and forcing them for one night out of the year to acknowledge that you exist, you're adorable, and you deserve all the sugar they have? Why go to a well lit, hardly decorated mall and get a mouse pad from the Discovery Channel store after they've run out of candy? (true story. Saddest thing in the world is watching a 6 yr old boy dressed as Spidey get a lame mouse pad when he wanted a fistful of Gobstoppers. You can bet he won't allow his parents to take him Mall-or-Treating next year) Maybe this indoor Halloween stuff has been going on for years and i haven't noticed, but i think it's DUMB. It wasn't even a cold night outside! AND i was in Roseville, so it's not like these 200 families dragging their costumed kids through the Eddie Bauer store on their way to Forever 21 couldn't find a decent neighborhood to tromp through. i'm pretty sure the w.a.s.p.s that make up the Roseville and Rocklin city councils have all ensured that all 967 subdivisions, condo and apartment complexes are identically attractive.
Is the pervasion of capitalism to blame that now we spend holidays in shopping malls? Perhaps, but who am i to say? i was shopping.
October 28, 2005
TOP 5 IDEAL JOBS
These are my Top 5 Dream Jobs, which means that i'd rather work these than not have to work!
Host of Jeopardy
Audio Book Reader
Assembly Line Worker at a Stuffed Animal Factory
Librarian
Dog Show Judge
Conclusion: nerd
Host of Jeopardy
Audio Book Reader
Assembly Line Worker at a Stuffed Animal Factory
Librarian
Dog Show Judge
Conclusion: nerd
Tony Danza, Brendan Fraser, and Ludacris?!
Movie review: Crash
This movie is NUTS! There's a huge cast and all sorts of overlapping storylines (think Traffic) focused on the collision of races in Los Angeles. It's about who you think you are, who others think you are, and the intersecting of those perceptions. Don Cheadle delivers as usual, as does Sandra Bullock, who for once plays an unlikeable character. Actually everyone delivers in this cast, there were no weak links, even the really minor characters were memorable (Tony Danza, if you can believe it).
The standouts were Matt Dillon and Thandie Newton. Dillon plays a racist cop dealing w/a crappy situation at home and taking it out on any black person he sees. He's a total a-hole and plunges the depths of ick when he molests Thandie Newton's character on a traffic stop. Newton plays a wealthy black woman living in the aftermath of the incident and its effect on her marriage. Later, Dillon responds to a traffic accident where Newton is trapped in a soon-to-combust car. She FREAKS when she sees him (as well she should) and he has to come to grips with what he did to her and save her life all at once. i don't think i breathed, blinked, or had a heartbeat thru the whole scene. And my mouth was hanging open. The two of them are flawless and it's crazy-powerful. Dillon's performance reminds me of Ed Norton in American History X, playing such an incredibly hateful character and yet allowing a turnaround that makes you hope for him, if not sympathize. Newton deftly plays the gamut- drunk snob, Dillon's victim, angry wife, repentant, and straight raw fear.
And that was just one story line among many! There were more points of breathless pure shock and hanging-open mouths, but i won't give them away. The movie ends with some story lines resolved and others wide open or hopeless, but thanks to Terrence Howard and Ludacris (yes, Ludacris!), you feel at least some peace. Thus- i highly recommend renting this movie: 5 out of 5 heartbeats.
This movie is NUTS! There's a huge cast and all sorts of overlapping storylines (think Traffic) focused on the collision of races in Los Angeles. It's about who you think you are, who others think you are, and the intersecting of those perceptions. Don Cheadle delivers as usual, as does Sandra Bullock, who for once plays an unlikeable character. Actually everyone delivers in this cast, there were no weak links, even the really minor characters were memorable (Tony Danza, if you can believe it).
The standouts were Matt Dillon and Thandie Newton. Dillon plays a racist cop dealing w/a crappy situation at home and taking it out on any black person he sees. He's a total a-hole and plunges the depths of ick when he molests Thandie Newton's character on a traffic stop. Newton plays a wealthy black woman living in the aftermath of the incident and its effect on her marriage. Later, Dillon responds to a traffic accident where Newton is trapped in a soon-to-combust car. She FREAKS when she sees him (as well she should) and he has to come to grips with what he did to her and save her life all at once. i don't think i breathed, blinked, or had a heartbeat thru the whole scene. And my mouth was hanging open. The two of them are flawless and it's crazy-powerful. Dillon's performance reminds me of Ed Norton in American History X, playing such an incredibly hateful character and yet allowing a turnaround that makes you hope for him, if not sympathize. Newton deftly plays the gamut- drunk snob, Dillon's victim, angry wife, repentant, and straight raw fear.
And that was just one story line among many! There were more points of breathless pure shock and hanging-open mouths, but i won't give them away. The movie ends with some story lines resolved and others wide open or hopeless, but thanks to Terrence Howard and Ludacris (yes, Ludacris!), you feel at least some peace. Thus- i highly recommend renting this movie: 5 out of 5 heartbeats.
October 26, 2005
If By Shoes You Mean UNDERPANTS!
Movie Review: "In Her Shoes"
On the surface, this movie is about sisters who love to hate each other. If Toni Collette were not in it, i wouldn't have given it a second glance. But, i trust her, so i went and saw it with Danielle. Thankfully, it was more than just a bickering-sisters chick flick, w/a really good love story mixed in for Toni's character, Rose. It's about a family coming to terms w/a suicide and everything else is a direct or indirect result of that incident. Relative unknown Mark Feuerstein is flawless as Simon Stein, the coworker and foodie that pursues Rose with such confidence and tenderness that i now have a huge crush on him. Toni, of course, is fantastic, as is Shirley MacLaine, who never does what i expect her to do and always brings such honest nobility to her roles.
Cameron Diaz is Rose's slutty sister Maggie, who does the ultimate betrayal (as in, 'oh no she di-nt!') as further proof of how screwed up she is. Cameron Diaz rarely surprises me, and this was no exception. She's niether bad nor good in this movie, but whatever shortcomings she had as an actress, the director attempted to make up for in the amount of camera time devoted to her butt and legs. Seriously. No one needed to be convinced that Maggie is the 'hot sister,' and tho i expected gratutious Cameron-in-her-underwear shots in the beginning to establish character, i didn't need 90 minutes of deliberate shots of her butt in a bikini, in a thong, in shorts, in a mini skirt, in scrubs, etc. to convince me that i'm flabby and pale and she's not. The movie should've been called 'In Her Underwear.'
Nevertheless, it was worth my $9.50, mostly because of Toni, Mark and Shirley, and excellent use of these poems by e e cummings and Elizabeth Bishop. i give it 4 out of 5 butt shots.
October 25, 2005
Superhero
If i had special powers i'd be selfish,
and make the ground always
warm beneath my feet, like sun-toasted sand.
If you were walking next to me,
you'd have warm-ground too,
that's as far as i'd go
with my gift: my side,
within arm's reach.
i'd have all the world.
and make the ground always
warm beneath my feet, like sun-toasted sand.
If you were walking next to me,
you'd have warm-ground too,
that's as far as i'd go
with my gift: my side,
within arm's reach.
i'd have all the world.
Throw Down Your Heads
"Mr. Incredible and Elmo said they were taken into custody at gunpoint and driven in handcuffs by police car to the front of the Kodak Theatre. There they claim they were paraded on the Hollywood Walk of Fame before shocked tourists and other boulevard impersonators."
October 24, 2005
Do Me A Favorite
October 23, 2005
A Tiny Little Party
CONGRATS TO MATT AND BRENDA BECAUSE THEY ARE HAVING A BABY!
And they're going to name it Kallie even if it's a boy! Well, they didn't explicitly say that, but i can read between the lines. (cue Lloyd Christmas: "So you're tellin' me there's a chance!") Anyway, YAY! The next generation of labbies begins. Make way, world.
And they're going to name it Kallie even if it's a boy! Well, they didn't explicitly say that, but i can read between the lines. (cue Lloyd Christmas: "So you're tellin' me there's a chance!") Anyway, YAY! The next generation of labbies begins. Make way, world.
October 21, 2005
TOP 5 FUNNIEST PEOPLE ON TV
A very tough task, so i decided to restrict this list to the funniest people currently on TV (sorry Kramer). Choosing only one Bluth and one of Reno's finest was very difficult. As always, i'm open for suggestions or compliments. So, in no particular order..... 
Steve Carrel, as Michael Scott in The Office
Will Arnett, as Gob Bluth in Arrested Development
Thomas Lennon, as Lt. Jim Dangle in Reno 911 ->
Amy Poehler, Saturday Night Live
Seth McFarlane, Peter & Stewie Griffin, Family Guy
Honorable Mention- Rob Corddry, The Daily Show
Steve Carrel, as Michael Scott in The Office
Will Arnett, as Gob Bluth in Arrested Development
Thomas Lennon, as Lt. Jim Dangle in Reno 911 ->
Amy Poehler, Saturday Night Live
Seth McFarlane, Peter & Stewie Griffin, Family Guy
Honorable Mention- Rob Corddry, The Daily Show
October 20, 2005
I'll take 'Friends Who Leave The Country' for $800, Alex.
The darndest thing happened when i looked up the definition of Thailand- here's what it said:
Thai·land - (tlnd, -lnd) Formerly Si·am (s-m).
1. A country of southeast Asia on the Gulf of Thailand (formerly the Gulf of Siam), an arm of the South China Sea. Various Thai kingdoms were founded from the 13th century on, frequently coming into conflict with neighboring Burmese and Cambodian powers. Siam remained an absolute monarchy until 1932, when the king was compelled to accept a constitution, and the country was renamed Thailand in 1939. Thailand was occupied by the Japanese in World War II, and most of its numerous postwar governments were controlled by the military. Bangkok is the capital and the largest city. Population: 59,396,000.
2. The country your friends Whitney and Tannan take off for without blogging about it, or emailing you about it, thereby nullifying any sympathetic excitement you might have had about their overseas opportunity in comparison to your own boring life in suburbia.
3. The country wherefrom Kallie will receive NO trinket, gift, or souvenier, should said travellers happen to check this blog while there. :]
Thai·land - (tlnd, -lnd) Formerly Si·am (s-m).
1. A country of southeast Asia on the Gulf of Thailand (formerly the Gulf of Siam), an arm of the South China Sea. Various Thai kingdoms were founded from the 13th century on, frequently coming into conflict with neighboring Burmese and Cambodian powers. Siam remained an absolute monarchy until 1932, when the king was compelled to accept a constitution, and the country was renamed Thailand in 1939. Thailand was occupied by the Japanese in World War II, and most of its numerous postwar governments were controlled by the military. Bangkok is the capital and the largest city. Population: 59,396,000.
2. The country your friends Whitney and Tannan take off for without blogging about it, or emailing you about it, thereby nullifying any sympathetic excitement you might have had about their overseas opportunity in comparison to your own boring life in suburbia.
3. The country wherefrom Kallie will receive NO trinket, gift, or souvenier, should said travellers happen to check this blog while there. :]
October 19, 2005
Reminder
"You're about as useful as a poopie flavored lollipop!" -Patches O'Houlihan
i went to my favorite lunch spot yesterday, The Beach Hut Deli (overpriced, but the ambiance and staff remind me too much of San D to stay away), which plays good movies like 'Dumb & Dumber' and 'Zoolander' on mute, w/the subtitles on. Yesterday they were playing 'Dodgeball,' so i sat by myself in a booth for an hour, staring at a silent tv, cracking up. i had to remind myself to eat! i totally forgot how funny that movie is! And not just hilarious- incredibly endearing too, b/c of all the lovable losers. And i'd forgotten that Jason Bateman is in it! i'm going to buy it on my lunch break today.
October 14, 2005
Top 10 Lyricists
Anybody can write a great single, but the following people have consistently shown a mastery of song lyricosity. i've included samples of why. There was no way i was going to limit this to 5; this was a difficult list to narrow down and to find good examples for, so arguments and/or better examples are welcome.
Elliot Smith: "Now on the bus/Nearly touching this dirty retreat/Falling out 6th and Powell a dead sweat in my teeth"
Cole Porter: "I want to ride to the ridge where the west commences/Gaze at the moon till I lose my senses/I can't look at hobbles and I can't stand fences/Don't fence me in."
Natalie Merchant: "Ophelia was a tempest cyclone/A goddamn hurricane/Your common sense, your best defense/Lay wasted and in vain"
John Lennon: "It's getting hard to be someone/But it all works out/It doesn't matter much to me"
Bright Eyes: "This is the first day of my life/I swear I was born right in the doorway/I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed/They're spreading blankets on the beach"
Elton John: "Jesus freaks out in the street/Handing tickets out for god/Turning back she just laughs/The boulevard is not that bad"
Death Cab for Cutie: "I strain my eyes and try/To tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites/.../do they collide?" I ask and you smile./With my feet on the dash/The world doesn't matter."
Willie Nelson: "'Cause you paid the price to come too far,/ Just to wind up where you are, /And you're still just across the borderline"
Lauryn Hill: "Coursing through my senses, he's prevailing /Floating through the space of my design /Drowning me to find my inside sailing /Drinking in the mainstream of his mind"
Derren Raser: "Girls used to wear skirts long and i don't know what's gone wrong/Now they've all got legs/That seems to make them want to run away/Maybe that's why i can't get a single one to stay"
Elliot Smith: "Now on the bus/Nearly touching this dirty retreat/Falling out 6th and Powell a dead sweat in my teeth"
Cole Porter: "I want to ride to the ridge where the west commences/Gaze at the moon till I lose my senses/I can't look at hobbles and I can't stand fences/Don't fence me in."
Natalie Merchant: "Ophelia was a tempest cyclone/A goddamn hurricane/Your common sense, your best defense/Lay wasted and in vain"
John Lennon: "It's getting hard to be someone/But it all works out/It doesn't matter much to me"
Bright Eyes: "This is the first day of my life/I swear I was born right in the doorway/I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed/They're spreading blankets on the beach"
Elton John: "Jesus freaks out in the street/Handing tickets out for god/Turning back she just laughs/The boulevard is not that bad"
Death Cab for Cutie: "I strain my eyes and try/To tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites/.../do they collide?" I ask and you smile./With my feet on the dash/The world doesn't matter."
Willie Nelson: "'Cause you paid the price to come too far,/ Just to wind up where you are, /And you're still just across the borderline"
Lauryn Hill: "Coursing through my senses, he's prevailing /Floating through the space of my design /Drowning me to find my inside sailing /Drinking in the mainstream of his mind"
Derren Raser: "Girls used to wear skirts long and i don't know what's gone wrong/Now they've all got legs/That seems to make them want to run away/Maybe that's why i can't get a single one to stay"
October 10, 2005
100 Years of Everyone Having The Same Friggin Name
Today i finally finished the aptly-named One Hundred Years of Solitude. While i agree that it's one of the 5 greatest novels EVER, and i understand Latin American naming traditions, i maintain that giving FIFTEEN characters (not counting the 17+ assassinated Aurelianos) the same FOUR names is just plain MEAN. i was so confused i began to use the family tree as my bookmark and thus ruined the surprises of some of the later generations' breedings.
And since i'm a literary masochist, i've begun to read The Sound and the Fury, in which 4 characters share 2 names, 1 character changes the name he used to share with his uncle, another character's name disappears from the family vocabulary, and it's all 'explained' in perspectives that have no sense of chronology!
Why do i punish myself? Because in high school i faked book reports on The Scarlet Letter, Uncle Tom's Cabin, Great Expectations, and Catch-22....among a hundred others.
And since i'm a literary masochist, i've begun to read The Sound and the Fury, in which 4 characters share 2 names, 1 character changes the name he used to share with his uncle, another character's name disappears from the family vocabulary, and it's all 'explained' in perspectives that have no sense of chronology!
Why do i punish myself? Because in high school i faked book reports on The Scarlet Letter, Uncle Tom's Cabin, Great Expectations, and Catch-22....among a hundred others.
Life Without Friends = Dog Shows
On Saturday evening i found myself thoroughly engrossed in Animal Planet's broadcast of the Eukanuba Tournament of Champions. Did you know it takes 5 hours to groom a Maltese for a dog show? And blood hounds and other 'scent' breeds not only have big noses for smelling, their long ears and droopy faces also function in scent detection by trapping the scent in all the skin and keeping it closer to the nose. And of course, they have short legs to keep them closer to the ground/smell. (Intelligent Design? i think the word your looking for is Freaking-Genius-Omniscient-Creator Design) My personal favorite? The puli. If you really love me you'll get me one. Dog shows are fun. i'm a nerd.
October 09, 2005
Triple-Deluxe-Roundhouse-Axel
Today I took Kallie ice skating for the first time in her life and...like everything monumental we do...it went undocumented. You will not find any picture of Kallie the first time she cut into the ice in Roseville, CA. The ice skating trip was a great success full of sweaty palms, small children being checked into the glass, hypothermia and plenty of laughter. However, it was during the drive home that I realized how important my camera could have been today. So I have decided to take a page from the book of Jason Niemeyer. Let it be known from this day forward that I will be more camera cautious. I might as well use some of that great schooling I spent oodles on.
October 07, 2005
Top 5 Things I Wish I Were Doing This Weekend
>Going to Winter and Jason's White Trash Party and finally having the opportunity to wear that Raiders jersey and snakeprint pleather miniskirt i keep hidden in my closet
>Seeing "Good Night, and Good Luck"
>Making cookies and having Josh actually eat them
>Going bowling with Martha Stewart (my new bff) and WINNING, then getting gelato afterward
>Painting the walls of the apartment green and orange and purple
(speaking of Martha Stewart, Josh's new nickname is Flaming Meringue)
>Seeing "Good Night, and Good Luck"
>Making cookies and having Josh actually eat them
>Going bowling with Martha Stewart (my new bff) and WINNING, then getting gelato afterward
>Painting the walls of the apartment green and orange and purple
(speaking of Martha Stewart, Josh's new nickname is Flaming Meringue)
October 06, 2005
It's official: i have sclerosis of the liver.
i'm on my 2nd bloody nose of the day. Well, bloody nostril, so it's half a nose. It's a bloody 'no'. Getting 2 bloody noses in a day doesn't do anything for my hyper-supressed tendency toward hypochondria. (Once i very nearly convinced myself i had testicular cancer.) Anyway, i've managed to calm down and wonder the following: When the first human got the first random bloody nose (or 'no'), they must have totally freaked out. They had to think their brain was dissolving or something. These days we know these things just happen for no reason, (kinda like babies) so we don't freak out (note: inappropriate use of 'we'), but what if we didn't? That would suck. Or blow, since we're talking about noses. Anyway, if i'm not back in 15 minutes, Winter and Bren share guardianship of the cat.
(k)al(lie)
(k)al(lie)
October 03, 2005
Weekend Schmeekend
We spent Friday afternoon thru Sunday night at the Sacramento Convention Center at the National Youth Workers Conference. It was cool, but it meant getting up at 6am Saturday and Sunday, which i believe is actually against the will of the God who loves us. We got to spend more time w/Unfried AND got to hang out w/Josh Loesche. We also ran into Dave Nichols and Scott Ritter. We heard some good speakers including Captain Fascinating: Tony Campolo. Love him or hate him, he's one wicked-smart-crazy-Italian. The best speaker was Sue Thomas, an elderly deaf woman who worked for the FBI and is pretty stinking funny, not to mention darn Christian. We got to check out some really good music from Kendall Payne, 4th Avenue Jones, and Shane&Shane. Josh's description of 4th Ave. Jones: 'The Fugees dressed as the Black Eyed Peas rocking like Linkin Park.' Plus they had a violin. Pretty cool.
We also hung out w/my parents and Aunt Cindy and family friends the Stanleys. And i can now say i've met someone named Seamus. We had a good dinner w/them at Michaelangelo's (as usual) and got to drink some Jewel wine before we went back to get our youth-working on.
This is what i think about youth pastors: They are rabbits disguised as humans. They are constantly multiplying. Perhaps this is because they are all good-looking men with cute wives, but i think it's because the wives don't want to have to hang out w/the Junior High students so they get pregnant. In any case, any time there's a population of youth pastors, there's a population of babies. BabyGap owes much to the Church.
kal
Now for the Top 5......
We also hung out w/my parents and Aunt Cindy and family friends the Stanleys. And i can now say i've met someone named Seamus. We had a good dinner w/them at Michaelangelo's (as usual) and got to drink some Jewel wine before we went back to get our youth-working on.
This is what i think about youth pastors: They are rabbits disguised as humans. They are constantly multiplying. Perhaps this is because they are all good-looking men with cute wives, but i think it's because the wives don't want to have to hang out w/the Junior High students so they get pregnant. In any case, any time there's a population of youth pastors, there's a population of babies. BabyGap owes much to the Church.
kal
Now for the Top 5......
(Belated) Top 5 Snacks
Handfuls of Cheerios with raisins and choco-chips
Nutella-&-Raspberry-Jam-Saltine-Cracker Sandwich
Cheezits
Apple slices with peanut butter
Graham crackers dipped in Yoplait's Boston Creme Pie yogurt
Runners up: every different variety of Cheezits
Nutella-&-Raspberry-Jam-Saltine-Cracker Sandwich
Cheezits
Apple slices with peanut butter
Graham crackers dipped in Yoplait's Boston Creme Pie yogurt
Runners up: every different variety of Cheezits
September 28, 2005
Rabbits from Hats
i added 2 more poems to the page. 'War Meal' i randomly found in my car or purse or something and i have no clue when i wrote it or what i really meant by it, so interpretations are welcome. 'Sunset on the River and the City' has been floating around in my head for several weeks: i was going home from work and drove over the Sacramento River while the sun was setting and the entire Western face of downtown Sac was liquid gold and the river was crazy-pink. i'm not crazy about the title so i'm having a contest: cookies for whoever comes up with a better one. Those who refuse to publicly comment can send emails :]
k
k
Those crazy Gilmores
Funny line on Gilmore Girls the other day that i just now remembered. Lorelai had unexpectedly received $75,000 from an investment she didn't know she had.
L: "$75,000! That's alot of money and it's mine!"
Rory: "I guess that makes you rich."
L: "I guess so. And I find myself suddenly agreeing with everything George W. Bush has to say."
L: "$75,000! That's alot of money and it's mine!"
Rory: "I guess that makes you rich."
L: "I guess so. And I find myself suddenly agreeing with everything George W. Bush has to say."
September 26, 2005
YAY FOR JER-BEAR
A big Happity Birthaday goes out to my dad, who turns 23 or 55 or something today (numbers aren't my thing). Hope it's a superiffic one Dad, see you soonish!!
kal
<- Google's idea of Jerry Baker. i think it's appropriate. :)
kal
<- Google's idea of Jerry Baker. i think it's appropriate. :)
September 23, 2005
Top 5 DRB Songs
In honor of the alleged release of the alleged new album by the band who cried 'New Album,' here are my Top 5 Derren Raser Band songs.
"Crazy, Crazy"
"Somewhere in the Middle of Love"
"Run, Jesse, Run"
The one about the dinosaur bedspread
"Spartacus"
And NONE are about me! Do i get extra points for humbility?
"Crazy, Crazy"
"Somewhere in the Middle of Love"
"Run, Jesse, Run"
The one about the dinosaur bedspread
"Spartacus"
And NONE are about me! Do i get extra points for humbility?
September 22, 2005
Monkey-Woman
Today i got a lesson from my boss on how to use the paper slicer. Think about that one. A paper slicer. There's only one way TO use a paper slicer. There's no wrong way...besides sticking your tonuge under the blade. But i think we can all agree that an inbred monkey fresh off the short bus could figure out how to use a paper slicer. This goes into the archives alongside the lesson i got in saving my work before i close the program. i'm curious how he thinks i got through college without knowing about that whole 'save before you close' trick. There are others too....like how to make copies and how to lock the door, but i think the paper slicer is the best so far.
Dilbert
(aka Kal)
Dilbert
(aka Kal)
Just when you thought there were no single people left from the class of '03...
Now Mark Samples is engaged! Mark proposed to the lovely Jenny last weekend and they will be married and have smiley, musical children. (that's not a pic of Mark or Jenny, but it is what you get when you google 'Mark Samples')
September 21, 2005
So much for napping at my desk
They're replacing the sidewalk outside my office, which means jackhammering the old sidewalk to oblivion and ensuring i don't get a wink of the nap due me. In other news, i've come up with the perfect name for a goth-metal band:
THE FLAMING TWEEZERS
Feel free to use it for all your goth-metal needs, but give to Kallie what is Kallie's.
THE FLAMING TWEEZERS
Feel free to use it for all your goth-metal needs, but give to Kallie what is Kallie's.
Oooh... bubbles!
Funny new show: My Name Is Earl. Why? Because when Earl (Jason Lee, who is my secret boyfriend) has to go to a gay bar he invites his deadbeat brother Randy (Ethan Suplee) along for protection. "Randy was opposed to going, until he found out there would be bubbles."
September 19, 2005
Wedding # 458
(Niemy's new purse) (shish-ka-salmonella) 
Professional Wedding Guests Inc. (aka our group of friends) was at it again this weekend, marrying off our dear Rachel Evans to new member Jason Jenkins. This time we got to add caterering to our resume' as we prepared and executed a mighty fine Shish-ka-bbq. We're pretty sure only 2 people got sick from under-cooked meat, but don't worry, we're not liable. Blame the sun for setting and making it darn hard to see whether or not the meat was done. The wedding was mucho fun, mostly due to sugar-overload from WAY too many bundles of jelly beans and we showed the Pentecostals how Nazarenes REALLY dance (as in, ethusiastically but without rhythm). On Saturday we had the usual fun at the Scholler house and got to see Brodie The Dog model the latest in canine mohawk shaving and i bowled a 96 WITH gutter-bumpers. (i'm THAT good.) Our pics of the ceremony didn't turn out, so check out David's if you're curious. Cosmo played Ben to Lola's Mrs. Robinson and gave her a weekend she'll never forget. Hopefully they'll be able to reunite soon and finish that crazy feline dance of love.
k
Professional Wedding Guests Inc. (aka our group of friends) was at it again this weekend, marrying off our dear Rachel Evans to new member Jason Jenkins. This time we got to add caterering to our resume' as we prepared and executed a mighty fine Shish-ka-bbq. We're pretty sure only 2 people got sick from under-cooked meat, but don't worry, we're not liable. Blame the sun for setting and making it darn hard to see whether or not the meat was done. The wedding was mucho fun, mostly due to sugar-overload from WAY too many bundles of jelly beans and we showed the Pentecostals how Nazarenes REALLY dance (as in, ethusiastically but without rhythm). On Saturday we had the usual fun at the Scholler house and got to see Brodie The Dog model the latest in canine mohawk shaving and i bowled a 96 WITH gutter-bumpers. (i'm THAT good.) Our pics of the ceremony didn't turn out, so check out David's if you're curious. Cosmo played Ben to Lola's Mrs. Robinson and gave her a weekend she'll never forget. Hopefully they'll be able to reunite soon and finish that crazy feline dance of love. k
The Woman Who Invented This Is Brilliant
i ran across these in Safeway today. They're artificial pumpkins that look and carve just like the real veggies only without all the mess and decay. And given the fact that our senior year pumpkin-carving party caused a balcony covered in nasty mold (sea air + gutted produce = putrescence), i intend to get one and carve the bejesus out of it.
kal
kal
September 14, 2005
Me + I-5 = BFF
Just to warn you: there will be no Top 5 this Friday, as i will be in San Diego and will be having more fun than a Top 5 can supply. i know, i'm sorry. Stop crying, it isn't becoming. Blow your nose. Seriously.
Anyway, we're driving to Redlands tonight, where we will arrive super late, sleep for a few hours, then get up in time to make it to San Diego by 7:30am to drop my car off at Captain Wonderful's shop. Then three days later we'll drive back up. What would be FUN is if there was a ginormous zoo stretched all along I-5 so we'd have fun stuff to look at on the World's Longest Drive. Make it happen, Dad.
Anyway, we're driving to Redlands tonight, where we will arrive super late, sleep for a few hours, then get up in time to make it to San Diego by 7:30am to drop my car off at Captain Wonderful's shop. Then three days later we'll drive back up. What would be FUN is if there was a ginormous zoo stretched all along I-5 so we'd have fun stuff to look at on the World's Longest Drive. Make it happen, Dad.
September 12, 2005
Sucks to be a weed.
Yesterday we did yard work @ Meadows Depot, a drug-rehabilitation center/halfway house for women and their children. The man who runs it is very sick w/cancer and can't take care of the facilities anymore, so our church is stepping in. Anyway, after mowing the lawn for too long (it's a big lawn) i switched off to weed-whacker duty, which is MUCH more fun. i think it satisfies some inner, supressed need for violence, because i had a fantastic time doing it, despite very sore thumbs today. And i always said, "If you can safely satisfy a hunger for violence while in the service of the Lord Almighty, do it."
kal
kal
September 10, 2005
Belated Top 5
(i'm pretty stoked b/c i just figured out that my cat plays fetch, which is awesome and nearly makes him as cool as a dog.)
THE TOP 5 SONGS IN MY HEAD RIGHT NOW
Alanis Morrisette: That I Would Be Good
Coldplay: Fix You
Death Cab for Cutie: Lack of Color
Wallflowers w/Adam Duritz: 6th Ave. Heartache
Bright Eyes: Perfect Sonnet
Honorable Mention: Come Thou Fount, b/c i realized that i've been singing the wrong words all this time and i like the real words better.
THE TOP 5 SONGS IN MY HEAD RIGHT NOW
Alanis Morrisette: That I Would Be Good
Coldplay: Fix You
Death Cab for Cutie: Lack of Color
Wallflowers w/Adam Duritz: 6th Ave. Heartache
Bright Eyes: Perfect Sonnet
Honorable Mention: Come Thou Fount, b/c i realized that i've been singing the wrong words all this time and i like the real words better.
September 08, 2005
New Addictions
My favorite new TV show is Rescue Me, starring & written & produced by Denis Leary. It's about New York firemen. i know it sounds lame to say this, but it's got it all. VERY funny at times, but also downright gritty & creative. Here's a brief synopsis in case you catch an episode & want to know what's going on (& cuz i have no life):
Denis Leary is Tommy Gavin, an Irish NY firefighter trying to cope w/his bad marraige, his drinking problem, & his cousin Jimmy's death on 9/11. His marraige hits the skids right around the time he goes to dinner with Jimmy's widow Sheila. Long story short, Sheila ends up pregnant. (Later she has a miscarriage, she & Tommy break up, & she becomes lesbian with an abusive girlfriend) Tommy almost gets fellow firefighter Franco (who's VERY easy on the eyes, girls) killed & Franco, who recently became the single parent of a little girl by his gonzo ex-girlfriend, gets addicted to pain killers while beginning a relationship with Laura, the only woman at Ladder 62. Mike is the rookie who worries he might be gay after he, um, responds to a male doctor during a check for testicular cancer. Chief Reilly is a nice guy trying to keep Ladder 62 from going to heck & making awkward efforts toward accepting his son's homosexuality, but his wife is struggling from a mean case of Alzheimers (& i think she killed herself on Tuesday night). Kenny, aka Lou, got divorced after he & his wife both discovered that the other was having an affair. Now he's trying to help his current girlfriend buy her freedom from her pimp. Tommy's dad John is a crazy old irishman who went off & married a crazy old Chinese millionaire with like, 19 cats. She keels over & dies while John's away & gets partially eaten by her cats. Instead of getting his $62 million, John gets $50,000. (The rest goes to a cat cancer charity.) Out of the blue a priest contacts Tommy & his bro Johnny, a detective, to tell them that he's the illegitimate son of their father. Oh yeah, & Tommy is 'visited' regularly by his dead cousin Jimmy, Jesus, & other not-alive people. He has a crazy imagination. AND, on Tuesday night, Tommy & Janet's son Connor was killed by a hit & run while out riding his bike.
i know what you're thinking: This is a depressing soap opera disguised as a firefighter show & Kallie's an idiot. But i promise it really is good drama! and it really is funny! Tommy is a fascinating character, despite the rough edges. Anyway, i like it and Josh does too, so watch it sometime.
Denis Leary is Tommy Gavin, an Irish NY firefighter trying to cope w/his bad marraige, his drinking problem, & his cousin Jimmy's death on 9/11. His marraige hits the skids right around the time he goes to dinner with Jimmy's widow Sheila. Long story short, Sheila ends up pregnant. (Later she has a miscarriage, she & Tommy break up, & she becomes lesbian with an abusive girlfriend) Tommy almost gets fellow firefighter Franco (who's VERY easy on the eyes, girls) killed & Franco, who recently became the single parent of a little girl by his gonzo ex-girlfriend, gets addicted to pain killers while beginning a relationship with Laura, the only woman at Ladder 62. Mike is the rookie who worries he might be gay after he, um, responds to a male doctor during a check for testicular cancer. Chief Reilly is a nice guy trying to keep Ladder 62 from going to heck & making awkward efforts toward accepting his son's homosexuality, but his wife is struggling from a mean case of Alzheimers (& i think she killed herself on Tuesday night). Kenny, aka Lou, got divorced after he & his wife both discovered that the other was having an affair. Now he's trying to help his current girlfriend buy her freedom from her pimp. Tommy's dad John is a crazy old irishman who went off & married a crazy old Chinese millionaire with like, 19 cats. She keels over & dies while John's away & gets partially eaten by her cats. Instead of getting his $62 million, John gets $50,000. (The rest goes to a cat cancer charity.) Out of the blue a priest contacts Tommy & his bro Johnny, a detective, to tell them that he's the illegitimate son of their father. Oh yeah, & Tommy is 'visited' regularly by his dead cousin Jimmy, Jesus, & other not-alive people. He has a crazy imagination. AND, on Tuesday night, Tommy & Janet's son Connor was killed by a hit & run while out riding his bike.
i know what you're thinking: This is a depressing soap opera disguised as a firefighter show & Kallie's an idiot. But i promise it really is good drama! and it really is funny! Tommy is a fascinating character, despite the rough edges. Anyway, i like it and Josh does too, so watch it sometime.
September 06, 2005
September 02, 2005
Top 5 Theories On Why Katie and Bobby Don't Email Us
Disclaimer: KaBob came and visited us in Elk Grove, which guarantees them a mansion in Heaven. But they almost NEVER email! Here's my ideas why:
They're waiting for the most opportune moment to announce that special bundle of expenses some sentamentalists call 'a baby.'
They've been emotionally kidnapped by hippies, euthanasia advocates, hikers, or some other Oregonian group, and now they're burning bridges to their 'unenlightened past' (aka US).
They stumbled upon a massive under-Portland oil reserve and are subsequently filthy, filthy rich and don't want to share with us.
They're so hooked on their ability to Netflix every season of 'Northern Exposure' that they spend all their spare time in front of the tube.
They're too busy searching for the perfect puppy or kitten: something with brown hair, big blue eyes, a toothy grin and killer dance moves.
They're waiting for the most opportune moment to announce that special bundle of expenses some sentamentalists call 'a baby.'
They've been emotionally kidnapped by hippies, euthanasia advocates, hikers, or some other Oregonian group, and now they're burning bridges to their 'unenlightened past' (aka US).
They stumbled upon a massive under-Portland oil reserve and are subsequently filthy, filthy rich and don't want to share with us.
They're so hooked on their ability to Netflix every season of 'Northern Exposure' that they spend all their spare time in front of the tube.
They're too busy searching for the perfect puppy or kitten: something with brown hair, big blue eyes, a toothy grin and killer dance moves.
September 01, 2005
August 31, 2005
Edits
i was wrong: at only 1/4 of the way thru "100 Years of Solitude" i can already agree that it is one of the best books of all time. The paragraph that sealed the deal:
"Then they went into Jose Arcadio Buendia's room, shook him as hard as they could, shouted in his ear, put a mirror in front of his nostrils, but they could not awaken him. A short time later, when the carpenter was taking measurements for the coffin, through the window they saw a light rain of tiny yellow flowers falling. They fell on the town all through the night in a silent storm, and they covered the roofs and blocked the doors and smothered the animals that slept outdoors. So many flowers fell from the sky that in the morning the streets were carpeted with a compact cushion and they had to clear them away with shovels and rakes so that the funeral procession could pass by."
kal
Kristen- i agree, WAY confusing when everyone has the same name. i printed out a family tree and use it as my bookmark. Otherwise i'll lose my mind.
"Then they went into Jose Arcadio Buendia's room, shook him as hard as they could, shouted in his ear, put a mirror in front of his nostrils, but they could not awaken him. A short time later, when the carpenter was taking measurements for the coffin, through the window they saw a light rain of tiny yellow flowers falling. They fell on the town all through the night in a silent storm, and they covered the roofs and blocked the doors and smothered the animals that slept outdoors. So many flowers fell from the sky that in the morning the streets were carpeted with a compact cushion and they had to clear them away with shovels and rakes so that the funeral procession could pass by."
kal
Kristen- i agree, WAY confusing when everyone has the same name. i printed out a family tree and use it as my bookmark. Otherwise i'll lose my mind.
August 26, 2005
TOP 5 REASONS NOR CAL WINS
'Wins what?' you ask. Wins EVERYTHING.
**************************************
It doesn't cost a spleen sold on the black market to pay the rent.
The trees do this crazy thing with their leaves where they like, change all the colors! Then they dump 'em all off on the grass and switch 'em all out for new leaves! Trees are hilarious...
Lakes and rivers: not so salty!
Parking downtown, or even in your apartment complex, is not only possible, it's likely.
It only snows when and where we want it to.
****************************************
**************************************
It doesn't cost a spleen sold on the black market to pay the rent.
The trees do this crazy thing with their leaves where they like, change all the colors! Then they dump 'em all off on the grass and switch 'em all out for new leaves! Trees are hilarious...
Lakes and rivers: not so salty!
Parking downtown, or even in your apartment complex, is not only possible, it's likely.
It only snows when and where we want it to.
****************************************
August 24, 2005
What Dreams May Come
Our wedding, as remembered in dream form by our friend Winter.
"First of all, it was in the woods...but it was also on the water, go figure. so people were like, hiking out to the middle of nowhere for the ceremony, or riding in trucks on hay bales, but there were also boats going by the lawn. but the wedding didnt fit the location AT ALL. first of all, i woke up dream-hating kallie because of the bridesmaids dresses...or should i say, bridesmaids tunics. they were these HUGE shapeless chiffonish embroidered tunics that went down to our shins. i was totally late to the ceremony because i was trying to fix my outfit so it didnt look like the epitome of craposity, and had to climb over people in the aisles to get to my spot, which really irritated mandy moore, who was an honored guest (huh?). and we also had huge shapeless skirts on underneath, and for some reason the drawstring on my skirt was broken and my skirt kept falling down during the ceremony. this really wasn't a big problem, because the tunic was so long anyways! and I just kept thinking, "these would look ok if they werent so ginormous!!" seriously, they were giant clouds of chiffon...we looked like cupcakes. whit just kept looking at me and shrugging like "what can we do??" or perhaps "kallie is dead to us." i just now remembered a lighthouse being right there too. anyways, some random guy decked out in a weird sailor's outfit was shooting a bb gun, at whom i dont really remember, but i dont remember being scared, so it must have been part of the ceremony, obviously. kallie also made us go on a boat and look at jellyfish, which just put her further down on my black list."
"First of all, it was in the woods...but it was also on the water, go figure. so people were like, hiking out to the middle of nowhere for the ceremony, or riding in trucks on hay bales, but there were also boats going by the lawn. but the wedding didnt fit the location AT ALL. first of all, i woke up dream-hating kallie because of the bridesmaids dresses...or should i say, bridesmaids tunics. they were these HUGE shapeless chiffonish embroidered tunics that went down to our shins. i was totally late to the ceremony because i was trying to fix my outfit so it didnt look like the epitome of craposity, and had to climb over people in the aisles to get to my spot, which really irritated mandy moore, who was an honored guest (huh?). and we also had huge shapeless skirts on underneath, and for some reason the drawstring on my skirt was broken and my skirt kept falling down during the ceremony. this really wasn't a big problem, because the tunic was so long anyways! and I just kept thinking, "these would look ok if they werent so ginormous!!" seriously, they were giant clouds of chiffon...we looked like cupcakes. whit just kept looking at me and shrugging like "what can we do??" or perhaps "kallie is dead to us." i just now remembered a lighthouse being right there too. anyways, some random guy decked out in a weird sailor's outfit was shooting a bb gun, at whom i dont really remember, but i dont remember being scared, so it must have been part of the ceremony, obviously. kallie also made us go on a boat and look at jellyfish, which just put her further down on my black list."
August 23, 2005
Long Lost James
Everyone's favorite dreamboat, James 'Rugged' Beaver (far left), returns to dry land on September 17th. James has spent the past 2 years sailing around the world as a missionary and will soon begin his 'Kindergarten Teachers Are Sexy Too' campaign.
24 Down, 83 To Go
(yes, i'm aiming for the magic age of 107 and i intend to get there by continuing my health regimen of Eat Whatever, Do Little Else)
As predicted, i had a super-duper birthday. A not-so-surprise party sealed the deal (my suspicions were confirmed when Josh began cleaning the apt then told me to take $10, leave, and not come back til 5:30). A chili-pepper pinata provided a hundred more parties shaped and tasting like candy. Perhaps the best b-day gift was the relief that MonsterCat didn't sink his teeth into any of the guests... except Hiroshi, who's a ninja and can handle even the most ferocious attackers. i dare say it was such a good birthday that i don't think i'll need to celebrate until the requisite September 21. (this does not rule out September 17th, all you San Diegans)
Thanks to everyone who emailed, called, and otherwise celebrated with me!
kal
As predicted, i had a super-duper birthday. A not-so-surprise party sealed the deal (my suspicions were confirmed when Josh began cleaning the apt then told me to take $10, leave, and not come back til 5:30). A chili-pepper pinata provided a hundred more parties shaped and tasting like candy. Perhaps the best b-day gift was the relief that MonsterCat didn't sink his teeth into any of the guests... except Hiroshi, who's a ninja and can handle even the most ferocious attackers. i dare say it was such a good birthday that i don't think i'll need to celebrate until the requisite September 21. (this does not rule out September 17th, all you San Diegans)
Thanks to everyone who emailed, called, and otherwise celebrated with me!
kal
August 22, 2005
Good Bye Nazarene Credit Union
A quick announcement to you all, I have finally closed my Nazarene Credit Union account. My procrastination led to two years of hauling around a useless card in my wallet that I have rediscovered numerous times in the past and vowed to close my account next weekend. However, after transferring my cards from my old wallet into my new wallet (special thanks to Nordstrom Rack) I rediscovered the same old ATM card and actually called today and closed my account. Yeah for action.
August 20, 2005
TOP 5 SATURDAY!
i could tell by all the frantic phone calls that i forgot to do the Top 5 yesterday. So here's a special list....
Kallie's Top 5 Birthdays
Age 21: surprise party at Whitney's house. Good clean fun.
Age 15: double-birthday party w/Korina at her house. We had a Batman cake and borrowed Bernie Hansen's big trampoline.
Age 17?: surprise party at Josselyn's house (scared the living ___ out of me). A good mix of church and school friends and a campfire.
Age 11?: had a Booble-Big-Pig cake that we decorated with M&Ms and Reese's Pieces. My mom makes better cakes than your mom.
Age 24: i know it hasn't happened yet, but i've already got some pretty cool presents and Josh has indulged me enough to celebrate the whole month.
i'm sure there were some pretty crazy parties when i was a little kid, but i can't really remember them. Anyway, whoever remembers /shares a birthday story from the earliest age wins a batch of cookies from the super-cool cookie book Bonbon got me for my birthday. And seriously, the cakes my mom made were CRAZY! (mom, send pix and i'll post them to make all the other kids jealous)
Kallie's Top 5 Birthdays
Age 21: surprise party at Whitney's house. Good clean fun.
Age 15: double-birthday party w/Korina at her house. We had a Batman cake and borrowed Bernie Hansen's big trampoline.
Age 17?: surprise party at Josselyn's house (scared the living ___ out of me). A good mix of church and school friends and a campfire.
Age 11?: had a Booble-Big-Pig cake that we decorated with M&Ms and Reese's Pieces. My mom makes better cakes than your mom.
Age 24: i know it hasn't happened yet, but i've already got some pretty cool presents and Josh has indulged me enough to celebrate the whole month.
i'm sure there were some pretty crazy parties when i was a little kid, but i can't really remember them. Anyway, whoever remembers /shares a birthday story from the earliest age wins a batch of cookies from the super-cool cookie book Bonbon got me for my birthday. And seriously, the cakes my mom made were CRAZY! (mom, send pix and i'll post them to make all the other kids jealous)
August 19, 2005
August 18, 2005
Mr. Sulu blogs too!
Who knew??
http://www.georgetakei.com/news.asp
k
ps- i, too, would like my cremated remains blasted into space.
http://www.georgetakei.com/news.asp
k
ps- i, too, would like my cremated remains blasted into space.
4:30......Proof That Life Is Cruel
Not that i have an overactive imagination or anything, but i swear, 5 o'clock has manifested itself as an adorable puppy who paces the sidewalk outside my 2nd story office window and barks me invitations to come play and snuggle and eat raisins. Naturally, after the incredibly painful half hour has passed and i rush out of the building to take 5 O'Clock Puppy in my arms, he has been hit by one the buses that rumbles past 22 times a day (making the entire building shake) or has been kidnapped by the meter maid or adopted-as-mascot by the UPS man because he is NEVER to be found, and leaves only a smushed raisin behind, which salts the wound freshly gouged daily at the thought of my commute home. A commute which would be nothing short of a delight if i were able to collect my puppy and leave at 4:30.
kal
kal
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